Mirror

V

***
WORRIES

    DRAVEN'S VOICE HUMMED TO THE PLAYING SONG. It dripped into my ears like warm wax. Their voice soft but steady. It reminded me of what feeling flightless was like, without a thick coat of hopelessness involved.

    The hand holding my phone tightened in a twitching motion. As Draven's voice came on top of the music, I turned up the volume. But it was already at it's max.

    That's how it's been all morning. Wake up: Draven. Get ready: Draven. Go to school: Draven.

    When I checked the time, not even half of the day passed. I still had to wait hours till night to try and sleep off this groggy, out-of-body sensation that hasn't budged for a second. Maybe it was my lack of sleep getting to me. Then again, my sleep has been an issue long enough for me to be unbothered by it. At least until the hallucinations started.

    But maybe it was me overthinking.
   
    About me?

    Again, my body twitched.

    Worries had become the number one word in my thought-dictionary. Over and over again, my notes, my journal, school worksheets, anything I could write on really, had the same reminder written between song lyrics on them: just worries.

    Each passing day, whether I can remember it or not, the thought of worrying to much about worrying grew. On the nights I stayed restless, I asked myself if I should stop thinking about my subconscious thoughts at all. But that didn't help me any better.

    This whole "subconscious" label is starting to get annoying.

    Worry and stay worried. Don't worry and stay worried. There's no winning here.

    A fed up scoff breathed beside my ear. You're starting to stress me out. Jeez Leila, tone it down a bit. It only feels like this because you're painting it out worse than it is.

    Okay? I have every right to paint it out that way. I mean, how did things turn out last time? Maybe if I "painted it out worse than it was" last time, things could have ended differently, and I wouldn't be stuck here stressing over nothing.

    You're calling me nothing now? Last I checked, I did everything I had to do. You were the one who didn't follow through.

    I scoffed uncomfortably to myself, careful to not let it get to my thoughts. Draven's following silence spoke volumes loud enough to irritate my ears and electrify my body. I also scoffed at the fact I was talking to myself in my head. Dr. Nate is in for a handful tomorrow.

    No, he won't. You don't need to share every single thing to him, Leila. That's dangerous.

    A shove grasped me before the feeling of memories could. I twisted my neck back from the lying position I was in. Shilo leaned against the lockers of an empty hall with her brows raised at me. She wiggled her phone at me then moved it closer to my face. I struggled to read the texts between her and her mom.

    "Dude, she's gonna beat my ass when I get home." Shilo scoffed a laugh.

    Her mom had sent repeated messages asking why the school emailed and called her about not being in class. The one she's supposed to be in right now. Shilo hadn't responded, but when I looked at her, there was a clear glaze of panic in her eyes. No matter how unbothered she tried to seem.