To Be Weak

Something About 'Taking it Slow'

You didn't mean to, but you were definitely moping and it was irritating Shoko.

She swatted you with a file as she passed by, "God you're being such a downer, did he break your heart already?"

You give a small huff and tilt your head back in distress as you sat on her counter while she readied herself to examine a dead body on a different counter, "No... If only i had a heart.", you whined, and that actually made Shoko laugh as she snugged on a pair of new gloves, "I can check for you?", she offered.

"Go right ahead.", You gave her an amused gleam before laying down on the large white counter like one of her 'patients'.

"You didn't get his number or what? Stop making me try to guess, I'm not a mind reader."

You sigh and toss the back of your hand to rest on your forehead in displeasure, "I don't even know why I'm sad! I guess... going out with him made me realize that sometimes wish i had never left to begin with. You guy's seem so put together here, and I'm so closed off now."

"You've always been that way, so what's new.", she confirmed tiredly, "Just because you were energetic doesn't mean you were ever an open book."

You groaned and started over, "He asked me about Geto, when he was my crush... and it kind of hurt to talk about. There was so many reasons for me leaving that i never explained, and most of them included me not being able to have any affect on saving him. I know you two were closer to him, but i felt like an outsider and that hung over me. When everything went down when we were kids, and i heard about what happened to your team- i was selfish. I wanted to be able to help with Geto, i wanted to be able to be there for Gojo, for you, but I felt weak. There was nothing i could do or say to help either of you, and i knew it was all stuff the two of you had to cope with on your own, but especially since we were always compared to Gojo and Geto power wise, it was just another reminder of how weak i was."

"So that's why you fled? To feel powerful?", she asked, peeking up to you.

"No. I fled because i was embarrassed. I figured if i left, everyone wouldn't have to deal with me getting in their way with my dumb insecurities.", You rolled on your side to look at her, "I did want to become stronger, and i ended up doing so by leaving, but i also ended up making myself feel like even more shit by fully closing myself off."

"Is that why you won't let Gojo in again? You don't want to feel weak?"

"Maybe...", You looked to the finer detail of the table you laid on in concentration as you talked, "I just also don't see what i have to offer him. He's got everything he could ever want. I felt fine on my own, but here i feel my insecurities creeping up again. I'm just someone who'd get in the way."

Shoko smirked amused, busying her attention downward to her job making you raise a brow at her weird act, "Wha-"

"You know what you could offer me? I goooooood back rub. I'm tired as hell."

You sat up instantly and snapped your attention over your shoulder red in the face to see the man of the hour, "Here you are Shoko.", he said with a lazy grin as he handed over a file for a body about to be delivered.

"Good mission?", she replied monotonously, nodding for him to set it down on a surface since her hands were occupied.

"As always. The kids, they grow up so fast.", he fake wiped a tear then brought his combined hands to his cheeks.

You watched him embarrassed, staying silent and still in hopes that if you didn't move he wouldn't see you and would forget everything you just said, "What now?", Shoko continued, digging out something from her current work and putting it in the medal dish next to her.

"I've got a date.", he confessed, making you raise your eyebrow at his hurtful words. Did he not care for your feelings, or were you just oblivious to how he was now and 'date' was just a word he just used freely among anyone he hung out with.

"It was nice chatting y/n.", Shoko broke you from your sulking feelings and you looked at her confused, "But i, we were still-"

An arm slung around you tightly pulling you in a grasp you were unable to leave. It was the feeling you were trying to avoid, he had finally made the move when you weren't paying attention, "Thanks Shoko, see yah later~", he waved cheerfully, dragging you off the table like you were hostage, "Wait, but-!"

"Bye.", you heard as the metal door shut her into her work place. You look up at him disturbed at being yanked away, "I was having a nice bonding time-"

"Why talk about me, when you can be with me?", he defended egotistically, making you slump. He was practically carrying your body weight at this point and you wondered if you let your legs give out, if it would stop him.

"Thought you said you had a date?", you huff annoyed and tested your theory, stopping your legs from matching his pace to completely halting. He unslung his arm from you, turning to face you fully with a large grin of mischief, "Do you listen? I do. You keep this up and I'm going to be late.", he said then a squeak escaped from your mouth as you were lifted over his shoulder and he hung onto your legs, "Wa- Wait, Gojo! I'll walk!"

"Too late, you made up your mind.", he laughed boisterously, taking you back to the dorms, "And quit calling me Gojo. I'll only accept Saturo from you."

You were set down when the two of you finally reached your room that was now set up for a simple night in. A movie readied on your tv, extra blankets and pillows from his room were placed on your bed for extra cushion, take out and sweets from the bakery displayed as your meal for the night. You were surprised at the cute idea but slightly disturbed when you realized, "Why do you have free access to my room?"

He tossed a hand behind his neck sheepishly, "You know i have my ways... That's besides the point!", he tried to distract you from that subject, "Look, second date.", he presented with two hands You dropped your head in shame, giving in with pink dusting your up to your ears, "How much did you hear, Gojo?"

"It's Saturo.", he grumbled, rubbing his ear like your voice was nagging, "I didn't hear anything i didn't already know."

You raise your gaze to him surprised and he gave you a shrug, "Your disappearance after graduation hurt me okay. Like i said, i liked you then, so it wasn't hard for me to notice how you actually felt. I just put two and two together. Now come eat, the foods already getting cold.", he ushered you to the bed and you stood before it all in disbelief, "Did you ever think-"

"Of chasing you down?", he finished, leaning over to gauge your reaction and he gave a wide smile before standing up straight, "'Course i did! I almost did too, but I didn't want to cramp your style. Plus, like you said, we were kids, we still had a lot of maturing we had to do on our own. Everything in me said it was probably for the best too..."

"You think it was worth it?", you ask insecurely, "All this.", you gesture vaguely and widely.

"All i can be thankful for is that you came back. Whether its as a friend or something more, it's nice having one more familiar face back in my life.", he said honestly before shoving his hands into his pockets and looking dumbly to the food he had set up for the two of you, "Although i guess if you don't return my feelings anymore... you can enjoy this set up alone... but i do want my bakery goods back.", he said determined to at least get out with those.

You laugh and decide to finally crawl into your spot he had designate and you pat the emptiness beside you, "Sit down you goof. I accept, although-", you say as you crack open a take out box and try not to spill it with the shifting of the bed as he bounces happily by your side, "This doesn't mean we're... you know-"

"A couple~", he cooed teasingly and you felt your face heat up. "Yeah that. Let's just - take it slow..."

"I can do that!", he determined loudly and found your remote, pushing play on the movie he picked instantly before settling into your side, forcing your arms to touch. You stiffened at his proximity, but figured you'd let it slide again. You'd have to get use to letting him in, and while he said he'd take things slow, you'd also have to adjust to his pace of things and habits at some point. So while you didn't snuggle into him or initiate anything, you let the man make his annoyingly yet endearingly clingy moves like he had been missing your physical touch you'd been avoiding giving him since you've gotten there.