To Be Determined

~~Bonus Chapter 7~~

Jisung
xx/xx/xxxx

10:42pm

    Ugh. I'm kind of mad at myself right now. I... was trying something different with Minho today. It didn't quite go as planned... for either of us I don't think. I wasn't quite sure at the time how to express myself to him either.

    Now that I have had some time to think about it... I understand him a bit more as well as myself.

    

I had done some research again. Looking at the different aspects of BDSM and the like... found that some submissives... are well... brats? They disobey their Dom and maybe try and act out and control them... it kind of backfired on me....

    I did that with Minho... I was trying to take control and get what I wanted from him... knowing that he was probably going to have a reaction to it... maybe... spank me? Degrade me a bit? I found that I kind of liked that, but he hadn't done it much so I am not 100% sure yet...

    But nope... I got to learn was orgasm denial was... and it was the fucking worst. I have never felt so humiliated and upset in my life. I actually cried. I'm tearing up just thinking about it...

    But the good side to it... Minho actually seemed to care that I was upset... he checked in like he was supposed to and we talked about it being one of my hard limits. I can't handle orgasm denial... for many reasons... not only is it outrageously uncomfortable... but it makes me feel so not wanted. Like it was just a toy for a moment... it seriously is the worst. It would have been different... if he maybe edged me instead? Yeeeess, I know what edging is...

    But no... he straight up told me that I couldn't cum and stopped everything at that moment. I was so shocked and scared, all in that moment... I never want to feel that again...

    We talked though... which was good. I'm in love with him... there is no way I could have ever completely ignored him, and once I got over the initial shock of it all I knew that he truly didn't mean it in the way that he was using that punishment. He just... thought it would be okay.

    We both agreed never again... and we would explore other punishments if I so chose to be bratty... which... I'm almost scared to right now... but communication is key right?

    We just have to keep talking...

    I really should tell him that I'm madly in love with him... before something happens that neither of us will be able to forgive the other for... I just... think right now I need some time away... to get my thoughts all together... maybe to explain to him what I actually want out of this and see what he is willing to give me? Anyway...

    G'night.—————-

A/N:

Again. Formatting is fucky. Will have to fix it later. 😪😪

Formatting fixed 3/30/2024