Strawberries And Cigarettes

Simula

Simula

Halos madinig ko ang dagundong ng puso ko habang nakatingala ako sa matayog na gusali sa harapan ko. The infamous and well-known blue eagle almost looks like it's looking down on me. I gulped. Ateneo de Manila looks massive now compared to the pictures of it I saw. Masyadong malawak... Masyadong maraming tao. I closed my eyes tightly. 

Remy, we've been through this. I exhaled loudly as I pep-talk at myself. Don't gather attention; be quiet, like the wind, and all will be well. Dumilat ako at lumingon sa kotseng naghatid sakin. Nakita ko si mommy and my little brother Reese waving at me. Ganun din si mommy, pero kita ko sa mata niya ang pag-aalala. I smiled at her and gently pumped my fist in the air. Nakakatawa dahil parang kinder ang inihatid nila at hindi first year college. Pinanood ko ang pag-alis ng kotse ni mommy bago humarap at nag simula nang maglakad.

My mother has been raising us alone since I was 10, with Reese just 4 years old at the time. Now, eight years later, I'm 18 and about to begin my first day of school. And by school, I mean college. I've been homeschooled since the end of first grade. Protective si mommy, especially sakin. Especially after... that. Kung hindi nga lang yata ako tumungtong ng college, ay hindi niya pa din ako papayagang umattend ng university. Abot-abot ang gawa ko ng PPT presentation noon para sakanya upang payagan ako. I giggled. 

I looked down at my small wristwatch. 6:30 pa lamang, and my first class starts at 7:40, kaya may oras pa naman ako. Luminga linga ko upang humanap ng restroom. I kept my head down and my steps light. Nagtatawanan at nag-uusap ang mga nakakasalubong ko. I'm sure matagal na sila sa Ateneo. Napangiti ako ng makitang walang tao sa restroom. Papa God is looking out for me. I went to the sink and put down my pink tote bag. I felt my contacts getting dry, kaya nilabas ko muna ang eyedrops ko at nag-patak sa mata.

I have very poor eyesight, so I wear glasses. Pero sabi ni mommy ay I-try ko munang huwag at mag sanay na ding mag contacts. Nang maramdaman ko ang pagkalma ng mata ko ay tinago ko nang muli ang eyedrops. Habang tinitignan ko ang mata sa salamin ay hindi ko maiwasang mapuna ang mukha. I am what they call "singkit." To be specific, I am part Chinese. My mother's side. The Dizon's are old Chinese living in the Philippines. Lahat yata ay sakanila ko nakuha. Mula sa balat, tangkad hanggang sa mata. While Reese also did not escape the eyes, his skin is more tan. And his height is taller.

I brush my long black hair using my fingers and bit my strawberry glossed lip and once again checked my outfit—a simple cream turtleneck paired with a long skirt, accessorized with a baby pink headband and matching doll shoes. Halos paulit ulit ko na itong sinukat kagabi para makita kung maayos ba, pero ito hanggang ngayon ay inaalala ko. Mom had assured me it looked good but anxiety gnawed at me nonetheless. Sighing, I picked up my bag to leave when I heard a voice.

"Hello?" I heard a girl's voice. Hindi sigurado ang tono.

"Erm? Sis, can you help a girl out? It's my time of the month and I forgot to bring pads!" Sunod niyang ani. Kumarap ako at dahan dahang tumango kahit hindi niya nakikita at kumuha sa aking bag ng isang pad. Lumapit ako sa cubicle at inaabot ang pad sa ilalim na siwang ng pinto.

"Here." I said gently. Kinuha niya naman yon agad. She said a chorus of thank-yous. I might be trans, but I do bring with me some pads for situations like this. 

Nadinig ko ang ilang kaluskos sa loob ng cubicle bago iyon bumukas. My sight was greeted by a morena brunette girl. Bahagyang nalaglag ang panga ko. She looks so regal. Her facial structure looks so sophisticated. Kung hindi niya lang ako binigyan ng malaking ngiti ay baka na intimida na ako. Bahagyang umuwang ang bibig niya habang nakatingin sakin. I gulped and started feeling anxious. 

"Oh, I'm harper! Thank you for the pads! You're a life saver. I asked for some earlier, but Ateneo is full of bitches." Saad niya at naglahad ng kamay. Her voice took a sharp turn at the end.