Asher didn't sleep in his own bed for a week. He stayed with me, which I liked, because I felt safe with Ash but I was worried about him. He used to tease and say he'd make me live in the garden so he could have his own room. That was a while ago now, back when Momma was alive. Maybe he's changed his mind, or he's seen Youssef and Nathan's admittedly small garden and felt bad for me.
"I'll be okay by myself." I spoke as Ash walked in, his phone in hand.
"Maybe not. Best I stay, just in case."
"If I need you, I'll come in and get you. I always used to sneak on your bunk, you know I'll come get you."
"It's different, different rooms, different house. It's best I stay here, in case you go all baby or whatever."
I just nodded and let him get into my bed. He moved Momma and shoved her into my arms. He stared at his phone for a while, not paying attention to me. I thought the whole point was to look after me?
I got out of bed eventually and went downstairs. Asher didn't question it, and I sat with Nathan in the living room.
"Hey hon, you okay?"
I nodded.
"Is Asher alright?"
"I don't know." I answered honestly. Youssef has started to notice Asher's behaviour too. Maybe Nate has.
"Oh? Why is that?"
"He won't leave me alone, he keeps sleeping in my bed and he can't seem to accept the fact that I can survive in my room for one night by myself."
"I think he's just worried about you. I'm sure he means no harm."
"I know he doesn't. Something's wrong with him. I don't know what and he won't tell me."
Youssef walked in, messed my hair up and sat down on the sofa.
"Does Asher seem weird to you?" I asked.
"Weird how?" Youssef questioned, his face curling to show his confusion.
"Overbearing. He won't leave me alone at school, home, anywhere. He got in a mood with me when I kicked him out of my room so I could hang out with Jace. Something's wrong."
"Yeah, I suppose. Has he always cared for you?"
"Like what?"
"Acted in a parental manner, rather than a sibling one."
"...maybe. Sometimes. Why?"
"He always 'knows' better. He knows how to look after you better, get you to sleep better, make your sandwiches better. He can't accept help, or an invitation to step back and let someone else help you, not even you. It's called parentification. He's been forced, by multiple situations, to act as a parent for you."
"Momma didn't have a choice, she tried so hard-"
"Honey, I know. She did her best, and it most definitely wasn't her fault."
"Is that why he's being weird?"
"Probably."
"How do I stop it?"
"Let him look after you, please, and I will handle this. I'm the grown up."
"Asher thinks he's the grown up." I remarked.
"And we are going to help. You need to be your lovely self, and let him take care of you. I'll slowly start getting involved again, and I'll tackle the reactions from Ash, hm?"
"He's going to hate you."
"That's okay, I hope he can understand what we're doing is to help, not harm." Youssef smiled gently.
I nodded.
"Is it my fault?" I whispered.
"Hm?"
"The parentifi-blah blah. Did I make that happen too?"
"No, kiddo, you didn't cause that. You're just a kid, it's not your fault." Youssef shook his head and pulled me into a hug.
I rested my head on Youssef's shoulder as he held me close. I like it when he does that, because he always does it right. Not too tight, but tight enough that I can't move without effort.
Asher walked in and stared at Youssef for at least ten seconds before grabbing me and storming back upstairs. He threw me down on my bed and slammed the door as he walked downstairs. I instinctively grabbed Momma so we could follow him.
"Why are you constantly trying to take my baby brother away?! For what fucking reason?! Haven't you done enough?!" Asher roared as he flung open the door to the living room.
"We're not trying to take Yusuf away from you. We care about him, a lot, we love him. We want him to know that everybody in this house is someone who can help him." Youssef responded in an unnaturally calm tone.
"He doesn't need either of you, he has me! He's always had me!"
"I know, and I love how close you guys are."
"So stop trying to make him hate me!"
"I'm not trying to make him hate you. For the past few months, it's just been us here, okay? I think he's started to learn that we're also options for him to go to. Our caring doesn't diminish the twelve years you two have loved each other, and it never will."
"Fuck you."
"I'm trying to be nice to you, you've decided to start shouting at me and I don't really like shouting. It scares me sometimes, and I'm trying to be kind to you, all I ask is that you do that too."
"Fuck you." Asher repeated.
"Calm down, have a think about things and you're welcome to come back when you're ready to talk like adults. That's what you're fighting for, isn't it? The responsibility of an adult."
Asher didn't go anywhere.
"Ash, please. I love you, but I can't keep pretending that I'm okay with you shouting at me and Nathan over everything concerning Yusuf."
"I know him better than you."
"And I appreciate that, I do, but you don't have to act as his father. All he needs is a big brother who loves him unconditionally, and you do that without even trying."
"He needs a dad. Our dad is a pile of dog shit."
"If he wanted a dad, he's welcome to two of them."
Honestly, my real dad has ruined any want of a dad for me, but I love Youssef and Nathan and they'd be amazing dads one day.
Asher didn't reply. He walked off and out the front door. I went to follow him but Nathan held me back.
"What if he gets lost?!"
"He'll be okay. He doesn't turn his snap maps off."
Asher came back an hour later, and ran straight for Youssef.
"I'm sorry. I hate him- s-so I had to be him."
"I'm not mad, I get it, to a point. I want to help you though, because it can't be easy doing all that and school and friends."
Asher buried his head in Youssef's shoulder and cried for a minute. I think he'd already been crying though, his eyes looked red when he came in.
"Hey, come on, stop with that. We're cool, hm, nobody's mad."
"I shouldn't have shouted."
Youssef just patted his back and messed his hair up.
"Talking is an option, I'm quite good at listening."
Asher nodded, and saw me stood watching. He moved out of the way and told me to go to Youssef.
"If you're so insistent on being a good...dad? Brother? Whatever."
"I'll still need your help, you know him better than anyone." Youssef shrugged as he rubbed my back. The scars were basically gone now.
"He's still mine."
"Always will be." Youssef nodded. I think I've gotten taller. I can just reach his shoulders if I put my arms up now.
Asher took me to bed, and this time asked if I wanted him to stay. I shook my head and he stood up to leave.
"I love you Ash."
"I love you too."
