Unspoken
Chapter 5
Coming CleanEzra let out a sigh, "Well ever since Zeb punched me my face has been hurting really bad, it's painful for me to eat so I haven't been able to eat much. I know the lack of nutrition is affecting me, I'm really dizzy and don't have much strength. I'm sorry I let you down master."
Kanan gave him a disproving look but then let out a sigh, "It's not that big a deal. You annoying Zeb is pretty standard, him punching you is also pretty normal. What did you do anyway?"
"Nothing really, was just being stupid."
"Another thing that's pretty normal." Kanan smirked playfully. Ezra rolled his eyes. "Well then we'll take it easy and go light until you're able to regain your strength. Maybe Hera has some soup we can make you."
"Thanks Kanan, milk fruit smoothies are fine but hardly sustainable."
"Yeah, you and your sweet tooth. Sugar provides energy but it's a quick burn."
"Obviously."
"Well you better start eating soon kid, we're going to start missions again, can't have you passing out on me in the middle of a fire fight."
The boys went back inside, it was time for lunch, Ezra was hoping to have some soup like Kanan mentioned, just secretly nervous, worried that it might be something spicy or highly seasoned. Thankfully the broth and veggies that they had in stock were bland enough so Ezra was relieved. Kanan sat eating a sandwich while Ezra sipped his soup. It actually did feel nice, it was warm so it soothed his aching jaw and tender tongue. The small pieces of veggies were soft enough that he could swallow them without chewing. Kanan finished first and went to clean his plate. Ezra took another bite of soup, this one had a large piece of vegetable in it, he swallowed hard and started coughing, it felt like it stuck awkwardly in the back of his throat. He hacked it up and spit it out. Or at least he thought he spit it out. He looked down at his napkin and gasped, it wasn't a vegetable. What was that? It was something somewhat small but large enough to be noticeable, it was white and jagged shaped. He gasped, was it a tooth? Were his teeth falling out because his mouth was so dry and he wasn't using them to eat? He frantically felt along his face and rubbed his tongue against his teeth. Everything felt normal, he didn't feel like anything was broken or missing. He looked down at the hard white chunk and frowned. Maybe it was some hard piece of random vegetable? He pushed his concern to the back of his mind and went back to eating, the rest of his lunch was uneventful, perhaps it was just a fluke.
"Hey guys, we're back." Sabine walked into the main room.
"Any word from Hera on our next mission?" Zeb asked, carrying a small cargo container.
"Nothing yet." Kanan shook his head, he sat down with the holopad to relax.
"I think I'm gonna go to my room." Ezra announced as he put his dishes away and grabbed a cup of milk to go.
"Get some rest, use this time for reflection and meditation, don't strain yourself."
"Yes master." Ezra turned to go, Sabine watched him carefully. Something felt off.
Ezra went to his room and sat on the floor, setting down his milk and wrapping himself in Kanan's blanket. He was still a little worried about the whole soup thing but kept shaking it off. It was nothing! He cleared his throat and drank a few sips of milk, his throat was starting to feel sore and irritated, probably from the lack of moisture like Sabine said, but it still made him nervous. He knew he wasn't sick but it still reminded him of when he had gotten sick a few times really bad when he first joined the crew and after his mix up with the germs on Pyre. He remembered what the germs had warned him, that he would be compromising his immune system by harboring them. Was that why he wasn't getting better, was his immune system so weak now that a bowl of spicy chili could ruin him? He let out a frustrated groan and closed his eyes, he couldn't think things like that, he had to clear his mind and meditate. He put one of Sabine's lozenges in his mouth to help him center and stimulate saliva. He rubbed his jaw, the lumps were still tender and warm to the touch but they did feel a little smaller. It was slow going but maybe this was working? He couldn't wait to eat solid and flavored food again soon! It was talking forever.
"Ezra?" Kanan's stern voice broke the silent trance he had been in.
"Nothing!" Ezra cried out, jolting awake from his meditative state.
"Relax kid." Kanan laughed.
"Sorry Kanan." Ezra caught his breath.
"Gee what were you thinking about that's got you so on edge?"
"Nothing." Ezra grimaced, looking away sheepishly.
Kanan smiled and sat down across from him, "Meditation isn't always relaxing. Sometimes it can dig up stressful thoughts or painful memories." Ezra nodded thoughtfully in agreement. "If you ever want to talk about anything I'm here. You can always be honest and open with me. That's one thing my master was always great at, she always listened to me, always helped me walk thru my thoughts and worries."
"Thanks Kanan, I'm glad I have you. And I really missed you when you were gone."
"Yeah I can tell." Kanan lifted a corner of his blanket. Ezra blushed and looked away, having forgotten that he had it wrapped around himself. "It's fine, you can use it if it helps you."
"Thanks." Ezra sunk deep into the blanket with embarrassment.
"I'll need it back eventually tho." He raised an eyebrow playfully.
Ezra cleared his throat awkwardly, desperate to change the subject, "So uh did you do anything special at your master's memorial?"
"Not really. I go there to be in silence and to let my thoughts wander in her presence. I wish I was able to commune with her. There were stories that they would tell younglings at the temple that sometimes when a bond is so strong between a master and apprentice, that your spirits could still communicate even after death." He let out a sigh. "Of course I know those are just stories, but sometimes I wish that were true."
"I'm sorry Kanan. I didn't mean to bring up painful memories."
"It's ok. Not all memories are pleasant. Unfortunately her final memory is full of nothing but pain. It's important in times like that to remember the good times. I hope one day you will only remember the good memories of me."
Ezra smirked up at him, "Well we better start making some then."
"There's my back talking Padawan!" Kanan ruffled his hair playfully.
"Not a good memory! Not a good memory!" Ezra laughed. They looked fondly at each other, they really had missed each other in their time apart, they never realized how close they had become. Kanan never knew his parents and Ezra lost his so young, they never realized how quickly their relationship as master and apprentice had become like a father and a son. "Well, I guess I better stop slacking. Chopper had some last minute tasks he needed me to help him with before we took off."
"Sounds good." Kanan stood up and reached out to help Ezra stand up. "But remember, I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything, good or bad, ok?"
"I know, master." Ezra smiled up at him and handed him the blanket. "And thank you."
The crew spent the rest of their day finishing up any minor tasks or routine repairs or cleaning that needed to be done before they got ready to depart. They were still waiting to get their orders for their next mission, but they had to be ready because they knew it would come in at any moment. Ezra spent his time in the main room, Zeb and Chopper were bickering in their quarters and he just wanted some peace and quiet to be alone with his thoughts. He closed his eyes, checking in internally with his Force energy. He had been eating those citron drops consistently and rubbing and icing his jaw, he might be crazy but it did seem like it was starting to help, his mouth felt a little less dry and the lumps on his jaw seemed smaller and less painful. He finally decided to be brave and try some solid food. He would start bland, he grabbed some crackers and a ration bar, bringing a cup of milk with him. He took small bites of the cracker thoughtfully, he realized it was easier to finally eat, and much less painful. He beamed with excitement, he was finally healing! Maybe having Kanan back was helping? He started to cough and gag as he swallowed, his throat still dry and irritated and the gritty cracker crumbs didn't help. He chugged down the milk and let out a sigh. It was a start at least. He went back to eating the crackers, making sure to hydrate, then he attempted the ration bar. Even after chewing a small bite, it was a little hard to swallow, but it was the biggest amount of progress he had made in several rotations, and he was happy with the result. He leaned back, feeling exhausted. He began to rub his neck subconsciously to ease the discomfort. Just then Kanan walked in.