fine line

prologue

FINE LINE,
PROLOGUE

WARNING: this chapter contains depictions of suicide.

WHAT DID DEATH FEEL LIKE? That question plagued Cadence McGinnis's mind as she stared at the pill bottle in her hand. In a way, it was kind of ironic. The antidepressants were meant to save her life. Instead, they were going to end it. With a trembling hand, she dumped the green and white capsules into her hand. This was it. This was her last moment on Earth. She had fantasized about this moment before. She always thought it would be more violent than this. A gunshot or slashing her skin to ribbons. A final attempt to feel something. Instead, it was something simple. Something that was arguably... easy.

But ending your life was not easy.

Even as Cadence swallowed the capsules, this didn't feel easy. She was cutting her life short. She was venturing into the unknown. If there even was an unknown. Maybe this was just it. Maybe there was nothing after this. Either way, there was no turning back now. Not unless she really wanted it. It wasn't a decision she took lightly. Cadence had tried to hold on, but something, somewhere, just went wrong. Her life ended up empty and sad.

She had her dream job, but she was... lonely. Ever since her grandfather died, Cadence lived in solitude. No one called to check on her. She had no friends. She went to work, she came home, and she slept. That was it. That was her life. She was painfully single, and her biological clock was ticking. Within two years, it would be nearly impossible for her to have children of her own. For as bright of a star as she had once burned, Cadence had become nothing. She was merely a speck on this giant, floating space rock. A lonely little speck that meant nothing to anyone in the long run. Maybe we were all just specks. However, not every speck was meaningless. You only became meaningless when people forgot you. When your life was empty and there would be no one to remember you when you died.

How had she gotten here?

Once upon a time... Well, her life had never been great, but it wasn't always so bad. There was purpose and meaning once. There was laughter and love and wonderful things. Not anymore. There hadn't been anything wonderful about her life in a very long time. I ask you again: What does death feel like? As she worked to swallow the pills, though it felt more like swallowing a mouthful of sticky rocks, Cadence pondered the question again. It was like a child's bouncy ball that was loose and free in her mind. Cold, she decided. Death felt cold and lonely. She hoped that whatever came after was warm.

For the first few moments, it felt like nothing had changed. Maybe she hadn't done it right? It wouldn't be the first time she had failed. She had screwed up a lot lately. It was terrible. It was like all she knew was failure. Maybe there was just something wrong with her. That would explain why no one loved her. If she was broken, damaged beyond repair, why would anyone want her? Maybe, no matter what she did, her life was always meant to end up this way: desolate and empty. Sad.

Just as she began to accept defeat, her heart began to pound rapidly in her chest. It was like it was working overtime and constricting all at once, a pain unlike any other exploding in her chest. Despite herself, she gasped for air. Her lungs seemed to quiver, withering away the more they struggled for air. It wasn't long before she began to hyperventilate. Her skin went cold and clammy. Everything about her was shutting down.

She looked to her right, and she could have sworn she saw her grandfather. A hallucination or a ghost, she wasn't sure. Either way, he looked both horrified and distressed. There was pure torment and anguish on his face, like he had never been more disturbed and disappointed in his life. "Noon", he said, using the nickname that only he called her by. "What have you done?"

Cadence's throat felt tight. Numbly, she touched her throat. There was a faraway look in her eyes. Yes, what had she done? Suddenly, she felt very guilty. Maybe she had done something wrong. This... was a mistake. She never wanted to disappoint her grandfather. To see him giving her those sad eyes...

She stood up quickly, fumbling for her bedroom door. Her every step felt heavy, like she was walking through thick mud, or cinder blocks replaced her feet. The world seemed to spin, her vision blurring at the edges, as she stumbled out into the dark hall. She placed her hands against the cool wall as the world seemed to tilt on its axis. Everything seemed so hazy. She could barely understand where she was going. Where was she going? She could hardly remember. She was getting... so confused... and so tired... "Nngh." A weak groan escaped her lips as she walked. For a moment, she paused. Maybe she had done the right thing. Maybe she-

Her grandfather followed her out into the hall.

Was she hallucinating? Would she even know if she was dying or just going crazy?

She stumbled forward into the kitchen of her apartment. It was a nice loft. She'd always dreamed of a place like this. Now, she might be leaving it behind forever. Cadence jumped at the sound of laughter from out in the hall, almost paranoid. The sound slowly drifted away, and she couldn't tell if whoever it was was moving on or if she was fading away. Paranoia seemed to grip her soul, a cold sweat breaking out across her skin. What if no one ever found her body? What if no one even realized she was gone and therefore didn't come looking for her? She made her way over to the kitchen island, grabbing her cellphone from the granite countertop. She felt lethargic as she dialed the number, but just as she pressed send, more pain shot through her heart.

Cadence clutched her chest. Was that the ocean rushing her ears? But she lived in the city... Her body seemed to twitch and convulse as she fell to her knees, alternating between coughing and struggling to breathe. At least now she knew the answer to her question.

Death felt like drowning.

This wasn't peaceful at all. This was slow agony. She was cold. It felt like a million tiny needles were stabbing her all at once. Her vision darkened around the edges as she fell completely over on the hardwood, the phone sliding out of her hand. For a few seconds, there was only pain. And then there was nothing. She faded into oblivion. Everything that Cadence McGinnis ever was or ever would be was now nevermore, a footnote at the end of someone else's story. Her own book had just suddenly stopped in the middle of a page, the remainder of the book left blank. As she took her final breath, the book slammed shut.

Cadence McGinnis was nevermore.

The pitter patter of little feet, light as a feather, disrupted the eerie silence of the house. The only other sound to be heard was the still ringing phone. A gray kitten, still just a baby, padded over to Cadence, nudging her hand with her little nose. Not even a twitch.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"Meerow?"

APRIL 23, 204
POPPY SPEAKS !
I don't really have anything to say
Right now. i hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!
i had to edit it a couple times ngl.

🪢