I made my way through the dark apartment and found the couch. What was going on at this hour that wouldn't allow me to sleep? Whatever it was it was intense, and I wasn't able to ignore it. The rain could be heard smacking into the concrete and agai...
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(Frank Holmes the therapist 💕)
Khi
"Mr. Khion Thomas, how have you been?" The therapist, who's name is Frank by the way. I don't think I ever mentioned that.
"Surviving." I smile.
"You've grown into quite the," he clears his throat. "Man."
I smirk. "Good to see you to Frank."
"A lot has changed. You are out now, you have a family." He smiles and I forgot how attractive he was. (He's grown man fine.)
"Yes, I have fully come into myself."
"But not without bumps in the road." He puts on his glasses.
"Certainly not. Can't have the beautiful beginning without the fucked up start."
"No, in some cases we cannot." He placed his right leg over the left.
"I know I should of been here sooner. I know, but I was more concerned with Cario than myself and the other part, I was just-"
"Running."
I look up at him. "Yeah."
"You always ran. You did it with the Chace situation and then with your own situation."
"Running was easier. Well, it was at first." I admit.
"Until you found yourself running directly back into your same problem. It's a bit of a loop." He squints his eyes.
"Yeah. That's where I find myself, back at what I so desperately want to leave behind. Sometimes it's like a rope is tied to me. Someone's feeding it, so I can get just far enough. Then they pull me back."
"Ton."
"Even, just his name." I take a sip of water. "It's like I feel his hands around my throat." My eyes start to sting as the tears approach. "His mouth on mine, his tongue..." I close my eyes.
"What do you believe is the most-"
"That I enjoyed it." I shake my head. "That, I nutted, countless times." I rub my hands up and down my thighs. "That's the part I absolutely hate. I don't say anything but sometimes when I'm fucking...I-I think of him." I wipe my eyes.
"Khion, you understand this is more common than you realize. Often times the abused have stated that they enjoyed it. It's difficult to process because usually the mind and body are interconnected with intercourse. In sexual abuse cases, that is not true." He leans forward. "The body takes on a mind of its own."
"I get that and I've heard people try to explain it. Still, it's interfering with my ability to just be with my nigga in that very special moment. I don't wanna see someone else's face, or hear their voice when my man inside of me." I leaned back on the couch.
"Khion, do you believe having his son around will continue to trigger you?"
"I pray to God not. I have love for the lil kid. He's innocent. However, I have been staying at my own place, because the nightmares were coming almost every night. I also avoid his eyes. I feel like shit doing that." I sniffle.
"That's okay. You are not wrong to go about things they way you do. Do you realize you are already beating Ton? By showing this kid love and compassion? Cario, gave you a choice. He was willing to let the child go for you."
I laugh softly. "Cario is the best. I love him, sorry."
"Why the apology?"
"Tears just seem to run through me this last year." I reach for some tissue sitting in the stand beside me.
"Where tragedy strikes, sorrow will follow. Your tears are not without reason. Crying is not something to compress, or limit. It's an outlet, a healthy release of emotions."
"Yeah. Look, Frank I wanna deal with this. I wanna face it and find a way to beat it. I wanna be this person I can for me, Cario and Tonio."
"Because you want to, then you will. See, as your therapist I can only do so much. Many times my clients come in here expecting me to wave a magic wand and make things better. I'm, no magician. If the client is willing to follow my counsel, then together we can improve the situation. The airs of today 'Improve'
"I want to." I exhale.
"Max?" He reads over his tablet.
I grin. "Max."
"Why'd I get the same reaction from you and Cario?"
"Max, is a delicate subject."
"You slept with him. Why?"
"Cario, told you that huh?"
"He did. He was clear on the issue not being the fact you had sex with him, it was the reason and the timing. Was this to intentionally hurt him?"
"Yes, partly. But also because I like Max." I wanted that to be clarified.
"Why cause despair to someone you love, purposely?"
"Because he cause despair to me. This was when he was consistently denying me. Wanting me one moment and then not the next, being nonchalant about my feelings."
"He toyed with your emotions?"
"Yes. But still, we shouldn't have fought fire with fire. We are over that. Thank goodness."
"This connection theory. Ever thought about asking your parents?"
I laugh. "See my face?"
"Your eye is a bit discolored. I felt it would be inappropriate to inquire about your appearance."He leans forward. "Off record, it doesn't takeaway from your handsomeness, in the least bit." He smiles flirtatiously.
"Frank, you hittin on me?"
"Told you, you've grown up. I even dressed a little better today. This is a new suit." He pops his collar.