Fragile

45. New plan

"But I'm not supposed to lose weight." I argue back a little.

"I know. But, what's fun in recovery if you just get fat and die from obesity in ten years?" She laughs as if it was just a joke. "Besides last time you lost weight it was so unhealthy. I can give you some tips, if you want."

"I, I don't know... maybe this isn't a good idea." I mutter, having a full blown storm in my head.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I'm just suggesting. But you just... were so pretty, and of course I'll always support whatever you choose, fat or not. You're my best friend."

"It's easy for you to say that. But I can't manage to recover if I obsess over calories again." I say with a sigh. This wasn't a good idea.

"You think my body is easy to get?" Dahlia let's out a hollow laugh. "Just because I don't have anorexia doesn't mean I have to be obese. I just work out and look after myself."

I raise a brow, because she wasn't entirely wrong. "I didn't mean that..."

"Look, you don't have to listen to me or lose weight if you don't want. But maybe you'd love yourself better if you did lose a few pounds. It's not a big deal." She smiles.

"Fox wouldn't like this at all." I say.

Dahlia rolls her eyes, "So what? Or is he your owner? Don't you have a mind of your own?"

"Dahlia! It's not like that, he just helps me to recover." I give her a sharp glare.

"No but you shouldn't let him decide what's best for you. Use your own judgement girl."

I think of it a little. She does sound genuine, and I don't think my best friend would want any harm to me. And besides, when I look in the mirror I hate what I see. There's no denying, I am fat. And I hate it.

"So you're saying healthy weight loss?" I ask.

"Absolutely. No starvation and no pain, just getting a little toner and healthier." She nods.

"I mean, what could go wrong?" I say and shrug. Maybe this is a stupid idea, or maybe it'll save me. Because getting fatter every passing say does not seem to do good for me, I just hate myself more and try to gaslight myself into believing I'm not fat. Which I am. Unfortunately. "Okay. Let's do it."

Dahlia smiles, "Really?"

"Sure. Why not? I just wanna love my body and not despise it every time I look in the mirror." I say. "So what's the plan?"

"Hmm. Wanna do it my way?" She asks.

"Depends." I answer.

"Well, no sugar, 1200 calories per day, two litres of water and minimum of ten thousand steps every day. Saturdays are my cheat days, tho only if makings progress. It feels amazing, trust me." She talks while counting three with her fingers.

"Doesn't sound too bad." I nod along.

"The diet also keeps my skin healthy, and skinny. Just try it and see what happens." Dahlia encourages me.

"Okay." I then mumble finally.

I hated to be in this body. I didn't like myself, hated my body, hated every single second when I didn't feel like I was in control.

This could change it all... And this was a healthy lifestyle, nothing was going wrong and I wouldn't fall back into my old habits.

"But what'll Fox say? He won't like this, because he just doesn't understand." I ask.

Dahlia rolls her eyes again, "Obviously, he's a guy. What would he know about girls' bodies?"

"Fair enough." I shrug.