Marina woke up with a start. She dreamt of that guy again. She felt for Dada beside her and felt nothing but the cold sheets. Alarmed, she suddenly sat up and then it dawned on her that she was in her bedroom in Manila, as she had been for the past 2 months already. She was tired. She thought she'd be able to move on from that horrific incident but things seemed to have gone for the worse. This time, she did not have Dada to comfort her. Sighing, she looked at the time on her phone. It was fifteen past two in the morning. Dada should be up. She decided to Facetime him.
Paris, France
Dada was lost in his thoughts as he looked blankly at the empty seat in front of him which Marina usually occupied. The apartment has been quiet since Marina left for the Philippines. He was shaken from his thoughts when his phone notified him of an incoming Facetime.
Pleasantly surprised, he saw that it was Marina.
He smiled widely as he answered. "Marina! I was not expecting your call, you should still be in bed," his magnanimous smile disappeared when he saw Marina's face. She looked tired and unhappy.
"I had another nightmare," she simply said.
"Oh." Dada wished he was with her now. He knew he'd be able to comfort her somehow.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"Nah, it's just the same old dream. Nothing but the silhouette of a bald guy looking down at me."
"Have you spoken to anyone about it?" he asked tentatively.
Marina had refused to talk to a therapist about her trauma several times in France. He did not understand why she refused to do so even though she clearly needed it. Marina had reacted negatively about it one time he broached the subject with her and he never brought up the topic again.
"I'm not talking to a shrink." She said snippily.
"I did not say anything about a therapist. I just thought maybe you could let your mother or your other friends know." He said gently.
Marina stayed silent mulling the conversation in her head.
Dada decided to change the subject so she'd cheer up and forget about her nightmare.
"Guess what I bought."
"What?"
"I'll show you."
Dada stood up and shuffled through the apartment towards their bedroom.
"Look!" He told Marina as he panned his phone towards the bed.
Marina squealed. It was Kermit the Frog. She remembered kidding La Grande Dame that they should buy it so she could hug it to sleep whenever Dada was not around. Dada had put his foot down at the idea as they would not fit in his queen-sized bed. The plush toy was the size of an average French adult so it was even taller than Marina.
"Hmph. I wanted that toy for a long time and you bought it as soon as I left your place," she said pretending to be miffed about it.
"Well, the bed has been spacious since you left so..."
Marina pointedly raised an eyebrow at him.
"Just kidding! I bought it so I can have company,"
He went nearer to the giant plush toy still holding the camera to it.
"Look! He's even wearing one of your old t-shirts that you frequently use as sleepwear."
Marina laughed at that. He was just stinking cute!
"Miss me?"
"Of course I do. Counting the days until your return."
Marina and Dada talked until they both fell asleep, still face-timing each other.
When Marina woke up several hours later, it was almost noon. She saw that they were still on the call. Dada had his back turned to the camera. Marina lovingly touched her phone screen before realizing it was very hot to the touch so she immediately ended the call.
The next few months were a total blur. She had reunited with a couple of friends and had a lot of drinks with a lot of people partying until the wee hours of the morning. For months, she always woke up with a hell of a hangover and in the evening, she'd be performing and drinking. She'd usually be brought home by Eva or Minty.
One day around lunchtime, she received a message from Dada telling her they needed to talk. She realized she had been MIA from him for a couple of days now. She slapped a hand to her forehead when she remembered her French frog. He'll definitely give her hell for being unreachable these past few days.
She sat up in bed with her knees to her head. She was so tired. It was like the weeks of drinking and partying until the early hours of the morning had finally caught up with her and there was hell to pay. She had been in a daze that she did not even know what day it was. Thanks to her team, she managed to attend all her engagements without any problem at all.
Her doorbell suddenly rang.
Wondering who it was, she slowly shuffled toward her front door. The unknown guest kept knocking and ringing her doorbell.
"Sandali lang naman eto na nga yung tao!"
She shouted irate at whoever had the gall to disturb her peace, squeezing her temple as she walked.
Peeking through the peephole, she saw that it was her mother and sister, Marielle and Eva who was looking very guilty.
She opened the door but was met with a smack to her arm.
"Mama, ano ba? Ang sakit na nga ng ulo ko."
She retreated, rubbing her arm and trying to control her pounding head.
"Sa ka ka party mo yan! Her mom said, throwing her bags on the sofa.
Marina shot a nasty look towards Eva who held her hands up and made her way into the kitchen to get drinks for everyone as well as medicine for Marina.
"Maupo ka."
Marina even though she is already a fully capable adult obediently sat beside her mother. She still scares her, to be honest.
Her mother took her hands from her lap and held them in hers.
"Anak anong problema?" She asked gently.
"Wala naman mama." She looked at her sister for help but Marielle stood up to help Eva in the kitchen.
Her mother just stayed silent looking at her.
Marina gulped, nervous to even make a sound.
"Kausapin mo ako. Alam kong may problema ka. Hindi ka naman ganyan usually eh."
Marina's head was throbbing hard. She felt sick to the stomach. She wanted to throw up but managed to keep it from rising up her stomach. She could not recall what she had eaten last night and who she partied with. She couldn't even remember how she got home.
She dared look at her mother who was just sitting there quietly looking at her with a sad and disappointed look in her eyes. Marina was taken aback. This was the second time she'd seen that look in her eyes. The first time was when she got home from school and her siblings got made fun of because of what she did in school, cross-dressing for teacher's day.
"Mama, sorry." She broke down crying. And suddenly, all the pent-up sorrow that she has been keeping inside burst out like a dam that broke. She poured her heart out and her mother listened as she talked about how she got assaulted in France and how she has been relieving the memories in her nightmares most nights. She had been drinking and partying hard so she'd pass out and not have a nightmare. She may wake up with a throbbing headache but at least she did not have any nightmares. She had pushed all those she loved away because of that man and now she may not even have Dada to return back home to.
