We're in This Together

Episode 51

After the lengthy process at the graveyard, which took several hours, I emerged with a glass box containing James's ashes. To afford a proper placement in the graveyard and a name stone, I needed more funds. Until then, I resolved to keep his ashes in the glass box. With the same numbness that enveloped me before, I retraced my steps to the bus stop and boarded the bus back to my town. Throughout the journey, I remained lost in a void, only vaguely aware of the sensation of the glass box in my hand.

When the bus halted at my town's stop, I rose from my seat slowly and disembarked without fully regaining my composure. Without gathering my thoughts, I began to walk back home, feeling like a soulless shell of a person. Passersby glanced at me, whispering among themselves as they always did. Normally, I would evade their attention by hurrying home and locking the door behind me, but in my current state, I was merely a puppet without strings, completely detached from reality. I continued to trudge toward my house at my own pace, oblivious to the world around me, until the gentle rain began to fall, snapping me back to awareness. Suddenly, I remembered the box of ashes in my hand.

"Shit," I cursed quietly, clutching the box tightly to my chest as I hurried home through the rain. Unlocking the door, I stepped inside just as the downpour intensified. Without venturing further, I made my way to the couch and sank into it, placing the box on the table before me. Sitting there in silence, I found myself transfixed by the box containing James's ashes. Questions flooded my mind, tormenting me with doubts and uncertainties. "Why am I always like this? Why am I always the one betrayed by the ones I love most? When will this cycle ever end?" The weight of these questions pressed heavily upon me as I stared at the box, seeking answers that seemed perpetually out of reach.

After a few moments, I blinked and turned to my bag, retrieving the crumpled letter. The paper was creased and stained with blood. I shrugged off my coat and made myself comfortable before unfolding the letter, eager to discover what James had left behind for me in his final moments.

To: Jennifer Alison 

I hope this letter reaches you, even though it's far too late. I need you to understand something, Jane: none of this is your fault. Not a single bit of it. I'm sorry for everything you've had to endure, and I'm especially sorry for abandoning you for the past 14 years.

You're probably wondering why I resurfaced after all this time, and why I chose this drastic course of action. The truth is, I've been longing for connection, for someone who truly understands me, and all I could think about was you, Jen. My dear sister Jennifer. Before I showed up at your doorstep, I searched for you through my various connections. I learned that Dad passed away two years after we left, and leaving you orphaned. You had to endure life at the Orphan Church, and the thought of that breaks my heart. I'm so deeply sorry, Jennifer.

Then I learned that you sold our family home and donated all the money to the church, which fills me with pride. Today, I found your new residence and decided to come here. I apologize for my sudden appearance and for the decision I've made.

I also want to entrust my daughter to you, Adeline. I don't believe I can be a father to her. I lack the courage, and I don't feel deserving of that role. However, I believe in you more than anyone else, even more than my own mother. So, please, will you take care of her in my place? Please don't hold any resentment towards her because of me or because of what my mother and I did to you. Adeline is just like you, Jen. She, too, has been betrayed by her own father's actions.

Please, Jen, this is my only request. Take care of Adeline as if she were your own daughter, no matter what happens. She needs you, Jen. Please don't let her go. I haven't had the chance to truly know my daughter, as we only had five months together, and now I'm leaving her once again. But I trust her in your care, my most beloved person.