Change My Mind

59 - Dad's advice

Liv was standing by the stairs looking at me with a disgusted expression on her face. I could just as well have been a turd under her shoe or a crushed bug on her windshield. Her eyes flicked to Harry's face and she crossed her arms over her chest. My mind froze and I couldn't find a decent answer for her. Instead I just shrugged and let go off her mom's hand. I placed my hands in my lap and scooted a little closer to Harry and away from her mom. But in doing so I became very aware of the closeness to Harry and her recent annoyance with me flaunting my happiness in her face. So I awkwardly balanced between two seats and gave Harry an apologetic smile.

"Liv..." Nellie looked sternly at her. "This is not the time for your hysterics. We're all heartbroken about Aiden."

Liv looked down at her feet and nodded. She was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt with the logo of the rehabilitation center. I figured she was out on a temporary leave to be there for her family. She looked a little lost and sad. For a moment she looked up and locked eyes with me, only to quickly break eye contact and hug herself while she looked out of the window.

"I'm glad you both came to check on us. I know you've been put through a lot, El," Nellie's voice broke as she spoke, while Liv scoffed. I looked questioningly at Liv, but she just shook her head and mumbled something under her breath.

"I beg your pardon, what was that?" Harry said very assertively and leaned forward towards Liv. He held her gaze and there was something protective about his body language.

Liv let out an exasperated breath and looked at him with a defiant expression. "I said, I'm sure Elowen enjoyed the attention." She arched an eyebrow at him, challenging him with her expression.

Nellie started arguing, horrified with what Liv had said. Harry got up to his feet and reached out for my hand.

"You don't have to listen to this," he said and looked at me with a soft, but determined look. My inner dialogue was running through different versions of "she's just lashing out", "she's hurting" and "she doesn't mean that." I looked over at Liv, who was shaking her head at her mom and throwing her arm out saying something about me playing the victim. So I took Harry's hand and let him help me up. I gave Nellie a sympathetic look and let Harry lead me to towards the door.

"You know just as well as me that Aiden wouldn't be in this shit if it wasn't for you!" Liv roared at me and pointed straight at me, her words hitting like a slap to the face.

"Liv!" Both Nellie and Harry exclaimed horrified.

I stopped and looked at her, looking for my best friend, the girl I grew up with, the one who had always claimed she loved me like a sister. Harry put his hand on my lower back and said something, but I didn't hear his words for the loud siren-like, high-pitched noise in my ears. Liv's chest was moving up and down quickly, her face contorted in pure anger. She didn't even look like herself anymore. Like the butterfly reversing back to its pupal stage, all her shine and glow was diminishing. My mind spun through scenarios, different ways to tell Liv that she was wrong. Looking at her lusterless appearance, anger contorting her face and a very ugly side of arrogance in her body language, I knew I needed to handle it gracefully. Offending her would be easy, I could just call her brother out for what he was. But I wasn't going to break Nellie's heart any further.

"If you think that all of this is on me, I hope you're ready to eat those words again once the trial starts. The evidence speaks for itself and I have absolutely nothing to do with what Aiden has gotten himself into. The only one to blame is himself. You can hate me all you want, Liv, if that helps you, go ahead. But I don't have to listen to it." I gave her one last, assertive look and turned to Harry, who led me to the door and out onto the porch. I held my mask until we shut the door behind us at my parents' house and then I let the tears pour. Dad embraced me and walked me over to the couch with him. He spoke calmly and comfortingly, while Harry got me a cup of tea.