The family's baby

Chapter 107

*Grace's P.O.V*

I purposefully avoid looking at Mommy, not wanting to look her in the eyes and potentially see if she is still wanting to punish me or not. I liked the idea of no punishment, that sounded best to me, so I think mommy should go with that option. I bury my face into her shoulder, enjoying the paci that is in my mouth.

"Hiding isn't going to help you avoid anything, child. Especially when that hiding is you hiding against the very person you are trying to hide from! Now I asked you a question and I need an answer... what is it going to be, Grace?" Mommy asks, sitting me up so I'm forced to look at her.

"What if people make fun of me?" I ask in return, looking away as I do.

"Grace, this isn't your first time wearing outside the house. No one has yet to make fun of you and no one will start now. You act like you are going out in nothing but...well, what you are wearing now. I'm not that mean or insensitive, Grace. I will make sure it is hidden as much as possible, as I always do." Mommy tells me, making a point hard to fight except for one thing!

"But people still realize, like the one lady! And it's still embarrassing when they do!!" I complain to mommy, not liking the idea of wearing padding but also not wanting to go home either! I mean, I haven't seen even one animal yet!!

"Grace, we aren't getting into that again. We talked about her and we moved past it. Yes, some people can tell no matter what we do. What of it? She wasn't making fun of you. She asked ME a question and I answered it. Was it about you? Yes...and? Is your point no one is allowed to ask me any questions about you? Am I not allowed to talk to anyone if it concerns you? I'm your mother, Grace... I embarrass all my children with the things I'm willing to say. Every parent from the beginning of time embarrasses their children. You are not a special case in this!" Mommy says, making me remember all the other times she has embarrassed one of us or threatened to. Closing my mouth, I suck on my paci as I think what other point I can make to get out of this situation.

"What if...if I lose my place in the family?" I ask honestly, nervous for mommy's answer...

"And what "place" is that exactly?" Mommy asks in return. Shrugging at her question, she continues for me...

"You aren't going anywhere, Grace. I won't allow it, even if you wanted to. Heck, Elena and Zelene wouldn't allow it! This "place" you think you have, is simply my daughter and their sister and an aunt. All 3 you are currently doing and can continue doing with however you decide to behave. You being treated younger than you actually are has no effect on this so-called "place". No one but you has ever even voiced an issue with it, Grace!" mommy says, shutting down that argument immediately.

"Burden..." Is all I can say next.

"What? Speak up please, Grace..." Mommy demands more than asks.

"What if I become too much of a burden?" I ask, barely any louder.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Grace. You are a burden... Just like Elena's a burden! Just like Zahara's a burden! And just like Jazmin's a burden! Children are burdens. It's just that simple. They can't and don't pay for anything, they love to take over entire rooms, and they take up so much of your time! No parent wants to put everything on hold because their child needs something. We do it though, because we have to and we love you. It's the role we take on when we become parents. We have to be there for all 4 of you, soon to be 5, whenever you need it. That could mean Elena being lonely and wanting company, or Zahara dumping Jazmin at our doorstep because she needs a break, or Jazmin wanting someone to play with, or you just needing me near... it's just how things are." Mommy says, not making me feel any better at all.

"Grace, at this point, you are just talking in circles so just listen. Parenting isn't always fun or pretty. If I'm continuing with my honesty, there isn't a harder job than parenting to get right. It's a relationship that can create such great achievement and awful destructiveness, and despite all that I've read about it, no one has the slightest idea whether any decision will be right or best, or even not horrible for any one child. It is a job that simply cannot be done perfectly because everyone is different. I'm sorry but parenting isn't a one shoe fits all...it's a wait until you get there to figure out what shoe everyone needs...and what you need right now is me babying you!" Mommy tells me, continuing before I can respond...

"Look Grace, no matter how hard you try to be or think you are being self-sufficient, you are not. You need me... it's that simple. The fact is you do nothing for yourself. When was the last time you actually tried to take yourself to the potty and not just as a reaction to something said? When was the last time you actually put thought into what to wear and not just reacting to what was laid out for you? When was the last time you planned anything for yourself?" Mommy asks one after another before answering her own questions...

"Cause I plan everything for you currently. Not by choice either...you just expect me to have your schedule planned. You have not once asked or told me you were doing something if it wasn't happening then and there, and it's usually just a reaction to what I had planned. It feels like you literally just wake up, expecting me to have your schedule all planned out for you but never once ask what that plan is. You just wait until I tell you what's happening. I mean, I literally have to send you away from my side to go play, Grace...or how I turn the tv to something you might actually like to watch because you refuse to acknowledge that you are allowed to touch the remote too!" Mommy points out, making me want to look away!

"You also put zero thought into what doing any activity requires, Grace. You aren't someone that I can just take your hand and walk out the door with. You require lots of pre-planning and prep work to even just go to the store with! Even this trip, all 3 bags are yours Grace! I don't even carry a purse anymore but just stuff what I need into one of your bags! We have your diaper bag, your snack/ drink bag, and your bag of spare emergency things because this is scheduled to be a long day. I mean, we aren't home, Grace! We are at the zoo and think about everything you have already used without a thought or care before we have even entered! Think about everything you have requested for me to make magically appear for you! I had to pack you shoes, Grace! Shoes!!" Mommy points out, reminding me I tried to wear sandals into the zoo and threw a fit when I couldn't...

"Not to mention you literally wait for me to take you to change. You will literally sit in whatever you are currently wearing until I take you and change you, Grace. Last time I sent you to change on your own, you came back down after 15 minutes still in your pajamas because and I quote "nothing was laid out for you to change into and you got tired of waiting". And don't get me started on all the diaper and pullup checks I have to do because you will sit there wet and never mention you need a change!" Mommy says, making me squirm slightly to confirm I am still dry. Finding that I am, I feel a desire to announce it to mommy but hold back as she continues...

"I say this all not to be mean, Grace. Nor do I say it to convince you things need to change. I told you all this to point out further to you that you are a toddler. You are my toddler, Grace, and I love you so, so much for it. You have given me so much by letting me be your mommy like this and I truly love every moment and will always cherish it." Mommy says, giving me a big hug once again...

"I will cherish it not because you act like a toddler or I get to treat you like a toddler either. I will cherish it because of how much you enjoy it and want it from me. You have no idea how cute you are when you are finished eating but nudge your plate closer and closer to me until I feed you the rest...or how you always hug my neck in thanks when you are still half asleep after a diaper change...or even how snuggly you are after you know you have been especially bad..." Mommy says, pinching my cheek lightly, only making my embarrassment worse as she wasn't supposed to notice that stuff!

"The truth is, Grace, people realize how you are being treated. It's not a secret by any means and no one cares. Why? Because you are happy and that's all people care about. You are all smiles and expressive and happy when I treat you this way and people see that. It's why no one ever really bothers us. It's hard not to smile when you see someone else smiling after all..." Mommy says, kissing the side of my forehead and leaving me to think about all she said...