I'm No Prince

Holding the Thread

Kelsey sat in her room, quietly doing nothing of any consequence. She was currently doomscrolling, though she had started her time researching a potential lead for Andrew to look at when trying to search for who he was. It wasn't that she'd come up with nothing, but it also wasn't as if telling Andrew this was something to rush, or even to walk into with only the structure of a plan.

She'd studied hard for the past hour, but she still hadn't figured out how to suggest certain avenues of thought to her brother that he might not like. The thought had scared her, and so she'd ended up lying on her bed, scrolling through short videos that reminded her of Vine, doing absolutely nothing important whatsoever.

Her mind kept coming back to Andrew's face over the past week. It had felt so blank, even when he'd actually spoken to her. Something was wrong, and Kelsey was worried about him. She'd been researching every possible avenue for the past week, and now that she felt she'd found one, she was worried he wouldn't accept it as a valid possibility to think about. Sometimes the valid options were the toughest to accept, and Kelsey could feel it, even though she wasn't the one questioning her identity.

She didn't know how she felt about this possibility, and she was the one potentially suggesting it, so how could she expect Andrew to not feel overwhelmed by it?

Kelsey sighed and finally stood up, deciding that the best thing to do was to make some food for herself. Andrew had already eaten, but Kelsey had chosen to keep researching and had missed him. Luckily, he was in the living room, and so when she made something small to eat, she went and sat down with him on the couch.

"So," Kelsey began, "how have you been this week, Drew? You've been acting really distant, is all."

Andrew, however, didn't seem to be paying attention to her question, and when he finally opened his mouth, sound refused to come out. It was as if he was debating whether or not to tell her something and hadn't registered her question. Kelsey wondered what was going on with him; she worried that he wasn't okay and was only pretending for her sake.

"I," Andrew whispered, "I... need to... I need to tell you some things, Kelsey."

Kelsey was surprised. Andrew was a secretive person, and he wouldn't openly talk to anyone about what was bothering him, unless something was really wrong. That worried her even more, and she took a deep breath as she prepared herself for what Andrew was about to tell her.

"Okay," she told him, "I'm listening. Shoot."

In response, Andrew pulled out a small book and placed it in her hands. It was a journal, she knew, and it must be important if Andrew had actually given her leave to read it. Kelsey opened the book and flipped to the page labeled "April 7th", the start of this week.

As she read, Kelsey felt herself growing closer to her brother. He was really working hard, and she truly felt for him. He'd actually wondered so many questions about himself that she hadn't thought he'd consider. He wondered if he was a prince, or if he was something else, and he really just wanted to feel comfortable in his own skin. It seemed to Kelsey that he was going down the very path she'd thought he would never even think about. 

"Well," Kelsey thought to herself, "it looks like I won't be needing to suggest anything to him anyway. He's already going down a path of his own choosing, and the best thing I can do is to listen when he needs me to, and to support him every step of the way."

"So," She asked softly, "what kind of support do you need right now? I can be encouraging if you want me to be, but if you just wanted me to listen, then that's all I'll do."

Andrew shifted uncomfortably before replying, "I don't really know, Kels. I think I just need you to hear what's been going on, but it's all so confusing, and I'm not even sure what I want or need most of the time. Does that make any sense?"

"Don't worry Andrew," Kelsey told him, "if all you need is a listening ear, then you have one. It's okay to not be sure of yourself all of the time, and I'll always be here to listen, or even help you talk it out if that's what you ever think you need."

Andrew smiled, "thanks sis," he said, "I'll make sure to keep you in the loop. It's been a while since I've had anyone who wants to know how I'm doing."

Something within Kelsey began to sink. Did Andrew not really have anyone other than her to talk to? She wanted to be there for him, but she knew that she wouldn't be enough to fully support her brother all of the time. She wasn't perfect, and Andrew deserved to have a larger network of people caring for him than simply her. Did none of his friends actually want to know what was happening inside of him?

"Drew," she began, "how did the guy's night at Harry's last week go? Was everything okay?"

Andrew looked confused, "yeah," he told her, "why do you ask that now?"

Kelsey looked at him with a soft glance, "I was just wondering," she replied, "if any of your friends noticed how you're feeling, is all. Did none of them actually offer to help you?"

"Oh," Andrew said, his eyes getting bigger, "you're right, I forgot! Harry stopped me before I left and asked me to let him know how I was doing, too! Don't worry," he told her, "it's okay, I have other people to help me too."

"Okay," Kelsey replied, "I just needed to make sure you're getting all of the support that you can. As much as I want to be able to help you with everything, I can't do enough for you alone. It's always good to have a whole network of good people you can count on. I'm happy for you."

Andrew smiled and gave her a hug, and then he returned to his seat on the couch. As Kelsey picked up the remote to start a movie, she reflected on the progress her brother was making. They were taking small steps, but they were still going forward. If Harry was also helping her brother out, then Kelsey knew Andrew was in good hands. If she could make sure Harry knew what Andrew needed, then they could make sure that he wasn't too scared of being alone.

Kelsey desperately wanted Andrew to feel safe as who he wanted to be, and she resolved to do whatever it took for that to happen.