𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 | George Mendez

IX | Pure poison

* means POV change from Sarah to George / George to Sarah

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Happy tuesday and happy first week in prison to myself!

Looking back, I keep wondering if every week is gonna be as crazy as this one has been. I've never been really religious, but I'm honestly thinking of becoming christian. That's how bad this has gotten.

Yesterday, I found refuge in CO Bennett. He has become a person I can be secure in, opposite from George. I haven't seen him today yet, and I dread the moment he's gonna turn a corner and yank me into the storage closet by my arm. My heart has been pounding all morning just thinking about it. This kind of fear... constant anxiety, it exhausts you. My lungs are always short of breath, my muscles always tense...

Our hunger strike is still going, but I'm not sure how long I'm gonna be able to keep going now. I'm weak, tired, and the COs couldn't give two shits about us. Besides that, I technically am a traitor, since... George forced me to eat. 

That's another point. If I don't eat, maybe George is gonna force feed me once more. I need to share my concerns with Soso and talk about stopping soon if nothing happens.

After my morning shower I head to breakfast to find Soso and the others from our strike sitting at a table in the corner.

"Morning", I state and sit to them.

"Good morning. You sure look better than you did yesterday", sister Ingalls states. I smile at her slightly, still feeling shaken up in my core.

"Yeah I finally got a good nights rest." It was true. I slept better than the night before. I think I was relieved because I got to tell people about my troubles.  Speaking of; Nicky and Alex...

I hope they kept to themselves. I'm kinda scared they might've told on me to Red or something. Looking around the room, I don't see any of them. But there's always lots of people in here, so I'm probably just missing them.

"So, what were you guys talking about?", I ask. 

Yoga Jones answers me sarcastically: "We were just talking about our favorite yoghurt flavors."

"Oh, um, speaking of", I remember what I came here for, "Soso, do you mind coming with me for a second?"

She turns to me with her eyebrows raised a bit, seemingly surprised. "Oh, sure!" She agrees with a smile and we head off towards the front together.

I think for a moment on how I can propose this idea to her; I need to start eating again. Maybe I can move her to do the same...? Probably not, though.

"You know, Soso, this whole eating strike thing... I- I don't think I can continue." 

Her smile drops in an instant as her eyebrows knit together and she protests: "What? No you can't leave us! Think about the group!"

She gestures behind her to sister Ingalls and Jones sitting at the table.

I look at her with trouble on my face: "No, you don't understand, let me finish here alright. I can't continue, because...", I think for a second on what I should say, "I'm being blackmailed."

Her face twists in surprise as she looks around and suddenly comes a bit closer to almost whisper in my ear: "Who's doing this to you?!"

"Mendez." 

She pulls back again and shakes her head slowly. "He can't do that! Can't you just... I dunno, go talk with Caputo?!"

I close my eyes and nod slowly as she rambles. No, I can't talk with Caputo - or any CO other than Bennett for that fact!