Live, Love, & Poetry

My inner thoughts part 5

*disclosure these poems can be triggering to anybody who might be going through some things please if you feel like these poems are too much call a family member or friend or a trusted adult to get help. Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. Thank you*

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Every day I am stuck with this pain,

Every day I am stuck with these thoughts,

Every day I am stuck in this endless cycle

Of pretending to be okay,

Reality is,

Living with these disorders are tiring me down.

My body feels weaker every single day.

I try my hardest to get up, and work out.

But somehow

Someway

I always end up back in bed.

It's like I am stuck in this cell.

I can't seem to get my body and brain to get along.

It's kinda hypocrite of me,

I write and write about how everyone should get along,

Yet,

I have this war going on above my neck,

That doesn't seem to quiet down.

I try and try,

I want to get better,

I want to get up, and work out like I used to.

Being with these disorders are kicking my ass.

I am trying,

I take one day at a time.

Today is one of those days where I feel defeated.

Today endometriosis/PCOS beat me to stay in bed and rest my body.

I have a war going on above my neck,

But the pain from that war travels through my muscles all over my body like if it was WW3.

One moment I am okay to walk freely with no limping,

Then the next I need help

or else I am about to fall.

It's crazy right?

Having so much pain that your knees give out from going numb.

But don't worry!

"It's just period cramps!"

Fun fact; I went to the doctor one time and told them about my knee pains and,

guess what!

I got prescriptions for antidepressants because he thought it would help !

Living with these disorders that not even doctors seem to understand is frustrating, it's exhausting, and honestly, at this point, it isn't very pleasant. My pain should be taken seriously. I am 24 years old, and I have already had 2 surgeries for my cyst to be removed. I have been living with these disorders my whole life since I was born. And NOT ONCE was I taken seriously about my disorders. I am disgusted by the healthcare system.

I am living in the craziest body,

One that literally wants to destroy itself,

While everyone else is telling me not to.