Dysfunctional ~ F.Hargreeves

35} Paradox Psychosis

"Ooooh," Jenna rubbed her hands together, "So we're going to a pub? Looks like you were still going at it even on missions then, huh Five?"
"I've said that I'm sorry like a thousand times, all right?" He sighed, "But this was a nice break before killing the president."
"You two better be buying me a beer for doing this," Bill waved his finger at Jenna and Five before holding the door open for them.
"Thank you, Bill," Jenna smiled.
"Yeah, thanks," Five absentmindedly replied.
They all hung back near the door to the pub preparing to meet with the other Five.
"Well," Five gestured to the bar, "There I am."
"Man, I really do have bad taste," Jenna sucked in a tight breath just looking at the older version of her husband.
"Hey," Five held a hand to his chest, "I'm not that ugly."

"Okay," Luther got them back on task, "Why don't we just grab the briefcase and run?"
"Luther," Five responded, "I would never let that happen. We're trained to guard these briefcases with our lives."
"Right."
"Plus, it's the inherent paradox where this gets tricky. I'm endangering my existence just being in the room with myself."
"Huh- what do you mean?"
"Luther, try to keep up. If old me doesn't travel back to 2019 like he's supposed to, the whole thing unravels itself. I cease to exist. Jenna does too if her older self doesn't follow me through. You got me?"
"I get you."
"That was a reassuring tone there, Luther," Jenna said, sarcastically.

"Our best chance is to talk with him," Five continued, "to reason with him. He'll understand."
Jenna started to laugh, "What? You are terrible to reason with; especially if it's with yourself. This is going to go horribly."
"Well," Five grabbed her shoulders, "I know myself better than... better than I know myself."
"I know you better than you know yourself and this- are you itching already?"
"No, I'm not."
"Uh, you totally just scratched your neck. Stage two, my dear. And denial is stage one. You're fucked."
"No, I'm fine, okay? Let's stay on task."
Five tried to go over to the bar, but Luther stopped him, "Wait!"
"What?" Five shrugged his hand away.
"Maybe I should go first."
"Why?"
"Well, you'll freak him out. Bumping into your own tiny doppelgänger? He will lose his shit. Just let me break the ice."
"Okay."
"Okay."

Luther left to start a conversation with Five, leaving Jenna, normal Five, and Bill near the door.
"Jenna?" Five turned to his wife.
"Yes?"
"Maybe you shouldn't go near the other me."
"Why?"
"I think he'll lose his fucking shit if he sees you. I know how I was feeling during this time, and I just think seeing you, especially young you, is going to set him off."
"Well, too bad because I'm going with you."
Five noticed that Luther was done with his spiel, so he crept out towards the bar with Jenna and Bill right behind him.

"Hey there, stranger," Five greeted himself.
Older Five couldn't muster up a sentence and simply looked past his younger self at Jenna.
"Jen?" He fumbled out, "Wha- what are you doing here? Why are you so young? What's going on?"
"Don't look at her, look at me," Normal Five grabbed Jenna's hand, "This one is mine, not yours. Now, let's get a table, shall we?"

They all migrated to a full table; Jenna sitting in between the two Five's, Luther on the other side of tiny Five, and Bill on the other side of big Five.
"Well..." Luther tried to break up the silence, "this is nice, isn't it? The five of us, together like this."
"No," Both Fives replied at the same time.
"Someone explain to me how I'm having a pint of Guinness with my younger self and younger wife."
"We're older, actually," Jenna rolled her eyes.
"I'm you, just fourteen days older," Normal Five explained.
"I have pubic hair smarter than you," 'Older' Five smirked, "How is that possible?"
Jenna gagged, causing both Fives to turn to her, "What? I don't need to think about that."

"Let me explain," Normal Five started, "You see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you break your contract with the Commission. I already know you're thinking about it. All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family. Well, today, you are going to do something about it. Today, you are going to attempt to time travel forward to 2019. However, you are going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of a body, trapped forever, small, pubescent."
"Okay," Older Five started to fart, "Well, what about Jenna? How's she like this?"
"I'm not gonna tell you that," Jenna crossed her arms, "It'll ruin the surprise."
"Well," Older Five took over again, "Even if I was to believe you two, what am I supposed to do about it, not jump?"
"No, no, I need you to jump," Younger Five explained, "If you don't jump, I cease to exist and so does Jenna. What I need from you is to jump correctly."
"Please don't," Jenna muttered to herself.
"I'm listening," Older Five leaned in closely.