open doors

reminder

Maya's pov:
TW sh!

I just got home, and its burning outside. The sun is fully out and there is only a warm breeze. Im going to take a shower before school for sure.

Closing the door behind me, i drop my bag and bend over to take of my shoes. Every time i take of my shoes, my ugly legs get my attention. The ugly but yet so beautiful scars run everywhere on my thights. I always tend to get sad when i look at them. I was so young when i started... the memories come flooding in as i zone out staring at them.

Flashback when Maya was 13 years old*

"Why arent you listening to me? Im tired! I don't want to go to school mom! The girls arent nice and i feel so alone!" I scream at my mom, stating the same fact almost every day. This argument was already going on for 10 minutes.

"A young girl should NEVER skip school, Maya! I don't care how the girls treat you, the only important thing is that your grades are high and do well in school. How many times do I have to say this???" My mom screams back.

"Mom you dont get it! I hate you!" I stated and ran of to my room.

Why does no one understand me? I keep saying it right in her face! I feel my face heat up with anger. I feel like im going to explode.

Slamming my foor behind me i feel the rage becoming worse and worse. Tears swell up in my eyes making eveything blurry. My whole mind is shutting of, i cant think straight anymore.

The anger took everything over. The only thing i can feel is rage. Pure rage.

I have to feel something. I have to get rid of the anger or else i will explode or something???

Being taken over by anger, i blindly search my room for something that could cool me down. I go through my closet, random cabinets and under my bed. I make a HUGE mess despiratly trying to find something.

When im messing up my 6th cabinet, i found an old razor. The thoughts flooding in my mind, i pick up the razer and blindly cut my upper right thigh in despriration to feel something.

Being numb by anger, sadness and a brainfog, i keep going. Every cut, every stab and every scratch makes me feel good, i can finally stop the anger inside of me.

After a few minutes, i regain conciousness and look at the mess i made. Blood dripping from my legs onto the carpet, the old razor in my hand and the pain. The horrible pain in my legs. Even worse is the comfortness i feel. My emotions are gone. I feel numb and euohoric.

Shaking by aderaline im waddeling to my bathroom. Checking if my mom or borther isnt upstairs, i carrfully listen to any sounds. Deciding its safe to walk to the bathroom, I slowly walk to there. With bloody and shaking hands i grab toilet paper.

While pressing on the cuts, im searching for the emergency kit. Finally finding it after some painfull minutes, i grab some bandaides and cloth to prepare my leg.

Ten minutes later I have cleaned the cuts, with tears in my eyes, looking at the many red lines craved in my leg. They looks awfully pretty, like a crack in glass or a gitar out of tune. I put the bandaidea on and wrap my leg with some cloth i found in my room... hoping novody would see the disaster on my legs AND in my room. The blood on my carpet, schoolwork and chair are looking at me. What the fuck did i just do. ..?

I realize ive been holding my breath for WAY to long. Despirate for some breaths i recover from te flashback...

I look at the time, it being 08.55... its way to late!! I already shouldve gone outside to walk to school?? Also hearing my mom waking up upstairs is making my neck hairs stand up.

I cannot go to school in this outfit, but my mom cant know im still at home.... also my school bag is stil upstairs?!

My mom is going to kill me. I have to come up with something, fast.
I decide to go outside, closing the door soft as hell, and go around the house.

Staring up to my window. How the fuck should i climb up to my room? Its the only possibility to get some clothes and my schoolbag right?

Hii guys im back 🤭

I wrote this on the train omw home from school, i think its a pretty heavy chapter...

Please lmk if you have tips or suggestions.

Love,
Maddy