THIS IS INSANELY CRAZY !! No but like, I don't know why I just talked to myself like I had a person in front of me. I'm a french person and I am good in english (Grammar dead...?) and so like, I spoke to myself in english BUT THEN.... MY FRENCH SIDE CAME.
- "Attend, pourquoi tu parles en anglais?" (Wait, why are you speaking english?)
- "Well I don't know.. just like that.." (Bah, je sais pas.. Juste comme ça..)
AND IT WENT INTO A FULL CONVERSATION! Like wow (Almost type :sob:...) (I should stop being too much on discord.)
ANYWAYS, Today I'm going to watch Inside Out 2 with my bestie and I hope it goes well :D
OH YEAH, MY UH SHOELACES ARE BROKEN AND THAT'S THE FUNNIEST PART
I like my shoes tight so it won't come off or stuff but since I pull too hard and I don't untwist them (Like, it's not straight ((Like you lmao))) well... I guess it's how it cracks..? SO LIKE, my right shoelace broke first and like, I was pulling too hard on it that it finished to broke. Thankfully, my mom made a knot so I can finally wear my stylish shoes (yippe!!) then comes my left shoelace that I broke this morning, I DIDN'T EVEN PULL THAT HARD ANDTHATMFBROKE- ... Yeah well, It wasn't straight either.
ANYWAYYSYSYSYSYS, Do you wanna know my ocs lore or back story? Oh wait I forgot the picture of my shoelaces. It doesn't work grrr, but it's ok, One day I'll show you! So back to my ocs, I've made one so far because yes, motivation. MOST OF THEM have trauma or not (I don't think this one has but maybe) and like, i don't know if it's true that your ocs lore is your reflection or something like that.
Wednesday 26 of July.
Okay uh, I'm actually scared because uh it's about my father, not about me. My father has been aggressive recentlyand I'm scared of him. I've talked about him to my therapist and they want to meet him but I told them I wasn't ready. I mean, he throws and breaks stuffs, swearing, putting us down and a lot of things. He made me lost interest in origami and soon in doing paper stars. Is that right for a father? I'm scared he'll break some plates or even throw some forks and it's because of him I've relapsed.
I talked everything about my parents but mostly my father. I'm scared of him. They call me "Heartless" and that hurts but they don't know that. I feel like relapsing over and over again because of how scary he is. I wanna follow his dreams but I can't. I mean, I can't but it's not what I want. I finally said "no" when my therapist asked me if I was okay. I don't know why my father is so angry. Is it because I didn't go to work? Because I didn't do the laudry? Because I didn't cleaned the dishes? Most of the time, EVERYTIME EVEN I feel it's my fault.
What can I say? It's the holidays and I have to WORK. I have no time to have fun because I'm not financially good, we're almost broke and because apparently, me and my brother's help are better like we can get them some much more money. (That's what my father says-) But anyways, I'm imagining my father taking a knife and out of anger, he cut my arm off. That's a crazy thought, right? ... Shit, I flinched at a single sound. Welp, I can say goodbye to my holidays and hello new world since my father only wants me to work during this summer break. I guess it's time. It's time for me to be a lady and not a miss.
