Too worthless to fall in love (Phan)

Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning and looked at the time. 9:56! I'm late. Oh well, not like I was planning to go in today anyway. I saw more messages from josh. I say and read all 16 messages. I must be trying to kill myself. Tears came to my eyes at the hateful messages but there was one in particular that bothered me. One I feared.
Josh; if you don't tell me all about you and little Danny boy, I will just go and ask him myself.
Minutes later there was another message come through to me phone,
Josh; well you're not coming in again. That's a shame. You won't get to see the look on Danny boys face when I ask him. In Maths right now and in fact I can see him from where I am sat. You'll soon learn.

There was a picture attached. A picture of Dan at his seat. He was proving to me he could see him. And what's with this new nickname; little Danny boy. I threw my phone across the room. I heard it hit hard against the wall but I didn't care. I shouldn't have ever turned it back on. Why did I think it was safe! Why did I think I was in the clear! Why did I think this new school would help! If anything it just made it worse. I started hitting my fist against the wall until I just broke down. My head leaning against the wall. My arm still in position. Tears streaming down my face. I can't. I packed some stuff in a bag. Essentials. I don't want to but I have to. I don't want to leave my mom but I have no other option. I wrote on a piece of paper
I'm sorry
Phil x
I swung the bag onto my shoulder and left. Leaving my now smashed up phone on the floor. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do but I just needed to get as far away from here as possible. I don't even know what my aim for this was but I felt like it was the right thing to do.

I must have been walking for an hour because I finally heard the church bells ring for 3 o clock. I didn't know the area well so I hadn't gotten far. What if I see someone from school and they told josh. What if They told josh they saw me walking away from town with a giant bag on my back crying on the day I wasn't at school. I picked up the pace. My mom still wouldn't be home yet. My heart broke at the thought of my mom getting home and reading that note. Or would she even care? Will anyone even care?
No. Of course not. They will all be jumping for joy. Idiot.
And there goes my mind again. Is this my life now. Walking around streets helplessly while my brain tells me how much of a waste I am. Is this my future. I heard a bus coming up behind me. I turned my head away qui joy as there was most likely people on there from my school. I saw it was going to stop at the bus stop about 15 foot away from me. I had to be quick not be stopping there at the same time as the bus. I got ahead. Then I heard,
"Phil! Phil is that you" it was a familiar voice. It must be josh. I started to cry.
Yeah because if that's josh crying is really going to help the situation! Idiot
Shut up. I didn't stop or look back. I pretended I never knew anyone called Phil in my whole life. Then they tapped my shoulder.
"Please just leave me alone!" I screamed. I turned around. It wasn't josh! It was Dan! No. I need to get away. Before someone sees him here. Is not safe. I don't want him to go through what I do.
"Umm in sorry I thought you was someone else" I said.
"It's fine. Where you off to? How come you weren't at school?" He questioned me. I felt like I was playing who wants to be a millionaire. The answer is me. So I can fly away from here.
"Oh umm. Family issues. And that's where I'm going right now. My umm aunt is dying I better get off and see her he could umm die before I get there. Bye" I called before running off. Wow Phil. Best excuse ever made. Not. I could have thought up better excuses but I was put under pressure. He probably hates me now but that's fine, he can be added to the list. Isn't that what I want. For him to hate me. Then he won't speak to me. Right? Yeah that's what I want. But is it. I don't know what I want anymore.