It's now the first day of summer break for Clair which means we can finally move. We move in a few days, so the house is completely empty and all we have is just a blow-up mattress and some microwavable dinners. It hardly matters since we move in a few days, it better to be prepared anyways. It's the next morning and we have about four trucks outside with all of our things inside, so we are totally prepared to move on Monday. The rest of the time at the old house was the same so that's nothing important. It's now Monday and we are finally moving so that's a big weight off everyone's shoulders especially Susie's. We are now on our way to the city to start unloading all the boxes into the new house. The drive didn't feel that long to any of us because everyone was just making sure all the trucks were on the right path and on schedule to show up to the house by 12:00. We got there earlier than everyone else by about an hour so Susie and Claire's dad started unloading what they could, while Clair and I started exploring more of the house together. It was around 45 minutes later when the trucks started getting there, they had the bigger things with them. Susie hired a crew of movers, so they were going to do most of the work while she directed them where to put the stuff. All of that lasted most of the day, we were done by around 7 pm and Clair was running around all day so once one of the beds was put together, she fell asleep.
I stayed up late to finish constructing my plan to go see my mom. It kept me up most of the night but then again, I don't really need sleep to function. Clair is on summer break at the moment so I just have to wait until Susie takes her somewhere for the day, then that's when I will start my journey to go see my mom across the city. It's been 3 days since we moved in so I think tomorrow they will go for groceries and that will be my perfect opportunity to go without being away from Clair for too long without her noticing. It's the next day and they are going to go to the store later so once they leave, I will go. They took a while to leave but finally they are gone, and I am finally on my way to my mom's house. I begin my trip around 10:30 and I'm now about a quarter there and it's been about an hour. Finally, after hours of trying to get there, I finally made it to my neighborhood just a few houses away and I'll be home. I MADE IT, I really did and I'm now walking up to my front door, I went in and... I saw her for the first time in almost a year and I'm so happy. I spent about an hour going through the house and just watching her, I got to my room and it was the same as I had it when I died. I was surprised that everything was the same down to the things I had hanging on the fridge. I miss her so much; I wish she could see me. I've been here for about 2 hours. I think it's time I go home to Clair now, I feel horrible for leaving her, but I had to see my mom. I hope she doesn't think I left her for good, I left around 5 pm and got home by 9 pm and of course Clair is asleep. The next morning, she woke up and hugged me, which was insane because she's never been able to physically touch me before and neither have I been able to. I hugged her back without question but while we were hugging, she said in a soft voice "please don't leave me again." My heart shattered into a million pieces as I responded to her saying 'I will never leave you... ever.' So that was the end of our moving day.
We've been in the new house for about a month now and it's already early July. We celebrated one of Clair's favorite holidays, the 4th of July. I never knew just how much Clair loved this holiday. Her mom bought her a lot of fireworks to set off, and of course she didn't light them, but she watched from a safe distance. She adored all of them with passion. I think she loves the lights and the patterns they make in the air as they explode and fizzle throughout the sky. That was a fun day for Clair, but that was just the beginning of her amazing month. In a week and a half she will be turning 6 and I was clueless until I heard Susie talk about it to someone on the phone. Probably a family member or friend that she was telling but that's not the point, I'm kind of nervous about it, I mean what if when she turns 6, she stops seeing me or she starts to slowly forget about me. I possibly have only a week left with her, so I better make it count, instead of being paranoid about me disappearing.
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It is Wednesday and we are going to the park in about an hour, after which we eat breakfast and get ready. We finished getting ready and we are now on our way to the park. It's super close so we didn't drive and ended up walking. Claire's dad is also off today so he went with us. It's about a 10-minute walk so it was nothing crazy, we got to the park and Clair immediately ran to the slide because it's her favorite thing to do. She likes for me to chase her around all the obstacles and other wacky things, so without any question I started chasing her. I want this to be the best week of her life so in order to make that happen I will do anything she wants to do or wants me to do. So, after playing with Clair for an hour at the park her parents decided that they should take her out for some ice cream; Clair immediately agreed and got in the car without fighting it. We went to go get ice cream and then went home, Clair and I continued to play the rest of the day, so I think today was a success. It's the next day, and we are already on a roll. Clair got her favorite breakfast and gets to play and do whatever she wants to, according to Susie at least. She picked dress up so that's what we did for half the day. We adventured and ran around the house for hours and the other half of the day we started building a huge fort in the living room. It was so big, Susie joined in on the fun and started playing with us, Clair was so happy for two days straight and that made me happy. I swear Clair makes me feel like a kid all over again and I love that because that makes us closer, I feel like I get younger every day. The rest of the week was about planning her birthday party and where it was going to be, they settled with a trampoline park because after so many choices that's what Clair ended up choosing. Her birthday is in 5 days, so we had to send out invitations to people. We sent out about 15 invitations to her friends. She made new ones fast, she met most of them at the park. Her birthday is on Tuesday, so we had very little time to finish the rest of the planning and arrangements.
It's now Friday and we have only four more days until her birthday and finally everything is done. The rest of the weekend Clair was waiting and waiting for her birthday so when Monday Came, we only had to survive one more night. As you would guess, yes that night felt like a month, but Clair fell asleep early. I stayed up all night though, I was too nervous to sleep especially since I still had that thought in the back of my mind. Eventually the morning came and Clair woke up and I was still here, that was a big weight off my shoulders for now. I'm not out of the dark yet, I could still disappear at any moment. I had not even taken into consideration the fact that I had no idea where I am going to go when I disappear and she stops seeing me. Well now I have another thing I'm going to start questioning from now on. I can't afford to be worrying about anything else except making sure Clair has the best day ever. Everyone got up early and started eating breakfast and getting ready, we had to be there by 11 am so we were kind of in a rush. We got there when we were supposed to and started setting up everything for when everyone got there. It took about 45 minutes for everyone who didn't cancel to show up. Only one of Clair's friends canceled because they were sick, but besides that everyone else showed up. Clair and her friends started playing around 12, I tried to play with Clair too, but I wanted her to play with her friends. I stayed back and just watched her laugh and smile. One of the greatest days of my life was today on her birthday, I almost didn't want it to end. But it had to because Clair is getting older and she's going to have so many more experiences.
It has been 2 weeks since Clair has turned 6 and I feel like something is off, really off... It started a couple days ago, and it was subtle. I was trying to play hide and seek with Clair when my left hand suddenly faded for a few seconds. Well today the same thing happened except this time it wasn't just my hand it was all the way up to my elbow. I have been scared for the past few days, but this pushed me over. I feel like it's happening this time. I didn't tell Clair of course; I don't think she would understand anyways. I'm just going to spend as much time with her as possible and try to see my mom one last time just in case I end up going sooner than expected.
Today is Friday, I just went on a walk with Clair and Susie. We are going to just walk around the neighborhood then go home and get ready. Susie needs to go to the store to get groceries. I'm going to go with them this time, I want to get every experience with Clair that I can. I'm going to go see my mom after we get back from the store and Clair goes to bed. We are back and Clair is still very hyper, so I have to keep her busy until she falls asleep. After 3 hours of playing, I finally wore her out, she is now asleep and I can finally go see my mom. I left around 9 pm and got there around 11:30. I went inside my house and saw my mom asleep, so I decided to just watch her for a while. If I could cry, I would probably be doing that right now. I know I'm right here, but it's not the same, I wish I could talk to her and hug her and tell her that her little boy is okay. I just can't do anything. If I try to touch her my hand just passes right through her. I even tried screaming but of course she couldn't hear me. I sat in her room and just stared off into nothingness the rest of the night, then she woke up and I just watched her go to the kitchen and make breakfast. Then something she did broke me, she made two plates... I sat there broken as I watched her eat alone in our cold dark kitchen. I said my final goodbyes and left knowing I might not ever see her again; I left my house alone like always.
I started to head back to Clair but on the way there the biggest thing happened. My entire left arm faded away and this time it took double the time to come back. After that happened, I rushed back as fast as I could to Clair and got there by noon, I found her crying in her room. When I saw her crying, I immediately came to comfort her, I asked her what was wrong and she said she was sad that I was gone for so long. She told me I broke my promise that I would never leave her. I realized then that I did the exact opposite of the only thing I ever promised her: I left her. I felt bad but it made me think, if she was like this from me leaving for only a few hours then how was she going to feel when I leave for good? I started to freak out and started to question every little thing. I snapped myself out of it and told Clair everything, I told her that one day I might leave forever, and she started crying even worse than before. I felt horrible but that was just the sad truth, I mean, even I knew that one day I would leave but I didn't think It would happen this soon. I told her not to worry because that won't happen for a while, I was lying to her and myself. I have no idea when I'm going to leave but It's going to be soon; I know that because the next morning my entire right leg faded. My leg didn't come back until about a half hour later, I could tell it was getting worse. My limbs are disappearing more and more and it's taking longer and longer for them to come back. If I had to guess I have about a month left but that's just a rough estimate, I might even have only a week left. I think I might have been right about that week, today I woke up with my left arm gone. A total of 9 hours have passed, and it hasn't returned. I think my time is coming soon, how am I going to hide all my limbs disappearing from Clair. She already knows my left arm is gone; I think she is starting to realize it too. We played for only an hour today, I have also been losing my energy faster so I can't really play with Clair too much now. I was just resting when my right leg disappeared permanently, so now I have only one leg and one arm left. I'm scared I'm going to go soon and I don't want to leave Clair, I really don't.
After weeks of this, Clair and I finally got some good news. Susie is pregnant and she wants Clair to pick the name. Clair said the sweetest thing, she told Susie that if it's a boy, she wants his name to be Dylan. I was frozen, I couldn't believe she would say that, I was happy though. If it's a boy, at least little Dylan would keep her happy, I feel like that triggered something. After she said that I started glowing, I was fading away completely. It's finally happening. I told Clair; I'm leaving now. She started crying and I just smiled at her, I told her everything was going to be okay. I told Clair not to worry, I will still watch over you always even if you can't see me. If you ever feel sad just go outside and I look up to the sky, that's where I will be. She cried as she said goodbye and I responded to her with my final words. I told her in a soft voice, I will see you again one day, that's a promise I won't break. Goodbye Clair, for now.
