Breakdown

Demonology

Emily kept her eyes forward, scanning the hall with her torch, the gun in her hand felt cold against her skin. She used to hate moments like this when they entered a dangerous situations trying to sneak up on an unsub, but now her palms are no longer sweaty, she was cool and collected. Hotch was in front taking the lead, no words were needed as they had become in sync, and they both reacted on instinct; the only sounds Emily could hear were the sound of her breath and each footstep as they fell, this is how she liked it, she could think clearly.

They finally approached a door, and both lowered their guns taking positions at either side as Hotch reached for the handle, he looked at Emily waiting for confirmation; she was ready. Emily nodded and they both took a moment before he swung the door open. Emily ran in, gun raised but the sight shook her. A baby was lying on the floor, babbling away. Who would leave a baby alone like this, the small child shouldn't be here. She quickly lowered the gun not to accidently cause damage. Her hearing became muffled but she was sure Hotch was radioing about the situation.

Emily compelled her feet to move but was stuck, she had to reach the child but couldn't. The room suddenly began to move away from her and Emily felt hands grasp her arms, she looked at them, she couldn't tell who grabbed her and the grasp was getting ever tighter. Emily struggled to try everything to get free until the hands eventually threw her down. Emily landed with a thud, but before she could register the pain radiating through her body from landing on hardwood floors, she scrambled back on to her feet and began running back towards the room.

Eventually, she reached the room but now Emily saw herself standing over the baby. How was this possible she couldn't be in two places at once right, the confusion didn't last long as the other Emily lowered her gun, its line of fire directly at the baby,

"stop" she cried out "Put the gun down, we can talk about this"

the other Emily just laughed, she slowly looked up at Prentiss, her eyes cold and with a blink, she was now looking at the younger version of herself, the girl smiled wide "You did this"

Before Emily could react a shot ran out

Emily bolted awake, her room greeted her as she tried to slow her breathing down, sweat covered her body as he rubbed her face with her hands. The nightmares had started months ago, She had found out JJ was pregnant and it started, she was able to compartmentalize in the beginning, waking herself up knowing it was a dream, but as JJ's pregnancy advanced and her heart mourned the pregnancy she never had, it felt more and more real, she thought when JJ had returned she would finally get peace, but now her thoughts were on her child more and more and the dreams began to feel even more real.

Emily looked around at the deshelved contents of the room, clothes thrown around and dirty dishes adorned the bedside table, she hadn't meant to fall asleep but she must have dropped off when she was reading, she was starting to feel the effects of lack of sleep and wondered if she would ever return to normal. She took a quick look at her alarm clock it was only 8 pm but the time of year meant it was pitch black. Emily could have laid back down and fallen asleep but she knew what was waiting for her; she decided a shower was needed and promptly headed to the bathroom.

Once inside she ignored the mirror not wanting to take in the bags that must cover her face, she went over and turned the shower on and waited for it to reach optimal temperature, as the bathroom began to steam up she undressed. She took in every curve of her body, it wasn't the body she had 20 years ago and she didn't mind but tonight her mind drifted to what it could have looked like had she gone through with the pregnancy, would there be excess fat she couldn't get rid of, would there be stretch marks? Her body was full of scars now, from various endeavours yet no reminder of the turmoil she faced at 15.