Emily kept her eyes forward, scanning the hall with her torch, the gun in her hand felt cold against her skin. She used to hate moments like this when they entered a dangerous situations trying to sneak up on an unsub, but now her palms are no longer sweaty, she was cool and collected. Hotch was in front taking the lead, no words were needed as they had become in sync, and they both reacted on instinct; the only sounds Emily could hear were the sound of her breath and each footstep as they fell, this is how she liked it, she could think clearly.
They finally approached a door, and both lowered their guns taking positions at either side as Hotch reached for the handle, he looked at Emily waiting for confirmation; she was ready. Emily nodded and they both took a moment before he swung the door open. Emily ran in, gun raised but the sight shook her. A baby was lying on the floor, babbling away. Who would leave a baby alone like this, the small child shouldn't be here. She quickly lowered the gun not to accidently cause damage. Her hearing became muffled but she was sure Hotch was radioing about the situation.
Emily compelled her feet to move but was stuck, she had to reach the child but couldn't. The room suddenly began to move away from her and Emily felt hands grasp her arms, she looked at them, she couldn't tell who grabbed her and the grasp was getting ever tighter. Emily struggled to try everything to get free until the hands eventually threw her down. Emily landed with a thud, but before she could register the pain radiating through her body from landing on hardwood floors, she scrambled back on to her feet and began running back towards the room.
Eventually, she reached the room but now Emily saw herself standing over the baby. How was this possible she couldn't be in two places at once right, the confusion didn't last long as the other Emily lowered her gun, its line of fire directly at the baby,
"stop" she cried out "Put the gun down, we can talk about this"
the other Emily just laughed, she slowly looked up at Prentiss, her eyes cold and with a blink, she was now looking at the younger version of herself, the girl smiled wide "You did this"
Before Emily could react a shot ran out
Emily bolted awake, her room greeted her as she tried to slow her breathing down, sweat covered her body as he rubbed her face with her hands. The nightmares had started months ago, She had found out JJ was pregnant and it started, she was able to compartmentalize in the beginning, waking herself up knowing it was a dream, but as JJ's pregnancy advanced and her heart mourned the pregnancy she never had, it felt more and more real, she thought when JJ had returned she would finally get peace, but now her thoughts were on her child more and more and the dreams began to feel even more real.
Emily looked around at the deshelved contents of the room, clothes thrown around and dirty dishes adorned the bedside table, she hadn't meant to fall asleep but she must have dropped off when she was reading, she was starting to feel the effects of lack of sleep and wondered if she would ever return to normal. She took a quick look at her alarm clock it was only 8 pm but the time of year meant it was pitch black. Emily could have laid back down and fallen asleep but she knew what was waiting for her; she decided a shower was needed and promptly headed to the bathroom.
Once inside she ignored the mirror not wanting to take in the bags that must cover her face, she went over and turned the shower on and waited for it to reach optimal temperature, as the bathroom began to steam up she undressed. She took in every curve of her body, it wasn't the body she had 20 years ago and she didn't mind but tonight her mind drifted to what it could have looked like had she gone through with the pregnancy, would there be excess fat she couldn't get rid of, would there be stretch marks? Her body was full of scars now, from various endeavours yet no reminder of the turmoil she faced at 15.
Eventually, she was able to step into her shower and let the hot water wash over her, she hoped the nearly scolding water would be enough to distract her, and for a second it did but soon those thoughts were back. Her shower was short enough for her to feel clean and that was enough for her, so after what was probably only 10 minutes she stepped out.
Now adorned in clean clothes Emily ventured to her closet, rummaging around til her eyes gazed upon a small box, she hadn't looked at this box in years, at first it was a regular occurrence, usually when her mum was in bed and Emily couldn't hold back the tears anymore, however as the years passed the frequency lowered and now it was something she forgot she even had. She shakily grabbed the box and brought it over to her bed, opening the lid to find various trinkets. She didn't have much from the ordeal but she did have her first and only scan, her hospital bracelet and a letter, initially she just looked unable to pick anything up, but then her hand moved almost at its own accord, reaching for the folded letter.
As she stared at it her finger traced over the cursive name on the front: Emilia.
Emily hadn't told anyone but her therapist, her mum had forced her to see when she could tell she was battling some big emotions, while she hated those sessions some good had come from them. Rachele had suggested that she name the baby and write a letter as a way to come to terms with what she had to do.
She had picked the Italian form of her name, as she wanted to remove any form of the father, this baby was hers, not his, and if her mother could give Emily her name as her middle name, Emily could use her name as the baby's first name.
As she was about to open it up and re-read the words her focus was broken as her phone rang out, she knew she couldn't ignore it in case it was a new case, so she placed the letter gently back in its place, before reaching up and grabbing her phone.
She didn't take the time to read the number knowing it would probably be JJ or Hotch, but as she placed her ear to the device, before she had the time to even utter her name, a voice she recognised spoke up;
"Emily"
"John?" she hadn't spoken to him in a few years so the fact he was even ringing her meant there was something wrong
"Yeah, sorry to call you so late, but I need to see you"
"0-okay, text me where"
she didn't need a reason to come running, it was that kind of friendship if one called the other dropped everything, no matter how many years had passed. While she was close to Matthew, John also held a special place in her heart.
As she drove in the torrential rain, her thoughts wandered to her time in Rome, it's not like she hadn't thought about it time and time again but she had never thought about that night that led to the baby.
Emily stood, wondering why she was even here, when she had received the invitation she had said yes because Antonio had asked her even though the idea of attending a party full of drunk school kids was the furthest thing she wanted to do. Antonio hadn't spoken to her before that day but she was won over quickly when the most popular boy had wandered to ask her to attend, making sure she became lost in his dreamy eyes, telling some story of how he thought she was pretty and that he was too scared to talk to her.
Now here she was, drink in hand people watching, various kids getting drunker as the night went on, Emily had no clue what number she was on, but as she finished one, Antonio appeared another one in hand, gifting stronger and stronger drinks each time, Matthew and john were long gone, with Matthew dancing with some brunette in the middle of the living room, and john she had no clue where he was
