Dance With Me | Bokuaka |

Chapter 7

Just like he had been summoned Dr. Kuroo popped his head out from behind the office door. His hair looking just about as messy as normal. Sticking out in all sorts of directions. Not in a bad way, though, it honestly suits him well.

"Akaashi, hey! C'mon back" he said in a loud voice.

I should be used to this by now, but his energy never ceases to amaze me. Reminds me of Bokuto, if I'm being honest. But really, what doesn't remind me of him nowadays. They would probably get along if they knew one another.

"SO" he says as he slaps down his clipboard and straddles the office chair, looking in my direction "How've you been?"

"GREAT!" I say sarcastically.

"REALLY?!" He says, almost too excitedly, missing the sarcasm that my statement was dripping in.

"No." I say as he deflates and looks genuinely concerned for me.

"Well why not? What's going on?" He searches my face for some sort of reaction to his questions. But I brush it off with a simple "nothing" while keeping my composure.

I know he's my doctor and I shouldn't lie to him, but my mind really does go blank when I'm confronted with that question. I think it's a defense mechanism meant to keep everyone at arms length, but what would I know? I'm no psychologist.

"Hmmmm yeah, no. That answers not gonna work on me" he chuckles. "C'mon we gotta know what's really going on in that brain of yours if you want to adjust your medicines."

"Ugh, fine." I groan. "I guess.... I guess I've been feeling a little more down than usual lately. It's been hard to get out of bed most days, that is if I even make it to bed before passing out."

I guess now would be a good time to mention that I have Bipolar 2, with an emphasis on the depression side of things, rather than mania. Not a big deal really, but I do find it harder to control my depressive episodes. Medicine helps me navigate it more effectively tho, so I'm doing fine for the most part. As long as I don't miss my medicine.

"Oh and I think I'm seeing things?" I added tentatively.

At this Kuroo gave me a raised eyebrow and a very dry "what?"

I couldn't help but laugh at how insane I sounded. Of course this only made me appear even less stable, but I couldn't help it.

"Haha, ah, haaaa" I finally settle down enough to say "well it's just I keep seeing someone I know. Or at least I think I keep seeing him. But every time I go to investigate, he's never there. I know this sounds crazy, but it's the truth."

"And who is this person to you that you keep seeing? Could it be trauma related?"

"Hmmmm, I mean he didn't cause me any trauma personally, but I guess our parting was pretty traumatic, yeah. He's an ex boyfriend of sorts, one who was abruptly taken away from me. His dad found out about us and up and moved him to the States. His name... was Bokuto Koutarou."

At this Kuroo almost falls out of his chair. I look at him as he steadied himself, obvious confusion flooding my face.

"I know him!" He says excitedly. "Well, I knew him." He quickly corrects himself. "We went to high school around the same time. He was a first year when I was a third year. He was on the volleyball team right?"

In shock, I just quietly nod my head "yes."

*ahem* he clears his throat realizing he's touched on a sore subject for me. "Well maybe you aren't seeing things?" He offers. "Maybe he came back to Japan, I mean he is an adult now. It's not impossible that he could be back, y'know?"

At this point I'm struggling to fight back my tears of frustration. If he's back then why hasn't he come to find me? I would honestly rather be seeing things, at least that would make me feel better than thinking he's back and not looking for me.

Kuroo must be able to sense the tension in the air and thankfully gives me a second to compose myself.

I want to voice these thoughts, but nothing seems to come out. A familiar sensation washes over me & I feel nothing. Just numb.

"Well we can go up on your Aripiprazole? If you think that will make you feel better? And make it easier for you to get out of bed in the mornings? It should help if you really are having hallucinations as well. I didn't mean to discount that part"

In return I offer a quick "it's fine, I'm alright, I think that would be a good idea." Giving a small smile to make it look like I'm not completely devoid of emotion at the moment.

"Okay! Then that's what we'll do! I wanna see you back here in a month to see how this new dosage is working for you."

I can only nod my head in return.

"Hey, you'll tell me if there's anything else right? I'm worried about you Akaashi. Don't go doing anything rash now. Understood?"

At this I straighten up a bit and clear my throat. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I said I'm alright. I won't do anything stupid, I promise" I flash him a quick smile, hoping this convinces him of my being fine. "Well, I guess I'll see you in a month then?" I say as I stand up from the cold chair.

"Yep! See you in a month. Oh, don't forget to check out with Kenma on your way out!"

I nod as I open the door to leave the room. Kenma must be the new receptionist. I didn't grab his name as I checked in earlier. Well I guess I gotta keep up this happy facade for a little while longer.

As I reach the receptionist desk, I notice that this Kenma guy is playing a game on his phone.

"Uhhh I was hoping to check out," I say, trying not to startle him. Offering him a smile.

He looks up, looking a little annoyed that I interrupted his game. But he simply says "what was the name again?" In a dry tone.

"Um, Akaashi Keiji" I state.

"Okay, it looks like he wants to see you back here in a month. Does that work for you?" He says, eyeing me.

"Yes, yeah I'll be here." I say.

"Alright, then I've got you scheduled."

"Well I guess I'll see you then." I say weakly, as my energy starts draining from me trying to keep up this cheery disposition.

"Yeah, see you then" he mumbles as he returns to his game.

Ugh, finally it's time to go home. I just want to curl up with my cats, Tsukki and Yams, and call it a day. After all, tomorrow is a very big day for me. It'll be my first solo recital since last Spring. I have to rest up and be performance ready. No more time for silly thoughts of Bokuto. With or without him I've waited my whole life, I can wait a little longer. Just focus on the performance and then afterwards I'll go celebrate with friends. Yeah, it'll be great.

What could possibly go wrong?
•
•
•
•
•
A/N: Tsukki and Yams are my cats' names, so I had to put them in the story. 🥰

Also I stole a few lines from this song, but this kind of describes how I think Akaashi is feeling right now. Listen if you have the time, I think it will add a deeper meaning to the story.

Thanks for reading!