Everything You Need

Chapter Thirty-Three

Madeline

Since I got pregnant, my life has been on such a crash course. I never thought that this would ever happen to me. I always thought I could just enjoy life and do whatever I want. Obviously not anymore.

I pregnant by a man that has a wife. I had sex while pregnant with another man. Oh my god. What the fuck is happening to my life? I just do things and I don't care about the consequences.

I have no shame either. None what's so ever. I really need a holiday. I should start planning Destiny's birthday for her. I miss my family. I haven't spent so much time away from home, that I forgot how I was raised.

This is not what I am and definitely not how I was raised. If my mom knew half of it, she would be so disappointed in me. My dad would probably stop talking to me, even disown me. I pressed my lips together.

I need to book that abortion asap. My hormones and my emotions all feel so different. I don't feel like myself. Since I have been pregnant, I just feel so fucking different. I'm even starting get a bump. I see it in the mirror and I feel like I should be happy, when I'm not.

The pain from Giselle's words hit me, Lauren calling me a whore, because she wasn't wrong. I was fucking her husband. Her husband! I broke out crying, because I just didn't think with my head. I thought with my pussy. I did whatever made her happy.

I just stopped thinking. This isn't me. I don't act like this, I don't sleep with people's husbands. Divorcing or not. I cried as I held myself, trying to comfort myself, because there was nobody for me to call.

I can't call my mom, because she would cuss me out the same way. I can't call Christopher, because he would tell me it was okay and he would reassure me, which is what I didn't need.

I looked down at my phone and eye were blurry with tears. What is happening to my life? I tried to control my tears, but honestly it was like a rush of water breaking through the dam, causing a flood. It was too much to hold in. I cried into my hands as I was just trying to understand what is happening with my life.

I have been acting out of character. I'm just don't me. I feel like a completely different person. I just couldn't stop crying and I needed to cry and feel ashamed of who I have become.

Johnathon is right, I'm cock hungry it is so bad. I have had sex with two guys in twenty-fours with no condom. I'm so much more careful than that. I would never do something like that. I'm always careful, but isn't that how I got pregnant?

I wasn't careful, Christopher really just made me forget whatever standards I had for myself. I lifted my head up and I wiped my tears once again. I need to just get this abortion over and done with it. I have no clue what I want to do after that.

It didn't take me long to start figuring out a day to get that abortion. I seriously am not ready to have a baby or even never. I can't be a mom in this state.

I booked the appointment for this Wednesday. That was only two days away. I touched my belly and I rubbed it slightly. Sorry little guy or little girl, but I can't have you. I need to sort myself out. Fix my fucking life.

I put my phone to the side as I look down at my belly and hold my stomach. I could see a small bump coming along, but not too noticeable unless I was bloated.

***

Christopher held my hand as we walked out the clinic. I felt kind of at a loss. I didn't know how to feel or what to think. He was just by my side the whole time, but I honestly didn't know what to do. I just felt so confused.

I didn't want to take the pill as I didn't want to wait. I just wanted it to be over and done with. I was in a lot of discomfort and I just felt uncomfortable. I had to stay for a while, just to make sure I was okay.