Poetry: Under the Influence

Be Free

What would you do if you dream of a scenario where you see your friend with someone else
You scurry to the side and see their interaction like a predator waiting for their prey
But disappear among the midst of the crowd and you're left feeling lost

You wake up to see yourself lying in your bed thinking it was just a dream
But the ache doesnt go away, it all seems to real
Maybe I'm just alone and I felt jealous of their companionship
Me alone in a dark room dont equate to happiness
Not even the pills in my pocket can remove the hollow marks of deceit painted by the hallmarks of illusion

Reality stings a heavy burden in my fragile heart
Every second, the weight it holds grows harder
And with each passing minute, the reality sinks in and a truth which I will deny will reveal itself

I hold true to what is a figment not to what is steadfast
Its gentle caress lulls me to sleep at night and a mechanism to cope in the morning
But I cannot deny it's gripes within it as it tears me down from the inside
Nothing I find pleasing pleases me
The colors suddenly turn gray
My whole world has turned upside down since I aged and I still haven't come into terms of my situation
Should I cave to these feelings of desire and make myself happy
Or should I succumb to an indefinite feeling of loneliness all for the sake of an undeniable truth that will either way hurt me or another

I could have all the hints laid out on me, but still I struggle to make a choice or make a move
For the fear of rejection haunts me to this day
The idea of hurt hurts me more and chains me to my bedroom
But I'm tired to being trapped in a room where the air feels heavier than outside
I needed fresh air but I cant seem to break free of my own chains
How can I be free?