BEFORE THE STORM-SKINS UK (G.2)

EPISODE 6.1

A/N
Hi!Once again,this is more of a filler cos Trish has nothing to do with JJ's story in his episode
I've decided to make it longer cos it was pretty fun to write and I wanted to show Trish in the mental hospital

We're in the car,mum's driving me to a mental hospital I think
Like that'll help me

We haven't said a word in a lot,since she picked me up from the hospital
The last thing she said was about my hair
"I like them this way" she commented,they're all wavy now since I obviously couldn't straighten them
But I don't care about wether she like amy hair or not,now I just want to take a shower
In answer I just hummed,without a word

How could you talk about hair when you're picking up your daughter,who just tried to kill herself,to bring her to a mental hospital?

I fidget with the edge of my bandages
They've changed them today but I didn't have the courage to look underneath them

"Trish,honey" she starts "Why didn't you want your father to see you?"
"What kind of a question is that?Cos the last time I saw him,he hit me,and you"
"Now he's changed,I swear,the therapy did him good"
"Mum,I'm still not ready to see him,understood?"
"But...why?"
"He's a part of...this" I say holding up my bandaged wrist "So,no,I don't want to se him,I don't plan to do it soon"

We stay silent again

I look out of the window as we approach a structure
I take a look at the big green garden,trying to understand the atmosphere
There benches scattered here and there,I see a few people,all dressed in a yellow pyjama, doing what seems like a sort of yoga
I look at the main building and it's not really what I expected
It looks more like and old mansion than a mental hospital
Dark brown bricks covering all of it,big windows framed by white cold ivory reflecting the white light of today and giant wooden doors
I notice some people curled up on the porch,smoking a cigarette or simply just talking with their visitors
We get past the tall iron gate,open and ready to swallow me whole
It all seems like a different world,like if it's in its on bubble

As the car stops my stomach twists
I get a glimpse of the sign "St. George psychiatric center"
We stay still in the car,almost too afraid to move
I turn toward mum
I can feel the tension radiating from her, the guilt and worry she's been carrying for weeks now. I don't want to look at her, but I can't help it. When I do, she's already staring at me, her eyes watery, filled with a kind of helplessness that makes my chest ache
"We're here" she says softly
I sigh

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. My throat is tight, and my hands are shaking in my lap.There's nothing I
can say.
She reaches out, resting her hand on mine
I should say something, but the words won't come. I just stare at the building, feeling like I'm on the edge of a cliff
Finally, she gives my hand a squeeze and steps out of the car. I watch her walk around to my side
When she opens my door, I force myself to get out, even though my legs feel like they might give way beneath me
Standing outside the car, the building seems even larger, more oppressive.
The air is cold, and I pull my jacket tighter around me, wishing I could disappear into it.

She pulls my suitcase out of the trunk and gets near me
"Are you ready?"
"No" I whisper
But what else can I do?
I still have to walk through the big wooden door wether I like it or not
We start walking and approach the entrance
The doors is opened and we're greeted by a red haired woman
"Hi,Astrid,welcome,we've been waiting for you" she says professionally with a posh accent,like she already said this a million times before
I stay silent and stare blankly at my shoes
"Come on,I'll show you around,follow me" she says

We're walking behind her as she gets past the door and gets in the building
"So,we have very strict rules about clothing,you'll have to wear what will be given to you"
"Those yellow pyjamas?"
"Basically yeah.So you'll be assigned a counselor you'll see everyday and there are many activities that we can recommend you along with your therapy.Such as art therapy,the art room is right here,healthy anger management or good old exercise in the open air"
"Okay"
"There is the common room,right there,the cafeteria,where you'll dine,and from this one door you can go in the garden.Now I know that's a lot to remember,but you'll get used to it soon
Now,let me show you your room"
We walk along the hallway
I notice almost all the door opened and I peek to see the people inside
"Alright,this is your room"
She shows me a room with a single bed,a desk,an armchair and a sofa
It looks so...cold
"We recommend to always leave your door open,but if you don't there's no problem since every fifteen minutes someone checks if in your room,what you're doing and such.The bathroom door can't be locked,for security reasons,and someone has to stand behind the door as you bathe"
"Oh"
"If you want to shave your legs we have cut-proof razors and you have to be watched as you use them.Do you smoke?"
"Yup"
"If you want to light a cigarette you have to go to the front desk,where it'll be lit for you.Oh,I almost forgot,you're not allowed to use your phone,if you want to make a phone call ask always at the front desk and...that should be it"
"Oh...okay"
"See you at dinner,Astrid"

She walks away and leaves me and mum alone
"Do you wanna help to unpack?"
"Yeah"
I look on the bed,where's the yellow pyjama I have to wear
I take off my boots,my mom jeans,my tank top and my shirt and put them on,I put on loafers and put my hair up
I'll miss dressing normally
I put the tank top on the armchair,maybe I'll put it under everything if I'm cold
I give mum the rest of the clothes and my phone,she'll bring them home

We start unpacking,I made mum bring me some books I can read,notebooks where I can draw,some cigarettes and my iPod so I can listen to music

I put everything on the desk

~~~~~

I'm woken up by a nurse coming into my room
"Checks" she explains "It's 8 am,dear,you might need to get up"
I groan
"Oh,and at 12 you'll meet your counselor"
"You mean my psychiatrist"
"Yeah,I'll take you to the office when it's time to"
She walks away

I'm not in the mood for breakfast,at all,I stay in the bed a little more
I feel like I'm too heavy to even move
After like half an hour I get up and finally move

I go to the cafeteria,drink coffee and go smoke a cigarette on the porch
There I notice another girl smoking
"Hey" she says to me
"Hello"
"I'm Janet" she says holding her hand out for me to shake
"Trish" I answer shaking her hand
"You're new?"
"Yup" I take a drag "I arrived yesterday" I add
"Oh,I see.Is it your first time being sectioned?"
"Yeah"
"What are you in for?"
"I tried to kill myself"
"Same here,overdose"
"I slit my wrists"
"Ohh,much more graphic"
"I guess so"
We stay silent for a moment
It's oddly peaceful out here,ignoring everything else
"How long have you been here?" I break the silence
"Three weeks" she says flicking the ashes of her cigarette "It seems like forever,but like no time at all.It's hard to explain"
"And it's helping you?"
Janet hesitates, then shrugs. "Some days, maybe. Other days... not so much. But it's better than being out there, I guess. At least here, I don't have to pretend everything's fine."
"Yeah," I murmur, looking down at the ground. "Pretending is exhausting." I add
"So,want any tips to survive this place?"she asks
I nod
"Well, for starters, avoid the cafeteria's 'meatloaf' at all costs. It's more like a science experiment than food."
I chuckle "Good to know. What else?"
"And steer clear of group therapy if John Forest is leading it.He's the worst."
I frown. "John Forest?"
"Yeah, the therapist who thinks he's some kind of mental health guru. Talks more about himself than actually helping anyone. Or,if he is your personal therapist,he'll probably try to make you forget all your memories instead of actually working to help you."
"Sounds like a nightmare."
"You have no idea"
"So John Foster bad,avoid meatloaf,noted.Anything else?"
"Just try and stick with someone to,you know,make this place less depressing.Having a smoke buddy helps"
"Well looks like I just found one,thanks for the tips" I say flicking the cigarette butt on the ground
"Any time"

~~~~~

"Astrid,follow me please" the nurse says interrupting my reading
I get up and do so
"Hey,what's your name?" I ask her
"Margaret"
"You seem nice,Margaret"
She doesn't say anything
"So,who's my shrink?"
"Her name's Alice Hanson"
"Hanson" I mutter repeating her
"That's it" she says as we get to a door

I knock
"Come in!" I hear
I get in and I'm met by a woman who looks like she's in her late twenties,she looks young
I sit down in front of her
She doesn't seem to bad
"So...Astrid-"
"Erm, you can call me Trish"
"Trish.Tell me a bit about yourself"
"Erm...there's nothing much to say,really"
"Well it seems to me that there is enough for a great story accordingly to what I know about you"
"What do you know about me?"
"Not even eighteen and you've tried to kill yourself,with some traces of drugs found in your blood" she reads her notes
"Well that's difficult to explain"
"I know,so why don't we start off easy and tell me a bit about you...how was your childhood?"
"My childhood...well I have mostly happy memories...I really liked playing in the park with my friends of the time"
"What about your parents?"
"Gosh,where do I start? Erm...my mum...she had this,like,phases when she would sleep on the sofa or always be late for work...and other when she would clean up the whole house and cook a gourmet dinner for example"
"Oh,I see"
"My dad...well,he's an alcoholic. Since I was a kid he would get drunk and...violent.My mum kicked him out after he cheated on her three years ago,but they got back together some months ago"
"How was it?"
"Dad?I gotta tell you at the beginning it was quite hard,I wouldn't forgive him so easily.After some time,seeing he had gotten better I let my guard down a bit...and one day,coming back home from school I found him drunk again and...he hit me"
"That's horrible...what did you do?"
"I went living at a friend's until mum brought him to...Santa Fe,in order to get him better"
"Have you seen him yet?"
"No,I didn't let him"