Alaric Windsor has lost it all-his twin, his morals, and the last fragile thread of his sanity. Desperate to outrun the blood-soaked past that haunts him, he seeks refuge in the quiet town of Cedar Creek.
Then, he meets Vaela. A grey-eyed dove with...
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It was too bright, too colourful; I felt like an imposter in the room, overwhelmed by the stimuli. After being weighed down by darkness for so long, warmth and joy felt foreign.
I glanced around, agitated. The white walls were covered in abstract artwork, and plush, vibrant furniture filled the space. It didn't look anything like I imagined a psychiatrist's office would. A large window allowed the late afternoon light to filter in, casting long shadows on the floor. They danced and twirled with my memories, stirring something uneasy deep inside me.
I sat on a burgundy leather couch, my fingers nervously gripping the edge of the seat, tapping rhythmically. My heart raced, and despite the warmth of the room, a chill crawled up my spine. The urge to bolt, to run out the door, nearly overwhelmed me.
But Alaric was here, his comforting arm wrapped around my shoulders, anchoring me to this moment. His presence was the only thing keeping me grounded, the only thing stopping me from fleeing.
Across from me sat Dr. Rivers, the psychiatrist Gia had recommended. She looked younger than I expected, maybe in her mid-thirties, with dark brown hair pulled back into a neat bun. Her sharp eyes were softened with understanding, and everything about her—her posture, her movements, her voice—radiated calm. It was such a contrast to the chaotic storm inside my mind.
"Vaela," she said softly, her voice smooth and gentle, like she was coaxing a frightened animal from hiding. "Thank you for coming today. I know it took a lot to walk through that door."
I gave a slight nod, unsure how to respond. My throat felt tight, as if something heavy was lodged there, refusing to let any words out. So I settled for silence, unable to find the strength to speak.
Dr. Rivers didn't rush me. She waited, patient and composed, before speaking again. "Why don't we start simple?" Her tone was light but steady, without pressure. "I'd like to know how you're feeling today. Just whatever comes to mind."
I stared down at my hands, the silence thickening between us. How was I feeling? Terrified, restless, hollow. But none of those words seemed enough to explain the chaos inside me. I felt like I was on the edge of something—a precipice—but I didn't know if I was about to fall or leap.
"It's like my insides are clawing to escape my chest," I finally whispered, the words barely making it past my lips. "But not to run away. Just to wrap around me, to pull me in deeper."
Dr. Rivers nodded, her gaze unwavering, as if she could see the battle raging inside me. "That sounds suffocating," she said gently. "Like you're trying to break free, but something's holding you back. Does that sound right?"
I swallowed hard, nodding, the tightness in my chest pressing down harder. "Yeah... It's like I'm in a continuous form of drowning, where I can't reach the surface or succumb to the depths. And the more I fight, the worse it becomes."
Alaric's hand squeezed my shoulder gently, a silent reminder that he was there, that I wasn't alone. But even with him beside me, I felt like I was sinking, sometimes lost in a darkness that I couldn't shake.
Dr. Rivers leaned forward slightly. "That feeling... it can come from a lot of places. Trauma, fear, grief. Sometimes we hold onto things without realizing it, and it builds until we feel like we're trapped in our own minds."
I bit down on my bottom lip, the words she said hitting too close to home. My mother, the men, the years of abuse, and now, the fear of losing Alaric. It felt like I'd never had a chance to breathe, never had a moment of peace.
"I don't know how to let go. It's like... it's all I know. And I don't know who I am without the fear, without the chaos."
Dr. Rivers smiled softly, not a happy smile but one filled with empathy. "It's hard to imagine a life outside of that, especially when it's been your reality for so long. But Vaela, you don't have to face it all at once. There's a way through this, a way to find yourself again, even if it feels impossible right now."
I glanced at Alaric, his face tight with concern, his eyes watching me with that unshakable intensity. He had always seen more in me than I could ever see in myself. And maybe that was part of the problem. I wasn't just fighting the darkness—I was fighting the belief that I didn't deserve the light.
"How do I begin?"
Dr. Rivers smiled. "You begin by acknowledging that you deserve to heal. It's not about erasing the past or forgetting the pain. It's about accepting that you're more than the trauma, more than what's happened to you. And you don't have to hide from it."
Her words felt like hope and possibility. Maybe there was a way to start untangling the mess inside me. Maybe, with time, I could learn to breathe again. Alaric's hand slid down my arm, and he intertwined his fingers with mine. His touch was warm and solid, and I clung to it like a lifeline.
Clapping her hands together, Dr. Rivers smiled again, that soft, knowing smile. "Let's start with grounding strategies for when the thoughts start to wander..."
We worked through strategies and ways to recognize when my episodes would start. The more we talked, the more I felt myself ease into her therapy.
By the time the session ended, I was exhausted, raw, and void of the noise inside. She'd peeled back layer after layer until I was left bare. It felt relieving to escape the sounds within my head for a second, to give them to Dr. Rivers for a moment.
Alaric stood with me. "Thank you, Dr. Rivers," I smiled gratefully.
She clasped my hand between both of hers. "Take it easy, Vaela, one step at a time. Be kind to yourself, don't force yourself or beat yourself up over this. It'll take time. You have a strong support system, lean on him when you feel like you need a little extra help." She glanced at Alaric.
An arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. Alaric nodded at the psychiatrist before walking us out of her office. His grip on me never loosened, his thumb gently tracing circles on my skin as we reached the car parked just outside the building.
He opened the passenger door for me, and I slid in without a word. The silence between us was comfortable—I needed a moment to absorb everything Dr. Rivers had worked through. Alaric closed the door softly behind me and got in on the driver's side. The low hum of the engine filled the space as we drove in silence, the city lights reflecting off the windows.
When I was ready, I said, "Thank you, for being here with me."
"How are you feeling? Was it too much?"
I kept my focus on the blurry shapes of buildings and streetlamps passing us by. "I don't know... It feels like everything inside me has been shaken up. It sounds silly, but by accepting the voices and the memories, I feel in control. Fighting them, being lost in them... it was draining."
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