Her Dirty Little Secret [18+] Todeskreis Series #1

28 | In Darkness Swirled, We Own The World

It was too bright, too colourful; I felt like an imposter in the room, overwhelmed by the stimuli. After being weighed down by darkness for so long, warmth and joy felt foreign.

I glanced around, agitated. The white walls were covered in abstract artwork, and plush, vibrant furniture filled the space. It didn't look anything like I imagined a psychiatrist's office would. A large window allowed the late afternoon light to filter in, casting long shadows on the floor. They danced and twirled with my memories, stirring something uneasy deep inside me.

I sat on a burgundy leather couch, my fingers nervously gripping the edge of the seat, tapping rhythmically. My heart raced, and despite the warmth of the room, a chill crawled up my spine. The urge to bolt, to run out the door, nearly overwhelmed me.

But Alaric was here, his comforting arm wrapped around my shoulders, anchoring me to this moment. His presence was the only thing keeping me grounded, the only thing stopping me from fleeing.

Across from me sat Dr. Rivers, the psychiatrist Gia had recommended. She looked younger than I expected, maybe in her mid-thirties, with dark brown hair pulled back into a neat bun. Her sharp eyes were softened with understanding, and everything about her—her posture, her movements, her voice—radiated calm. It was such a contrast to the chaotic storm inside my mind.

"Vaela," she said softly, her voice smooth and gentle, like she was coaxing a frightened animal from hiding. "Thank you for coming today. I know it took a lot to walk through that door."

I gave a slight nod, unsure how to respond. My throat felt tight, as if something heavy was lodged there, refusing to let any words out. So I settled for silence, unable to find the strength to speak.

Dr. Rivers didn't rush me. She waited, patient and composed, before speaking again. "Why don't we start simple?" Her tone was light but steady, without pressure. "I'd like to know how you're feeling today. Just whatever comes to mind."

I stared down at my hands, the silence thickening between us. How was I feeling? Terrified, restless, hollow. But none of those words seemed enough to explain the chaos inside me. I felt like I was on the edge of something—a precipice—but I didn't know if I was about to fall or leap.

"It's like my insides are clawing to escape my chest," I finally whispered, the words barely making it past my lips. "But not to run away. Just to wrap around me, to pull me in deeper."

Dr. Rivers nodded, her gaze unwavering, as if she could see the battle raging inside me. "That sounds suffocating," she said gently. "Like you're trying to break free, but something's holding you back. Does that sound right?"

I swallowed hard, nodding, the tightness in my chest pressing down harder. "Yeah... It's like I'm in a continuous form of drowning, where I can't reach the surface or succumb to the depths. And the more I fight, the worse it becomes."

Alaric's hand squeezed my shoulder gently, a silent reminder that he was there, that I wasn't alone. But even with him beside me, I felt like I was sinking, sometimes lost in a darkness that I couldn't shake.