Hi, Death

Day 1

Day 1

Legends say when people die, their souls roam the Earth for 9 days until they completely dissipate. I don't believe that. For me, once you die, you're gone. Not floating restlessly in the mortal realm or in any other realm. Just gone, not even wandering the abyss.

Yeah, abyss... endless pit... nothing but a dark empty space. Ha! What a familiar feeling. To be honest I don't know where or when this feeling started. It just appeared one day and without notice. I tried to fight it. Tried to make it go away but it bit me like a leech, slowly sucking the happiness out of my body. It sucks, really. To be stuck here.

Have you ever felt that feeling? Have you ever felt the numbness and confusion of where you really should be? Sometimes wondering... is it really your fate to be here walking on earth or it's just a mistake because you are not really supposed to be here.

That's what I'm feeling right now. I feel numb, confused and don't know where to go. I feel like I'm floating. Everything around me is blurry. Even the sounds are hazy. It is like my whole system is vomiting every little thing life has for me. My breath, my voice, my sense of touch, my emotions. All of it.

I feel numb and I want it to end. I want to feel something. Because this... not feeling anything, it's scaring me. I want to hurt myself, shout at myself. What am I doing? I don't like this. But even just to speak, I don't have the energy to do so.

Here I am now, staring at the calm deep dark water below, choosing not to be numb and stuck here anymore. And so, I jumped.

I don't know how much time had passed but what I did know was I'm now coughing my lungs out as the water burst out of my mouth.

"You're okay. You're okay." Someone said as if reassuring himself and not really pertaining to me.

I tried to sit up and immediately felt a hand helping me. It then patted me on the back because I'm still coughing. I want to shove it away but I don't have the energy. The only energy I have right now is to catch my breath which is irritating because a minute ago, I didn't want to breathe anymore.

The pat continued which slowly turned into a rub. When I finally settled down, I pushed the hand away without even looking at the owner. I stand up and walk away.

"Hey!"

I ignored it and continued to walk away. I was mad. Not just mad, furious. I wanted to end it. I wanted me gone. I wanted to meet my own finish line. But then someone had the audacity to meddle and think they knew me better. So why wouldn't I be furious?

Sadly, they caught up with me and pulled my arm.

"Hey–" he said but he interrupted his own thought with a "What the fuck! I really can touch you."

I tilted my head and furrowed my eyebrows, confused and angry. I yanked my arm back to myself and shouted, "Yeah, what the fuck! You realized that now when you just saved me from freeing myself from this big ass blackhole and been patting my back the whole time?!"

I noticed how he turned from being shocked to ... disappointed. Why the fuck would he be disappointed for?

"I never thought you would be so..." with droopy eyes he said, "lonely."

I clenched my jaw and flared. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Don't speak as if you knew everything about me."

I turned my back on him and started to walk away, again but this motherfucker decided to follow me. So I stopped on my tracks and looked back.

"What are you doing?" I asked but he didn't answer. He just stopped walking like I did. 

I noticed how soft his eyes were, as if concerned, as if he really knew me. It looks like he pities me. 

I hate it. So I glared at him. "Stop giving me those fucking eyes and stop following me!"