Jona
Tristin is gone. He broke up with me. He wanted his peace. He was trying to build, focus, and go after his career. I wasn't healed. He felt I wouldn't be able to be there. He felt disrespected. That I didn't listen to him. He didn't want the stress of being my therapist, my lover, etc. On top of how I'd treat him. He felt that I wasn't good for his career and building. That for him I'd be an anchor. I was getting in his way. He wanted a partner about it from day one. Without having to be forced or told. He decided we weren't good for each other's growth. So he ended contact too. Wanting me to heal and succeed even if he wouldn't be around to see it. Wanting me to love and keep my beautiful soul. Telling me I'm a good woman but need to heal. Once everything to each other and now strangers. I'm not gonna say we're nothing because he's far from nothing to me. Tristin is my light. My world. The star that brightened my sky. I'll always love him. I may have been selfish but I'm also selfless. As much as I don't want to be broken up because I love and want Tristin. I understand this is what he felt was best. For his growth, his career, his future, and his building. I want what's best for him. Enough to understand that may not be me. I want him to be happy, successful, feel at peace, and so much more. He deserves it all. For Tristin I'd give the world if I could. Because he's right, it isn't about me. It's bigger than me. I want him to have all the finer things in life. I guess sometimes you love something so much you don't have a choice but to let it go. Because they need to fly. Feel the breeze under their wings. I still remember when he texted me ending things. I sobbed. My voice cracked. I remember when I tried to shower and I wanted so badly to hit the shower walls. I was breaking down. Trying to drown the sobbing with the running water. As I prayed out loud for Tristin to come back. For things to be different. For a future and life with him. A family with him. To marry him. I remember feeling so angry. So broken and hurt. Like how could he do this to me? Like he knew I was already hurt and have trauma and now he's leaving me after I tried to get him to understand. But I pushed him to that point. I never could hate him. Because Tristin is an incredible man. I decided to take accountability. To reflect. I wanted to have compassion and be understanding for his side and what he needed. I remember telling my family we're not together and explaining it. Telling them how much I don't want that to be the case. Filled with so much pain, hurt, and regret. Continuing to pray. Whether about us, Tristin, or myself. I prayed for his success, happiness, peace, for him to be watched over, for his safety, etc. I don't think Tristin will ever comprehend the love I have for him. How much I absolutely love and adore him. I was working on being better for him and our relationship. But now all I can do is wish him all and nothing but the best. Pray for him. Love and support him even if it has to be from a distance. Just holding onto hope that in the near future it changes and we can do it right. Because that's all I want for Tristin. For him to see success, to be happy, have peace, and for him to be safe. I'm not gonna lie it's extremely hard. Not being with Tristin anymore nor having contact due to being blocked. After he blocked me I put the stuff from him, or that are of us in my drawers and closet out of sight. Never getting rid of any of it. At first I took the rings off. I was tired. I didn't want to keep fighting. Tristin, my person that I want a life with is gone. We're not together anymore. He made me want to live. I actually envisioned a future. Him leaving made life dark again. It felt like a rug was snatched up from underneath me. Not too long after I decided to put the rings back on because even though we may be broken up. I love Tristin with everything in me. I carry him with me and in my heart. He's my first love. He taught and showed me love. Along with so much more. He's still the only man I want. I keep in mind the reason I need to heal, because I'm no longer with the man I love, so it's clear I'm affecting those around me.
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Until the end of the line
RomanceJona has had a not great upcoming and life. Family issues. Trauma. Toxic friends. Drama. Fake friends. Childhood trauma. So it caused insecurities, low self esteem, trust issues, fears/worries/doubts. She lived life viewing through a tinted lens. Sh...