Lost In You

Chapter 13 - Heartfelt Thoughts

Aneung

"Aneung!" Yui called out as I waited for class to start. She dashed over with her phone in hand, her excitement palpable. "Look at this, Aneung!"

Reluctantly, I sat up and glanced at her phone, my disinterest evident.

"What about it?" I asked flatly, scanning the screen. It was just a typical social media post about someone dating someone else—nothing out of the ordinary.

Yui sighed in frustration. "You're not paying attention! This is a hot topic!"

"What?" I squinted at the phone, pretending to care, though my mind was already wandering.

"This girl is dating someone almost 10 years older than her. And guess what? She's dating a woman!"

I shrugged, trying to mask the discomfort creeping in. "So? What's wrong with that?"

"Can you imagine their conversations? One's probably immature while the other's all serious. They're in completely different phases of life! What could they possibly have in common? Sex?" she said casually, dropping down next to me.

Her words hit like a punch, immediately triggering thoughts of my own relationship with Ar-neung and that awkward moment with Lux.

"Why not? If they chose to be together, they must have something in common," I replied, though the doubt in my voice was hard to hide.

Yui shook her head. "Seriously, Aneung, think about it. One's working, the other's still in school. They're probably talking about homework, with the older one doing all the helping. What does the younger one bring to the table?"

"It's still a relationship, isn't it?" I said, though I felt a pit forming in my stomach.

"It's unfair, especially to the older one. She has the experience and can help, but what about her stress at work? Think about it, Aneung."

"Why are you so worked up about this?" I blurted, biting my tongue before I revealed too much. "It's not like I'm dating someone older," I mumbled, the lie feeling heavy on my lips.

"I'm just warning you," Yui said with a smile, softening the mood. "Don't ruin yourself by dating someone way older."

I leaned in, trying to tease her. "And what if I do?"

"I'd wish you luck. But don't come crying to me when things get complicated." She laughed, but her words stung. "Just kidding, Aneung. I'll always be by your side, no matter what."

I forced a smile, but as class began, Yui's words played on repeat in my head. 

Were her concerns about age gaps true? Was I really contributing anything to my relationship with Ar-neung? She had her life figured out, while I was still in school, uncertain about the future. Could I really help her, or was I just dead weight? Was our relationship based on something deeper, or was it just physical? The questions circled relentlessly, eating away at my confidence.

When class ended, my phone pinged.

Neung: My dearest. I'm in the office today, come find me, will you?

Aneung: Alright, I'll come by in a bit. Class just ended.

I packed my things quickly, brushing off Yui's offer to hang out.

"You're always so busy these days. Seeing someone?" Yui teased as we walked toward the door.

Her question sent a jolt of panic through me. "N-no, I'm not. We'll hang out tomorrow, promise!" I deflected with a laugh, pushing her gently. My heart was racing, the lie tumbling out too easily.