Metanoia; Jude Bellingham

vientidos

amaya watched from a distance. the way his body graciously glided through the pitch. laughter emitting his lips. football was his peace. it's where jude glowed. amaya couldn't put it into words the way- she actually didn't have the words, she just knew jude belonged there. it was like if the creator himself purposeful made his body for this world and that specific sport. amaya wondered if she had a spot in his world? she knew better than to want to be part of his world especially with a blooming potential relationship with someone else but she couldn't help herself.

she deeply had rooted herself inside of jude, so deep that it would physically hurt him the day she uprooted herself and left him. amaya couldn't even think about a life without him. he had become such a crucial piece in her puzzle that she felt that there would be a gaping hole in universe without him. so she stayed, the quiet nights were they tangled in their beds together. his hands caressing her body, his lips everywhere. amaya felt like she would burn alive and she would rather feel the burn than to not have him again.

it was beyond selfish. the way she craved him knowing that he would never be hers, but she would rather endure suffering than to be without him. it was stupid actually, the way she subjected herself to misery in order to keep him. jude on the other hand, fought with his demons. he had never been insecure in his life that he wasn't sure what to do. he held on to amaya with a tight grip, pulling her close enough to him that he felt that the world was right. no one had ever challenged him to change his ways. at twenty, the englishman had no desire in being in anything that wasn't a fleeting moment but she unwillingly made him feel like he was never enough.

"you com'n tonight?" aurelian's voice finally filled the quiet space around amaya, her attention now at the smiling frenchman who bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet, with his hands behind his back waiting for amaya to answer, "y'know since you've bailed on us for your new man." his voice having a slight playful edge to it, teasing her for spending more time in barcelona and ditching when the group would get together.

amaya rolled her eyes, reaching to shove him playfully, "he's not my man, and second of all of course, cama put me on drink duty all night." a free day the following day certainly always called for the players to indulge in actives they typically wouldn't if they had training the next day.

aurelian nodded, walking with amaya offering a helpful hand with the black bag she hauled with her while they were training. his eyes trained on the american who looked at her feet, "jude will be there, y'know?" he began, caution in his voice unsure if they weren't even talking anymore.

amaya nodded. it had slowly been weeks since she even spoke to jude that didn't include a greeting or anything work related. the situation between them growing a tension that she didn't know how to describe anymore. jude seemed to avoid her like the plague. hiding in between his teammates when she would come around or leaving the conversation. she couldn't recall if she had done anything to him, but his actions hurt her. she missed her friend and most of all she missed his company, "i would hope so."
the words left her mouth as aurelian nodded, "i'm not sure what i did to him, ari?" she looked at him, a small smile on her lips as she felt aurelian bring her to tight shoulder hug, "he left my messages on delivered when i asked him if he would be coming to thanksgiving with the rest of you guys the other day- and i know he saw my message. he's always on his phone. has he said anything to you guys?"

aurelian shook his head. camavinga and brahim had tried to strike the conversation with jude one day after training, but jude had shut them off muttering something about her new boyfriend, "nothing, really, i swear." he promised making amaya nod, "i guess it's weird to be having sex while you're like dating or seeing- i don't know what you're doing," aurelian's head shook in frustration, jude claiming amaya was dating the spaniard but amaya denying the allegations- it was all too confusing for him and quite frankly he did not want to keep up with it, "i guess i would also feel some type of way if the woman i was constantly having sex with was seeing someone new. it's like territorial almost, like y'know, erm- if i'm exclusively only having sex with this woman and she was also and then suddenly she gets another man, my ego would be bruise, f'sure, you know?" he nodded but amaya scrunched her face in confusion.