Xichen had always been indifferent to the idea of family. After his parents separated, he found himself feeling even more detached. The role of the elder son, the responsibilities that came with it, had never interested him. The idea of staying behind to play the role of the dutiful elder brother, or to look after his mother and brother, held no meaning for him. He would only spoil his future staying back. And when his family splintered, Xichen saw his opportunity. Xichen had thought that with the distance between him and Wuxian, he would grow up and find himself attracted to someone else, but seemed like the distance only fueled his longing for the other.
Leaving wasn't enough, he needed to be close to Wuxian again. The years had passed, and Xichen thought that might be Wuxian changed and he would be able to move on.... but Wuxian had changed in ways that only intrigued Xichen more. His carefree nature had become tempered with experience, his once-youthful face now held a maturity that made him all the more irresistible. Xichen had always wondered if he would ever be able to get back to Wuxian and should he be waiting for the right moment to re-enter his life. That moment finally came and Xichen mailed him casually, he received an email from Wuxian, just casual conversation, catching up after all that time. Xichen took the chance.
He applied for a scholarship to a university close to where Wuxian stayed. It wasn't difficult, Xichen had enough grades, and he knew he could secure a place. The prospect of leaving his home and responsibilities behind didn't fill him with guilt or regret. In fact, it brought him relief. Wangji could have that life. He was done playing the part of the responsible son. His sights were set on something else.
When Xichen first told Wuxian he was going to leave home and that he wanted Wuxian's support as a good friend by his side, Wuxian had told him to reconsider, to return and be with his family. "Your parents just separated and they need you," Wuxian had said. But Xichen didn't care. What family?
Xichen was smart. He knew Wuxian wouldn't accept him if he seemed too eager, too single-minded in his pursuit. So, when they met again, he played a different card.
The second time Xichen reached out, he chose the setting carefully. It was late in the evening when he sent Wuxian a photo of the bridge, and texted something vague as if feeling lost, as if everything seemed to be falling apart. He waited until Wuxian called him, but he wasn't gonna answer it. He knew Wuxian would get worried.
Xichen stood there, leaning on the railing, staring down at the water below as someone's footsteps approached. A smile spread on his lips, he didn't have to turn around to know it was him.
"Lan Xichen...."
"Wuxian," he greeted him softly, forcing a smile, the kind that made him look as though he was barely holding it together. "I thought you wouldn't come."
Wuxian's face was tight with worry. "Xichen, what are you doing?"
Xichen shrugged, his hands gripping the cold metal railing. "Just... thinking. It's been tough, you know? Everything's changed." He turned to look at Wuxian, eyes wide with feigned vulnerability. "I don't know if I can handle it anymore."
Wuxian moved closer, trying to hold Xichen's hand. "Don't talk like that. You're stronger than this."
"I wish I was," Xichen whispered, letting his gaze drop to the dark waters below. "I keep thinking... maybe it would be easier if I just.."
"Stop." Wuxian cut him off sharply, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the edge. "Don't say that. Don't even think of it."
For a moment, Xichen allowed himself to be pulled back, a mock show of weakness that gave Wuxian the sense that he had saved him. He let out a shaky breath, his eyes finding Wuxian's, locking onto him.
"Oh, I can't put into words how happy I feel now, at least I have you by my side" Xichen murmured. "I don't think I can handle anything"
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Wuxian sighed, quickly wrapping him in a tight hug. "You're not alone. There are people who care about you. I care about you Xichen"
As Wuxian said those words, Xichen could feel Wuxian's heart racing, 'His heart is beating this fast for me....because he was worried about ME'. Xichen smiled inwardly, sensing the control he had over the situation. Wuxian always did have a soft spot for those in need, and Xichen had played the part well. This wasn't about his weakness but about desire...his desire for Wuxian. The fact that Wuxian had come running, that he had rushed to his side, only fueled that desire more.
Xichen tightened the hug. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thanks for coming for me. Wuxian, I feel lonely, you will be by my side ya?"
Wuxian patted his back, clearly relieved that the moment had passed, unaware of Xichen's true feelings. "You'll be okay," Wuxian said softly. "You're not alone. I promise you Xichen, I'll always be by your side as a friend you can always count on."
But Xichen wasn't thinking about loneliness anymore. He was thinking about how close they were, how much time they could spend together now that he was leaving everything else behind. He had made his choice, and Wuxian had already fallen into his hands, just as he had planned.
As they stood there on the bridge, Xichen's smile grew faintly behind Wuxian's back. He wasn't about to let him go.....not now, not ever.
Xichen never imagined that college life would bring him so close to Wuxian, but it also brought with it a constant, gnawing frustration. Wuxian had joined school an year earlier than other kids, so he had graduated by the time he turned 17. As Xichen had taken an year off before he joined college, they just had 1 year difference academically. Xichen was waiting for Wuxian to join the same college and he did. Wuxian was the kind of guy who naturally attracted people. He is charming and effortlessly magnetic. Of course he was popular even in the 1st year of college and that was not surprising for someone like him. Xichen had known that from the first month after Wuxian joined but he hadn't anticipated just how deeply he'd start resenting everyone around Wuxian.
In the beginning, Xichen was content just being close to him, watching from the sidelines as Wuxian effortlessly gained friends and admirers. But the more time they spent together, the more Xichen started to give him subtle hints and indirect confessions. But no matter what he did, Wuxian didn't seem to understand how much Xichen wanted him. Xichen was fed up and had decided to directly let him know but then came the day that changed everything...the day Wuxian introduced him to his girlfriend.
It was casual, offhand, like Wuxian didn't even realize how devastating it was for Xichen to hear. They'd been walking around campus, talking about an upcoming event when Wuxian waved someone over with a grin, draping his arm around a girl Xichen had never paid much attention to before.
"This is Wen Qing," Wuxian had said proudly, his smile wide and genuine. "I wanted to tell you before, but I wasn't sure of it back then. Xichen, I know you'll be disappointed that I didn't tell you before and I'm so sorry about it." he then looked at Wen Qing and said "We have been seeing each other for a while now and we have decided to be together. She is my girlfriend."
Xichen felt his stomach drop. He managed a smile, but inside, the resentment started to churn. He hated how easily Wuxian dismissed his feelings, though in truth, Wuxian had slight doubts but no idea Xichen was serious about it as he had never directly opened up about it.
Xichen had always been careful, always subtle. But now it didn't matter. Wuxian was focused on Wen Qing, and no amount of hinting would change that....not even a direct confession would.
The more time passed, the more frustrated Xichen became. He grew restless, watching from the sidelines as Wuxian and Wen Qing spent more and more time together. His chance to confess was slipping away, and his desperation grew. He started to come up with plans, darker and more reckless than anything he'd ever considered before.
