wildest dreams | l.hamilton

seventeen

XVII.                     Little Jokes

AUSTRIA: July 2022

                        The Austrian mountains rose in the distance, their serene majestic countered the chaos and noise of the race weekend. Lewis Hamilton sat in his hotel room, still restless despite the day's debriefing being long over. The silence of his room felt heavy. He was waiting for her call, like every day since they last talked.

                        His hands itched to grab a hold of his phone, but he hesitated. His messages to his girlfriend had gone unanswered. The distance between them, once manageable now felt vast and insurmountable.

                        His thumb would always hesitate to push the call button, but as he held his phone again, his nerves all over the place. He hadn't heard from her since she left Silverstone. Tavi had sent him a single message, saying she was taking a break again and handling some business matters, but he was starting to get to know her well enough to believe that that was the only reason.

                        Toto had reassured him once saying that Tavi was usually like that but now even the father was unsure of what could possible be going on with his daughter. This did not help the ache that Lewis was feeling in his chest.

                        With a final breath, he finally pressed the call button again, and this time, surprisingly, the line connected. His heart leaped as her familiar voice came through, albeit sounding quieter than usual.

                        "Hey," Tavi answered, her voice soft but a little breathless, like she was caught off guard that she even answered her boyfriend's call. But Tavi knew she had to, Joe's ultimatum ringing in her head.

"Tavi," Lewis breathed out, relief flooding his chest. As if he was finally able to breath in and out when he heard her voice.  "You answered."

There was a pause on the other end before she spoke again. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"I was worried," Lewis admitted, he didn't want to sound harsh but he thought that maybe if he said the truth, how he felt, she would open up. Finally tell him what's wrong, maybe just a little push will do. "I know you've been busy, but... I've missed you. How are you? Really?"

Tavi hesitated. She sat curled up on her couch in Monaco, the weight of her reality pressing down on her. Her hand rested protectively on her stomach, her heart beating faster. She knew she couldn't keep hiding, but the words she needed to say caught in her throat.

"I'm... fine," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. The lies felt like a burning fire on her tongue. She hated lying to the person that she trusts the most.

"Just dealing with a lot. Work's been intense, and I've needed some time to myself."

Lewis could hear the hesitation in her voice, but he didn't push. He never did. Instead, he lowered his voice, his concern evident. "You sure? You can talk to me, Tavi. You know that, right?"

A lump formed in her throat. She wanted to tell him everything. How she was scared, how the future felt like a terrifying unknown now, but she couldn't. Not yet.

"Can I ask you something?" she said, her voice suddenly smaller, more uncertain than usual.

"Of course," Lewis said gently, leaning back against the bed, sensing the shift in her tone. He looked out the balcony of his hotel room, wishing she was with him, holding her in her arms.

"It's a... hypothetical question," Tavi continued, trying to keep her voice light, though her heart raced at what she was about to ask. "What would you do if we... had a child?"

There was a brief silence on the line, and Tavi's breath caught in her throat, fearing she had crossed a line. But then Lewis spoke, his voice soft but firm.

"I'd have to retire," he said simply. No blimps and no hesitation. He was willing to let go of everything if it meant to spend his life with her raising their child. He didn't see anything wrong with it, he wanted to be there for his children.

Tavi blinked, not expecting that response. "Retire?" she repeated, her heart skipping a beat.

"Yeah," Lewis continued, his tone unwavering. "I'd want to give them the life they deserve. I wouldn't want to be on the road all the time, missing out on everything. I'd want to be there for them, every step of the way."

Her chest tightened, emotions swirling within her. His words—so calm, so certain—hit her harder than she expected. She had always feared what this pregnancy might mean for both of them. But here he was, willing to walk away from the very thing that defined him, all for a child he didn't even know about yet.

But he wasn't done yet, if the time comes he knew that he wanted to be clear with her. "And," Lewis added after a moment, his voice softer now, "I'd want to spend my retirement with you. That's what I've always wanted. I know we haven't really talked about that, but I'm serious, Tavi. I want a life with you. Not just a part-time life. A real one."

Tavi felt a tear slip down her cheek as she pressed the phone closer to her ear. She hadn't realized how much she needed to hear that, how much she had feared losing him once the truth came out.

"You'd really give it all up?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. "For a family?"

Lewis smiled faintly, though she couldn't see it. "I'd give up a lot for you. You know that. And a family—our family—would be worth everything."

He heard her let out a shaky breath, a sound that he interpreted sounded like a mixture of relief and fear. It was as if she wanted to tell him right then and there, but she wasn't sure how. The fear of how this would change things still loomed large.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For saying that."

"I mean it," Lewis replied, his voice steady. "No matter what, Tavi, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

She chuckled softly through her tears, trying to lighten the mood. "You'd really face my father? I think he'd have something to say about you retiring so early."

The British driver couldn't help but laugh, the warmth in his voice filling the space between them. "I'm not scared of your dad. Okay, maybe a little, but I've handled scarier things. He'll just have to deal with it."

Tavi smiled through her tears, her heart swelling with love and gratitude for the man on the other end of the line. But even as she smiled, a part of her still held back, still unsure how to let him all the way in.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around," she said softly, her voice growing more serious. "I know it's been hard."

"It has," Lewis admitted, not sugarcoating it. "But I get it. You've got your own life, your own stuff to deal with. I just need to know that you're okay. That we're okay."

In all honesty, Lewis was ready to face everything, no matter how long Octavia needed to have a break as long as in the end he would get to hold her again.

She closed her eyes, her hand still resting on her stomach, the weight of the truth pressing down on her. "We're okay," she said softly, hoping that somehow, it would be enough. "I promise."

Lewis exhaled in relief, his heart lighter now. "Good. Because I'm not letting go of you, Tavi. Not now, not ever."