A Prisoner In Flesh

Chapter 3

The next few days were a tad difficult, since I didn't see Dr. Austin at all. If anything, my newfound determination to reclaim some sense of myself just made the unpleasant treatment feel harsher.

Cleaning time was the worst. They'd just inject me with a tranquiliser so I couldn't fight back, strip my out of my straitjacket, wheel me down to the shower room and just hose me down like I was a farm animal, before strapping me back up and putting me back in my room. It was already invasive enough, but the attitude was what made it borderline-intolerable.

Thankfully, he showed up before long, and I think he noticed the expression of relief on my face when he walked in. He greeted me, walked up and knelt down beside me, only to start whispering in my ear.

"I didn't know what was going on with you and they wouldn't tell me, so I... snuck a look at your files. I am so, so sorry. I can't believe you had to go through all of that." He lays a hand on my shoulder, and, while it's still not comfortable, I at least feel safe when physical contact is coming from him. He's earned that, at least, and I get the sentiment.

He gives me my medication and then goes to head out. For the first time ever, I call out after him.

"Chrys..."

He turns around and stares at me. "Did you just..."

"Thaaat's... my naaame... Chrysalis Blue." Even after mentally preparing and practicing the exact mouth movements necessary to create those words, they still came out hoarse and distorted. Still, I give my best impression of a smile as I hear those words exit my mouth. I have a name now, and it's mine alone, not one chosen for me.

He looks a bit confused, but he smiles back. "'Chrysalis', huh?"

I nod. "Juuust 'Chrys'... or 'Blue'... is gooood."

He chuckles. "It suits you. Well, nice to meet you, Chrys."

"Yooou too, Doc...tor... Aus...tin. Thaaank yooou."

I couldn't have brought myself at this point to have a conversation of this length with anyone other than him; I wouldn't have felt comfortable with them hearing my voice, with it still causing me mental anguish hearing its alien tone and pitch emerging from my mouth. He just seemed like the sort of person who wouldn't cast judgement, and that small degree of acceptance from outside made accepting who I was at present that much easier.

As he left, I laid back and thought about the moment I'd seen that plant mentioned on a gardening program that had been playing on the TV at one point. The hosts had mentioned the purple flowers being a magnet for butterflies, and that caught my attention. I started to consider the nature of a butterfly: it starts as a butterfly, then has to become a chrysalis before it can take its final form.

I found comfort in the idea that my previous life was me as a caterpillar, and what I was now was just a brief stage of discomfort before I could emerge anew. Perhaps it was unrealistic, but considering how I got here, maybe 'unrealistic' wasn't as out of the question as I'd first thought.

Plus, I'd realised early on in my introspection that, much as I wished it were otherwise, a regular name like Alex, Sam, Robin or Jamie was out of the question. Suffice it to say that I needed something a bit... beyond human.

I sighed, and spoke out loud. "I am... a chrysalis. Chrysalis Blue."

It sounded good. It sounded like hope.

* * *

After a few days, I see Dr. Austin again, though this time, surprisingly, not carrying my medication. He comes in and sits down in front of me.

"Hey, Chrys."

"Heyyy, Doctor Auuustin."

"So, I have some good news. I spoke to the people in charge, and, well... based on how things have gone, they agreed to let me take over your care full-time."