From Roots To Our Wings

3 - Millie

The week passed in a blur. I painted the walls in my room with a soft greyish blue that matched the colour of my eyes. I'm not that self centred as it looks. My eye colour isn't the prettiest, they aren't soul piercing blue like Maya's or mom's. People don't stop to compliment them and I have to admit they really aren't that impressive. Nonetheless I love them because I inherited them from my dad.
He used to wake me up every morning and the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes were his mesmerising greyish blue orbs. That's why I painted my walls, just to look at them when the sunlight peaked trough the windows and illuminated my room. It gave me comfort reminding me he never really left, he was a part of me and I had the eyes to prove it.
I went to the park on Tuesday and saw Lilly and Logan. We played pirates again, this time I took my watch with me. When I had to go home Lilly asked if we could just play at my house so we sailed our imaginary ship to my backyard. Riley saw us playing and Lilly begged her cousin to make us some swords. He ruffled her hair and smiled at her. The sight made my face heat. I wish he was my cousin too. It's too bad we can't choose our family.
Soon after Riley emerged from his house with three DIY swords made from cardboard. We grabbed them and fought off the barbarians that were attacking our ship. Riley shook his head with a satisfied expression.
Mrs. Rose made us come cookies and they were the best I ever had, most likely because they were actual cookies and not a 'healthy' version. It was nice to have some friends. Maybe I wasn't going to be lonely this school year as I expected.
"Millie! Are you ready yet?" My mom yelled and brought me back to reality. "You have to leave soon! It's not nice to leave people waiting!"
"On my way!" I jumped off my bed and gave myself an once over in the mirror. Riley was taking us to the festival today. I put on a white T-shirt and black overalls. My long curly auburn hair was put into two dutch braids and the stubborn flyaways framed my freckled face. "Not too bad." I thought to myself. It's not like I was dressing for looks I was more going for comfort but still I didn't look awful.
I sprinted down the stairs and pulled on my shoes. Maya emerged from her room wearing a pink sparkly crop top and denim shorts. Her blonde hair was loose and perfectly styled. She looked put together, not too much make up but enough to make her look a little more mature.
"Oh Maya you look so beautiful." Mom complimented her.
"You really are pretty." I added. I wasn't lying. Even though looking at her made my insides twist in a weird way. I didn't like the feeling.
"Thanks." Maya said some pink creeping up her neck.
The door rang and I opened it.
"Hello ladies, your ride has arrived." Riley jokingly bowed.
His hair was turning a little brown from the sun so it started to match his honey gold eyes.
I chuckled. "Hi, Riley!" I felt my face heat.
"Thank you for taking us to the festival" Maya smiled.
"Thank me later, first we actually have to get there. Let's get to my car." Riley looked at my mom who was watching us from the stairs. "I'll bring them back before ten, my mom gave me your number just in case and I'll send you a text so you can save mine if you need to call me." He explained.
Mom smiled. "No worries I can always call Maya, but I appreciate your concern. Be careful and have fun kids."
I waved at her and walked out the door. "Bye mom!"
"Can I sit in the front?" Maya asked when we reached the car.
"Of course. I don't mind." Riley gave her a tight nod and smiled. I wanted to sit in the front just like last time when he gave me a ride home. I was there first, that really isn't fair. I didn't say any of this out loud but Riley could probably see me pouting because he asked "Will you be good in the back? You're still not-kid if you sit there."
I rolled my eyes at the nickname even though I secretly loved it. "Yeah, yeah, no big deal."
I was quiet the whole ride to the festival. Maya and Riley were chatting about school and my sister was giggling at his jokes. I knew this would happen. I started feeling left out.
Riley parked his car down the street and we walked towards the fairgrounds. Lights were flashing, music was playing and people were having fun. My eyes sparkled when I took it all in. There was a ferris wheel, a carousel, roller coasters, bumper cars, inflatable rides, you name it. I really want to take a ride on the ferris wheel and maybe play some games to try to win a prize.
"Where do you want to go first?" Riley asked no one in particular.
"The funhouse!" Maya jumped up and clapped her hands.
"I don't know if I want to go there." I looked at Maya. "It's a little scary."
"Don't be a party pooper Millie, it's not that bad. Right Riley?" She grinned at him.
"I suppose so. We can try something else though if you don't want to go." His expression softened.
I felt so tiny. I wanted to be brave and go with them but the thought of a mirror maze without a clear exit made me shiver. People hide in there and jump at you and the funhouse effect aren't necessarily... how should I say... soothing?
"Oh hey Millie!" Someone called behind me.
I turned around and saw Logan and Liam walking towards me.
"We didn't know you were coming." Said Liam.
"Oh hi guys. Yeah Riley offered to take me and my sister. This is Maya by the way." I pointed at my big sister.
"Maya this are my friends from the playground Logan and Liam."
"Cute." Maya chimed. Putting on a fake smile.
"Do you want to go play some games with us?" Logan turned to me.
"I don't know. Can I?" I looked at Riley. I know Maya was usually in charge but since he promised to my mom he'll look out for me I wanted his permission.
"Sure, we can go play some games." He agreed.
"You don't need to come with us. The two of you can go to the funhouse." I was quick to explain.
I expected him to turn my idea down. He probably thought I'm too immature and couldn't look after myself. Imagine my surprise when he pulled his lips in a thin line and nodded.
"Okay, just come back here at nine so we won't meed to look for each other." He turned to my friends. "Make sure nothing happens to her, understood?" His expression serious.
Logan and Liam saluted and off we went.
We played games and tried different rides. The boys weren't fond of the funhouse either so we avoided that. We joked around and after an hour my cheeks were aching from the laughter.
"Were to now?" Liam asked mouth full with popcorn.
"I really want to try the ferris wheel." I told them.
"Good idea." Logan agreed.
We stood in line to wait for our turn.
"So why did you move?" Logan asked.
I looked at the ground slightly stomping my feet. Should I tell the truth? Will they look at me differently if I tell them about my dad? I don't want them to pity me.
"My dad grew up in this town." I went with the half truth.
"Really? Who is your dad?" He leaned closer.
"Um, you probably don't know him. He moved away as a teenager to live with my mom." I fidgeted with my braid.
"I doubt I know him personally but I must have heard about him or at least about his parents. Do they still live here? This town isn't that big." He pried.
"No, they died before I was even born." I explained, hoping this conversation would soon end.
I let out a deep sigh when the worker called out to us. "Next!" We climbed onto the bench and the man pulled down the safety bar locking us in place.
I got my hopes up but they went chasing down when Logan continued. "So what's your dad's name?"
I looked at him sideways hoping he would notice my discomfort and stop asking but he just smiled at me. I have the feeling no matter how much I try to dodge the question he'll find a way to get to the bottom of it.
"Henry Foster." I gave up and stared straight ahead. The wheel was already moving and the sun was starting to set. I could feel Logan and Liam stiffen next to me. Like he said it was a small town and everybody knew everyone. No doubt they heard about my father's death.
"I'm sorry." Said Logan scrunching his nose and pulling his lips into a thin line. "I didn't know."
"It's fine." I lied. "It's not like I walk around with a sticker on my forehead that says  'Hi, I'm Millie and my dad died in June'" I chuckled awkwardly.
"I can't imagine how you feel." Added Liam. "I love my dad, I think without him I would probably lose my mind. Who would take me to practice, show me how to fish, teach me how to build stuff and support me at my games?"
I know he means no harm but tears started falling from my eyes. I miss my dad. He would be sitting next to me if he was still alive. He would take me around town and show me all the hidden places.
Thankfully the ride was about to end and I made a show of checking the time.
"I should probably be going. It's almost nine." I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand.
"Yeah, sure. Let me escort you to the entrance." Logan offered when we stepped off the ferris wheel.
"It's fine." I said without looking at him.
"You sure?" He asked looking worried.
I nodded and walked away. After a few steps my walk turned into a full blown run.
The tears didn't stop flowing and my heart rate hitched. They say time heals all wounds but this black hole in my chest kept expanding, trying to swallow me whole.
I reached my destination and looked at my watch. It's 9.05 p.m. I'm not that late and by the looks of it Maya and Riley aren't here yet either.
I started pacing and took a few deep breaths. It's okay. Everything will be fine. I rubbed my sternum. My head started pounding and I fought the urge to ram it into the nearest pole. I never encountered something like this. It felt like an out of body experience. What is happening? Was I having a panic attack?
"Oh you're already here, Millie!" I heard Riley say as he walked towards me with Maya in tow.
"You're late!" I sneered at him.
He stopped in his tracks, taking me in. I had red eyes, a snotty nose and tear stained cheeks.
His movements became slower and softer. "You've been crying. What happened kid?" He asked softly.
"I told you I'm not a KID!" I shouted, tears falling from my eyes.
"Quit the dramatics and tell him what's wrong." Maya said matter-of-factly.
"Shut up!" I snapped at her.
She was about to say something and walk closer to me when Riley stopped her with his hand. He crouched down to me and held me by my shoulders.
"Listen." He said firmly but comforting. "You will not like what I'm about to say but hear me out. You are still a kid whether you admit it or not. You're young and going through some stuff and that's okay. Everyone has their problems but you don't need to go through them alone, especially since you're still a kid. You have adults around you that can handle some situations better. You just need to tell me what happened."
"You're not an adult!" I told him.
"I'm eighteen, Millie. I'm legally an adult." He replied.
"But you're not my dad!" I yelled back. "I want my dad." I whispered, looking at the ground.
Riley placed his palm on my cheek urging me to look at him. A sort of an understanding glimmered in his eyes.
"I know kid, I know." He pulled me into an embrace and I broke down.
Maya rolled her eyes letting me know that I'm an inconvenience but I didn't care.
"It's okay. We should head back home." Riley whispered in my ear.
I nodded trying to pull away but he just tightened his hold on me and lifted me of the ground. I put my hands around his neck and cried on his shoulder.
The ride back home was quiet. Nobody said a thing. We didn't even listen to music. It should have been awkward but I was too tired to analyse the situation. I sat in the back seat looking through the window. It was already dark outside so I didn't see anything. I was just looking into the nothingness.
The car came to a stop. "We're home." Riley announced.
"Thank you for everything." Maya looked at him lovingly.
"Any time." He answered with the same expression.
"I don't want mom to know what happened." I interrupted.
"Sorry? What do you mean?" the boy in the driver seat asked.
"Promise you won't tell my mom what happened today. I don't want her to worry." I explained looking at my fingers in my lap.
"You mean we shouldn't tell her how much fun we had? All the rides we tried and all the food we ate?" Riley winked at me. "Don't worry we won't say a thing. Right, Maya?"
"Uh, yeah, sure, whatever." Maya shrugged.
I let out a sigh of relief. Looking at them hopeful. "Thank you."
Maya stepped out the car and waved at Riley putting on a wide smile. I waited for her to take a few steps towards the front door and turned to the neighbour's boy. "I'm sorry for yelling at you today." I said with some pain in my voice.
"That's okay. You can yell at me anytime. It builds character." He smirked.
"I know I said you're not my dad but I do wish you were my brother sometimes." I admitted, heat crawling up my face. "You're pretty cool." I added only for my face to turn bright red.
He chuckled. "You're not so bad yourself."
A few moments passed. I couldn't see his expression because he was staring straight ahead.
"If I had a choice I would love to have you as a sister or maybe somebody a kid just like you." He said in a low voice.
My heart skipped a beat and I grabbed the door handle. "Thank you for the ride. Good night Riley." I rushed, feeling overwhelmed by his confession.
"Good night not-kid." He smiled over his shoulder. "See you around."
I picked up my pace and headed straight for my room.
"Where is the fire honey? How was it?" My mom asked when I was almost at my bedroom door.
"It was fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Im really tired." I made up an excuse.
"Okay then. Sweet dreams." She seemed convinced.
"Yeah, yeah, night mom!" I closed the door behind me.
That night I didn't have sweet dreams or any dreams at all because I couldn't sleep. I was replaying the conversation I had with Riley over and over in my head.
What did all of this mean? I couldn't wrap my head around it.