Mercy

Part 13: Dream Girl (Part 2)

I killed my first person since Charlotte and I thought that it might make things better, it didn't change anything and I didn't understand why. Had I known that this would have been the result of my actions I think that things would have played out very differently. I started to research how to control your dreams and I got into meditating. I never thought that I would be the kind of person who meditates but you do what you got to do I guess. It was boring, good God it was boring. Who in the right mind would sit around and just think about not thinking? There were better things I could do with my time, but I had committed and I was giving it a serious try to get my dreams in check.

After a week things actually changed but it didn't get better. I still woke up beside Charlotte but this time she had her back to me. This was the only thing that had changed and it might not sound weird but it was. I didn't know why meditating would make her sleep on her right side instead of her left and I didn't know why she wouldn't look at me. In all fairness I did kill her so I shouldn't hold her against her that she didn't want to watch me sleep. But she would turn around eventually and the dream would keep going like it always had. She would ask me questions and we would kiss, she would ask me more questions and we would kiss, I would tell her personal things and sometimes we had sex. I got stuck on the details of her having her back to me. I started to read about dream interpretation, it made me feel like an idiot but what can you do? None of it made sense and I realized that my subconscious and I were not friends, my subconscious and I were in fact enemies.

My routine had changed but I couldn't blame Charlotte for that I could only blame myself and maybe Rodger. I worked, slept and I spent time with the family. This was my life now.

Roger decided that we should take a trip on the boat for the weekend and I had nothing to say about it so I went. He had a huge sailboat and it was his pride and joy although he couldn't even steer it. Maybe some of the 'pride and joy' were in the fact that he had enough money to hire people to do the steering. I loved being on the ocean. As a kid I was a swimmer and I think I just really like the feel of water on my body. The boat was spacious with multiple bedrooms, small bedrooms but still. As kids me and Autumn would room together but as grown-ups we all had our own space. I was very grateful for this. Not that anything bad would happen or that anything weird would transpire. I just preferred my own space.

The plan was to spend one night out on the boat. I only had to get through one night and Roger would probably leave me be after this, for a while at least. I got very drunk and didn't speak to anyone. Roger kept insisting on us spending time together so I could not simply leave and stay in my cabin, I had to sit around and listen to him talk. That man can really talk and after an hour you are desperate for anything else. Neither Reece nor Autumn would talk to me, it's fine I didn't really want to talk to them either. Roger had brought his new girlfriend Siobhan and honestly she seemed boring. She was way too young for him and way too pretty for him so I understood exactly what she saw in him, money. I had to come across a couple of women like that in my life, gold diggers, and honestly I didn't mind them. I think I had a lot more in common with them than most other people. I could tell Reece and Autumn were talking about me. I felt like a kid. I assumed that this was what my next 24 hours would be, Reece and Autumn keeping to themselves, Roger talking incessantly while having his hand high on Siobhan's thigh and me drunk, just trying to get by.

Nothing interesting happened and I could finally go to my cabin. I was laying in my bed when I realized that I would most likely get a nightly visit from my ghost. I really didn't want that tonight. I really didn't want Charlotte here. I was tossing and turning while contemplating meditation and I decided to go out for a smoke instead. I didn't smoke regularly but it was a good excuse to get away from people and sometimes I thought it smelt nice. Tonight I just needed to not be in bed.