(Day 53 – seventh week of pregnancy)
Chandler looked sadly over at the dark figure standing on the balcony of his apartment. Joey had gone there when he came back from his talk with Rachel. He hadn't wanted to talk to him about it, just asked him to let him alone out there for a while.
It pained Chandler to see his friend like that. Joey always seemed like someone who could be unfazed by the ups and downs of a relationship. Someone who could just move on, find happiness elsewhere if something didn't work out for him. He wasn't the guy who mourned his losses for too long, he was always looking for the positive aspects of everything.
Chandler cursed himself for the slip of tongue that led directly to Rachel getting together with Ross. He had always felt as if everything was his fault. He was happy for them when they got together, but seeing them break up so painfully tortured him for weeks. Having to suffer through years of 'on again, off again' was truly one of the few things that could make him cry. But seeing Joey, his best friend, someone he had supported and protected for years, getting caught up in this big 'Ross and Rachel' mess, actually made him despise them both.
He wondered why all that had hit Joey so hard, so mercilessly. Of course he knew how much something like this could hurt, but it wasn't supposed to break a man. Maybe the reason was Joey himself. He didn't do denial. The stage of an emotional traumatic experience that cushions the blow, that makes you realize what has happened to you slowly, was nothing Joey went through, normally. He took everything at face value, he saw things as they were and let them affect him unfiltered. This was what enabled him to enjoy everything life had to offer to the fullest. Now it was the reason he was dying inside.
Joey climbed back through the window and slowly made his way to the couch, smiling bravely.
"Wanna talk?" Chandler asked tentatively. He had no idea how to be around Joey anymore. He seemed so fragile, so broken. A few hours ago a stupid commercial had brought tears to Joey's eyes.
"I don't know, Chan. It seems it's all I do lately. Talk. I don't wanna talk, I want things to be back to how they were before everything went to hell. I want my life back."
It was still disconcerting to Chandler to realize how much Joey had matured over the past two days, how he had completely lost his boyish carelessness.
"What did Rachel say?"
"She wasn't meaning to hurt me, she is sorry, she wants to be with me, raise our child with me. She cried a lot and she actually made me feel bad for her."
"You don't have to feel bad for her."
"I can't help it. I see her cry and all I want to do is take her in my arms again and make it better. But how do you embrace something that burns you?"
Chandler had no answer to that.
...
A knock on the door startled Chandler out of his thoughts. Joey had gone to his room about half an hour ago and Chandler was still waiting for Monica who had gone looking for Ross, wanting to talk to him. Chandler didn't think it was a good idea. The last days had been emotionally taxing for both of them. Ross certainly wasn't the one with the biggest problems of the group. He opened the door and out there was Ross... sans Monica.
"Ross, what are you doing here? Monica is looking for you everywhere."
"I slept at work last night. Couldn't bring myself to go to my apartment."
Chandler was motioning for Ross to come in. Not so much out of courtesy, but out of the need not to make a scene in the hall.
When the door closed behind Ross, Chandler blew up.
![𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐲, chanoey. [ᵈⁱˢᶜᵒⁿᵗⁱⁿᵘᵉᵈ] by cosmicmondler](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/191991854-80-k780754.jpg)
"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you now, Ross? Because let me tell you, I'm not. I'm mad at you. For being a lousy friend, for not listening to us, for being unbelievably selfish. You're hurting? Good. Couldn't be bad enough. And you know why? Because it could never be as bad as Joey is hurting right now, or Rachel for that matter. It could never be as bad as it hurts a child that has to grow up between parents who don't love each other anymore. And let me tell you, I know a thing or two about that pain."
"Look Chandler... I know you're all thinking I did this to destroy their relationship or to win her back. But she came to me, she was standing at my door, and she kissed me first."
"And? What are you now, Ross? Someone who can't hold his own against a woman? You could have... you should have said no. Did you even realize how out of it she was? You should have sent her home to the man whose baby she's carrying. Why didn't you? I told you... no, I begged you to stay away from her, I had a feeling you would manage to mess it up for them."
"Chandler, I know you're upset, but I came here to talk to Joey."
Chandler suddenly knew how it feels to see red. "You can't talk to Joey! He is done talking. With anyone. He needs to be left alone to heal. He doesn't need a traitorous ex-best-friend to barge in and hurt him even more. Get out of here, Ross."
"Let's hear what he has to say."
Both men turned to the quiet voice that came from behind them. Joey was leaning against the doorframe, looking tired and pensive, but somehow stronger than before.
"You sure, Joey?" Chandler asked concerned, "You don't have to do this."
"I have to, Chan. Can you give us a minute? It won't be long."
"Okay, buddy. I'll go."
"Thank you, Chandler."
Chandler took a last worried look at both of his best friends and reluctantly went into his bedroom.
...
As the door had closed behind Chandler, Ross took a step into Joey's direction, who lifted his chin defiantly in a desperate attempt to appear stronger than he felt. The last thing he wanted was for Ross to see him cry.
Ross apparently interpreted his expression as hostility and asked, "Do you want to hit me, Joey?"
"What good would that do?" Joey replied weakly.
"Maybe it would make you feel better," Ross offered.
Feeling rage seething inside of him brought Joey's strength back in a rush. The thought that Ross had the impression it could be that simple, that he was this much of a caveman to be appeased by getting back at him with brutality made him despise Ross even more.
"Nothing, nothing's ever gonna make me feel better about this, don't you understand that, Dr. Geller?" he said with as much condescension in his voice as he could muster.
"I understand that, Joey, and you have no idea how sorry I am," Ross said and hang his head, obviously still thinking that would make him forgive him.
"It doesn't matter that you're sorry, or that Rachel's sorry. You two should've thought of that before."
"Joey, don't you understand that we have managed to leave our past behind us now? That she is now free to live her life with you and your child? That I'm never gonna stand in the way again, that I am happy for you?"
Joey felt himself starting to shake with rage. This was not good. If Ross kept saying things like that, he would get dangerously close to making good use of his offer from before.
"Why does this always have to be about you?" he said, trying his best to keep the trembling out of his voice, trying not to yell. "About the big 'Ross and Rachel' thing? That's over. It was over for years. This isn't about you or your past relationship with Rachel. It's about me and my relationship with Rachel. This is about the future of my child. You destroyed all that. You ripped my life apart, and I don't give a shit if you're sorry about that because I'm the one who has to live with the mess forever."
His outburst left him on the verge of tears. It was the same thing with hurting Ross like it was with hurting Rachel, it didn't help with his own pain at all.
"Joey, I know you're hurting. But you said yourself back when Rachel broke up with me that you couldn't understand why she wasn't giving me another chance. You can do that now. Give her another chance. She deserves it, your baby deserves it."
Joey shook his head dejectedly. Ross still failed to see the point. Even after more than four years, he still hadn't understood why Rachel really broke up with him.
"I can understand now why she didn't want to give you another chance. She was right. There are lines you can't cross. There are promises you can't break."
He hoped it would be over now, that Ross would finally turn around and go. He felt like his last ounce of strength had drained from him but he still wanted to appear as if he could handle the situation.
But Ross didn't give the impression he wanted to leave. He shuffled his feet while looking down on them, cleared his throat a few times and eventually started to speak again. "Joey, if you won't let her stay with you... she called me today, asking if I would let her stay at my place for a while... and I said yes... she's gonna move in with me."
A feeling of defeat came over him and he had to close his eyes for a moment. So this was how it was gonna be. This was what would happen. He battled down the desperation enough to be able to open his eyes again and glare at the man who used to be one of his best friends.
"Great, this day gets even better now. You just let her move in with you, raise my daughter, and have the family you always wanted. Be 'Ross and Rachel'. Who cares about stupid Joey? He wasn't father material anyway. I hope you'll be happy with the life you've stolen from me."
