This is probably because I had no real friend group until 4th grade and I was too dependent on my mom when I was younger lol. The other friends I had were all fake. And I never talked to anyone other than my mom or dad.
So the fact that I'm getting older and actually need to talk to people is hitting me HARD. It's so awkward talking to new people or even people I know. Especially if they're adults or if they're yelling at me. When older people yell at me I just kind of shut down, and I start crying for no reason. And when I have to talk to them I'm always "too quiet." I swear I have to repeat myself about 10 times when I talk to people. I hate getting attention from others because I'd rather just be there in the background. The only people I want to talk to are my friends. And I hate having to talk to waiters or doctors, it's like I suddenly don't have a voice. And sometimes when I'm talking to people, they'll get more quiet or their tone will change and I'm sitting there wondering if I said something wrong.
I don't really like talking to people anyway, because I live in a really shitty town with really shitty people. And there's never any reason why I would need to talk to people while I'm out somewhere.
