Dying Embers

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Five: Holding Him Back

ᯓ★ play this while reading: lost control — alan walker 𝄞 ⋆ˎˊ-

The alarm blasted, pulling me out of my deep sleep. Monday na naman, and honestly, wala akong energy pumasok. Hindi pa rin mawala sa isip ko 'yong nangyari sa bahay nila Chance noong Sabado. It's like I'm stuck in the aftermath, and I hate that I have to deal with it alone.

Hindi ko magawang sabihin kay Jilliana, kay Chance, o kahit kanino. I wouldn't even know how to start if I ever tried. I'm confused... and as an overthinker, that's basically the worst place to be.

Hindi ako kaagad bumangon. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling the weight of my thoughts pressing down on me. I tried to empty my mind, pero bumabalik pa rin lahat, the flashes from the party, the words from Chance's Mom, si Myka. My heart raced again, remembering that moment, like a scene I couldn't stop replaying.

I told myself it was nothing. That maybe I was just overthinking again. Pero kahit anong convince ko sa sarili ko, alam kong may nagbago. I just didn't know what, or maybe, ayoko lang aminin.

I let out a shaky sigh, closing my eyes, trying to silence the questions that refused to leave. But they clung to me like a shadow I couldn't shake off.

After a few more minutes, I finally rolled out of bed. Pilit. My body felt heavier than usual, but I knew I had to move. The idea of facing school today, though, felt like dragging myself through fog.

Sa banyo, tumingin ako sa salamin. My eyes looked tired, like I hadn't really slept. I splashed cold water on my face, hoping it would help me wake up. The chill grounded me, but only for a moment.

I dressed quickly, barely glancing at my reflection. Kinuha ko lang 'yong granola bar sa table, then headed out. Pagdating ko sa school, ramdam ko agad 'yong bigat ng bawat hakbang. Parang lahat ng tao nakatingin sa'kin kahit wala namang dahilan.

I scanned the hallways, hoping to spot a familiar face, kahit si Jilliana lang, para makalimot kahit sandali. But she wasn't there yet. I reached my locker and took a deep breath, trying to focus on the day ahead. Pero kahit anong pilit kong ayusin ang sarili ko, the uncertainty still lingered.

I wish I could just forget it, or at least figure it out. Pero hindi ko kaya. There's something about that night I still can't let go of, no matter how hard I try.

I stared blankly at the inside of my locker, forcing myself to think of anything else. Homework, class schedules, literally anything, but my mind kept circling back to Saturday. Frustrated, I slammed my locker shut, the sound echoing in the empty hallway.

I turned around, half-expecting to see someone watching me, but there was no one.

I sighed and started walking toward the classroom. Pagpasok ko, nakita ko si Jilliana sa usual seat niya by the window. She was texting, the glow of her phone lighting up her face. For a moment, I just stood there, watching her fingers dance across the screen, wondering if I should say something, or stay quiet.

When she looked up and saw me, she smiled. "Hey, nandito ka na pala. How was your weekend?" she asked casually, like everything was normal.

I forced a smile and sat beside her. "Ayos lang. Just... really tired."

She raised a brow, clearly noticing something. "Okay ka ba? You seem a bit off today."

I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. I couldn't tell her. Maybe not ever. I didn't even know how to explain what I felt, 'yong weird na tension na parang wala naman pero andoon.