not the end

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Its not the end of this book, i just needed to have a good day.

I had an incredibly sexy day today so I'm back with another anecdote about my life. things seem incredibly different in terms of describing as a writer. i was gonna come write about this yesterday: i got my braces removed.

so its been incredible two years and two months with metal braces. i actually didn't even feel like removing them even though it is a temporary medical procedure. to be honest i thought i looked better with my braces on, my mom even said i looked chubbier with them on. i could feel that when i came back home and looked at myself in the mirror without a metal wire hugging my tiny teeth. Like yesterday I sat there, and i realized it'll actually be the last time i'll be taking appointments for braces tightening, i was sad rather, already missing the anticipation of going to the dentist.

the dentist then moved a precise spray wash to remove the adhesive and did that thing which makes a shrill noise that's typically heard at the dentists. my mom accompanied me often, so she was there this time as well, but the shrill sound made her headache, and mine when i came back home. One thing that will always haunt me more than the pain of wearing braces is the sticky semi-fluid gum silicon base that they'll shove in my mouth to make a mould for retainers. It's like so thick and sort of hardens but at the pace at which it was shoved into my mouth made me gag, the dentist told me to shake my legs. i did as i told her, shook my legs up and down seated on the chair. she later told me later that i had a sensitive palette and she told me to shake my legs to distract myself from feeling like puking.

we had a presentation on statistical analysis, it was really good, the teacher seemed to like the graph i tried to plot. it reminded me or Joohyun , like her graduating and me exactly working on statistical analysis sort of just made feel nice.

and her death hurt, i actually had other plans about her death but it kinda of aligned with me coming out of this feeling that was holding me back from the past few weeks ; like i said, i just needed to experience a sexy day to feel like my existence matters.

a few more things made me retrospect on death and living, one is like putting in the effort and actually getting something in return. two is how i found myself naturally describing something in my head after experiencing it, like taking my braces off. i also feel like there's obviously more room in my mouth that was previously restricting me from talking properly, I guess.

I cried in front of my mom for like the first time , her actually understanding the reason behind it. but i felt like i am stronger today than yesterday, like very strong. i stayed up up till 2 and she sort of told me to fucking go to bed, i mean i still had work but i did, woke up and managed to finish all the work for today.

i was having like a headache real bad yesterday since the pressure on my teeth was removed and my head was trying to adjust and i just happened to listen to everytime by Ari, and that song remains like my comfort song even now. It instantly relieved my headache. it takes me back to 14 chapter of sweetener. that chapter is still my favorite and sunghoon will always feel like comfort. Ari's voice tooo, i love her. popular from Wicked is stuck in my head , i keep mumbling it now that I've gotten oral flexibility.

like at college every other person had braces, and i joked saying that we'll all graduate one by one. most have them have per say, graduated.

though late, i guess i can say i have graduated as well.

oh oh and i saw that Jungwon's dating rumor , like, seriously , like...thats what people are worried about? him fucking dating? i was so clueless when i read the news a day ago. i legit laughed at the whole "some fans" hating on Jungwon for his unconfirmed rumored relationship. and then at the end of the day, he told them to shut the fuck up on his live. this is so funny to me, god bless that little brave man.

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