Woman [H.S. AU]

13: Forgive

*ESSIE POV*

It's been three days... meaning today is the day of my father's eleven year death anniversary. I look up at the ceiling and I feel the tears pouring from my eyes. It never gets easier, you know- grief? No matter how long it's been. You eventually just learn to live with the fact that your favorite person is no longer here.

Add into all of that with the way Harry didn't tell me things about him that I should have known- whether by him or otherwise, and the way he left me... on my birthday, without an explanation— this month sucks. I never want to celebrate another birthday, I wish I could just block this entire month out of my brain.

And the actual audacity of him... to pour his heart out like that to me and then to leave me? I was hurt... but I was fuming. I hate that he told me he loves me... I hate that he begged me not to tell him I loved him... because I do. I've loved him since that kiss on the beach, the way he looked at me like I made the moon and hung the stars; like he couldn't get enough of me. I could see how much he meant every word he'd ever said to me.

The words of affirmation he'd always speak into my ear at random intervals, letting me know how beautiful he thought I was. His eyes told a story- his story. A story I could look into forever and see nothing but pure goodness in his soul. Because that's what he was right? He may have executed his plan horribly, but that doesn't make him a bad person, right?

Shaking my head of any further thoughts of Harry, I sit up, getting ready to go visit with my dad at his grave when I hear a knock on the front door. I walk to my front door and pull it open- Miles, ever present as usual, holding a bouquet of multicolored daisies. My eyes roam over them and then I see the card:

Essie,

I miss you. I wish I could hug you today more than you know, but I'll send these flowers in place of my embrace. I love you, yesterday, today, and all days.

Infinitely yours,

Harry

He remembers? No, I shake my head. Louis probably told him. But either way, my eyes watered over and the tears fell before I could control them. Miles looks at me and just gives me a soft smile. I sniffle and let him know I'll be heading to my father's grave to spend some of today with him.

I'm dressed and ready to go within thirty minutes, walking out of the door with Miles right beside me and a couple others following closely ahead. I get into the provided SUV that Harry left for me and tell the driver where I'm headed. Miles is in the front seat, looking directly ahead. I'll never get used to this... Princess treatment. I am not cut out for this, I enjoy doing things on my own.

We make it to the cemetery and I walk along the path, finding my father's grave and I inhale deeply. "Hi, dad." I sit on the ground, pulling at the dried up grass beneath my fingers and sniffing. "I miss you down here."

Waterworks. That's all I have in me after that sentence. The weight of his death, the weight of Harry leaving me, the way that I know have security following me around because I fell for a Prince. I gather my emotions and will myself to calm down. I am very aware of the royal guards behind me within hearing distance as I speak.

"Dad... I finally fell in love. Madly, truly, deeply in love with an incredible man. And guess what? He let me down. He didn't tell me he was a Prince. And not just any Prince... The Prince of England, probably all of Great Britain- you know geography and things like this was never my greatest subject." I laugh softly, tears still going down my face. "And I know you'd say he has to be a great person because I don't let people in easily, but it hurts, dad. And it hurts even more that Louis knew and didn't say anything or warn me. I just... I feel betrayed."

As if on cue, I feel a presence looming behind me. I look up and see Louis, who sits silently beside me after I give him a subtle head nod. He places his arm around my shoulder and then I feel another arm- Jules. I cry. I let it all out while sitting here with my two best friends... I have ignored Louis for the last three days because he knew and he didn't tell me... but I get it. I truly get why he didn't, I just wish he had.

He pulls me into his embrace and holds me tightly. "I'm sorry, and I love you, you know that. But I am sorry. Please forgive me?" He says softly. I nod.

"It was never about you... it was about me. Me and how everything played out. I was just... I don't know how to explain it. I just wish that either of you trusted me enough with it... but I do completely understand why you didn't, and I know it had nothing to do with me specifically, and for that: Louis, there is nothing to forgive. I just needed time to get my thoughts together. You are my brother, and I know you of all people would never hurt me intentionally. I love you back." I sniffle.

"As long as you know." He smiles softly, eyes crinkling in the corners.

"Finally!" Jules says, tears of her own streaming down her face. "Now... What about Harry?"

I stayed silent for a little while after that, gathering my thoughts. As much as I hate to admit it, Harry did nothing wrong— Louis either. They were protecting Harry and I understand that. I know how some people can be when it comes to people in the spotlight, celebrities or whatever the case may be... but that is not me.

I fell for him because of the person he is; how he cared for me, how he made me feel with just a glance in my general direction. I fell for him because he's... Harry. Just Harry with me. I look up at the sky and I know that I have to forgive him and also Louis, but there is nothing to forgive. My feelings were hurt, but that's about it, they did no wrong. I understand having to protect yourself, more than anyone. I just wished he had trusted me enough to tell me sooner, rather than the way I found out. And I think that is why my feelings are so hurt.

"Thanks, for talking with me, dad. I miss you and I love you..." I kiss my fingers and touch his headstone. Lingering for a few minutes and then start to walk back towards Miles, Louis and Jules behind me.

"We'll see you at dinner later? My place?" Louis says and I nod, they wave to Miles and then they head to Louis black Range Rover.

"You know, for what it's worth... I'm his best friend and he didn't tell me either." I look up at him. "He's... reserved. Growing up the way he did, he was seen as a prize. He fell for you because you didn't see any of that. You only saw him." Miles speaks softly once we're alone. I smile up at him, not sure of what to say to that. But my mind keeps focusing on one thing...

Harry left here thinking I didn't love him and I will never forgive myself for that.

A/N: If you are reading, thank you for reading. If you are enjoying, thank you for enjoying. If you hate it or are questioning why I'm writing this, have a great day and check the "WELCOME" chapter. Positive vibes only. We have enough negativity in the world ! Love you all so, so much regardless 🖤