I watch my breath cloud the air in front of me as I walk. It's been freezing here for days. The lake has a thick layer of ice over it, and swirls of snow decorate the surface. Patterns made from the wind being indecicive in its direction.
I step onto the ice, my foot crushing the thin layer of snow. I hear no cracks, so i walk on, eyes focusing on the tree line straight ahead. The middle of the ice should be thinner. Leaves scurry across in front of me, carried by a phantom wind.
I can tell when the ice starts to question my weight, small cracks, and uneven surfaces. I walk on. Any moment now, it will crack, and i will fall."HELANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
I hate that name. I pause. It's enough.
I look down and see dark jagged lines, and then i fall. Plunging into the water, I feel it cover me, cold enough to take any remaining air out of my lungs. I dont fight it. I just sink. It feels warm somehow. Soothing.
As i sink, i look up, and i can see my own hand outstretched in front of me. Maybe i didn't want to sink? Not entirely. Maybe some part of me is still grasping for the warmth i never felt outside of this pond. The rays of light that shine through the gap make the water look so many different shades of green and blue. Parts even seeming gold.
I decided this is my favourite colour, do i even get to have a favourite colour now? If i die.And suddenly, like the reality of me dying ruins the warm feeling around me. It ruins the colours in front of me. It's so cold it hurts, like daggers of ice. There are no colours anymore. All i can see is darkness. I dont know which way is up or down. I never wanted to die. I just wanted to feel something.
I start to swim, but i dont know where im going. I choke on some water, and it burns down my throat. I resist the urge to breathe in. Come on, Ana, think. I watch the bubbles float up from my mouth. Float up. I follow them, swimming the hardest i have ever swam. My body burns, and im feeling dizzy. When my hand meets thick ice above me, i try to punch through, but it remains the same. The solid ice that had held my weight now trapped me below. What a funny thing, to accidentally die on purpose. I watch the blood from my hand cloud the water. Then everything goes black.
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My throat burns. I had awoke at the lakes edge moments ago and immediately started coughing and hacking up water. The cold has turned my hands blue, and yet blood still trickled out from the cuts on my knuckles. The snow soaked up the blood, a maroon colour that stood out starkly. Like a light in a pitch black room, drawing your eye. I allow myself a couple crackly breaths in before i right myself. I looked around for my father, who had shouted my name before i fell. I couldn't see him anywhere. He must've gone back to the house to fetch help, perhaps.
I walk on shakey legs in that direction. I take my shoes off as i enter the house, a movement that takes a lot longer than expected as my shaking hands can't feel the laces, never mind undo them.
I later deem it was also pointless as i am dripping water all over the floor anyway.
My fathers employees simply nod their heads as i pass, though i can feel their eyes on my back. Questions are likely to be whispered between staff later.
I keep my chin up, never show weakness.
I go to knock on my fathers study door. The gesture so alike to the frantic punches i had to make not long ago that i find myself lost staring at my fist held up in front of the door.
"Eh, ehm." Marius, my fathers right hand man clears his throat beside me and knocks on the door in my steed. He must think me insane."Enter." My fathers voice echoes. He does not sound afraid nor worried. I shouldn't be surprised he likely rescued me and left me there as a lesson for my stupidity. I push open the doors and step into the room. Only when i opened my mouth to speak i realised i didn't have anything to say.
My father simply glances up from his work, not even bothering to raise his head.
"Ah, so you lived."
He returns his attention back to his work. I open my mouth to reply, but what do i have to say? That was more of a statement than a question.
I could apologise? Thank him for caring enough to save me from the lake. No words come out anyway.
"Is that all Helana? You're a ghastly sight and should put some more dignified clothes on."
I look down at myself. I did look rather ghastly. Ghostly, even in a soaked white dress. Thankfully, my many layers had kept it from becoming transparent.Hurt at his curt response, i nod and turn to leave. At least i can comfort myself with the fact that he had saved me from the lake. He must want me here at least a little.
What do i do now?
I guess if I've chosen to live, i might as well start deciding what to do with my time. Time i never expected to have.
I come to decide that i would quite like some toast.In a daze, i amble in the kitchen, and the heat stung my arms, so i hugged them around myself.
"Deary, why are you dripping all over my floors." Daisy chuckled from the other side of the room, wiping her hands off on her apron. As she walked toward me, her expression changed from annoyed to concerned, her rosy cheeks paling as she took me in.
"What happened, Helana?"
She never used my full name.
"I- I- I um th-th-the lake?"
I answered in a question, teeth chattering hard enough that i tasted blood from where i nicked my tongue.
"The lake! What were you doing out there in the middle of the blasted winter? The ice isn't even thick enough to bear the weight of a babe. Did your father put you up to this? I swear i will..." Seeming to remember herself and where she was, she took a deep breath and held my shoulders in her hands.
"Let's get you cleaned up."
She led me to my room, holding me up as i climbed the stairs. The cold had made it hard for me to bend my knees without pain."A nice warm bath child, and you will be as right as rain."
She seemed to be talking to herself.
"Your mother would be sick to death with worry if she heard what had happened."
A few more stairs.
"Mind you, I'd hope she's haunting that father of yours. Never let him get a wink of sleep."
No sooner had we reached the top of the staircase than Daisy had a bath poured and was helping me undress.
"In you get poppet, its not too hot, dont worry."
And as i climbed into the bath that felt like it was scalding my skin off my bones, i thought of how close i had gotten to seeing my mother again.
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Frozen hearts
FantasyLadies and gentlemen, mafia men and their wives, behold: Ballrooms of grandeur, and bullets in between eyes. Ana's father is the head of one of the most influential mafia groups of his time. Whilst she is raised by her father to be a fair lady, her...