Mommy
I miss grading papers. Yes, I miss the most irritating part of being a teacher. I've missed my students everyday I've been in here but today what I miss the most is the aching in my wrists as I relentlessly scribble notes on papers all throughout the evening. Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night and sit on my desk with pen in hands in the little office Joseph had made for me by our bedroom as a surprise birthday present.
Joseph never understood why this type of work helped me calm down but it did. He would find me in the middle of the night and drag me back to the bed. He didn't get that I needed to do it. Grading those papers, outlining those lessons plans are the only way for me to feel like I didn't reject the medical school acceptance for no reason. When I saw a student learn, when I saw one of their grades go up, I knew it was all worth it.
I've never been that nostalgic about wrists pain and underpaid employment until I was glued to this bed and Joseph returned to work. His boss called him last week. If he didn't return to work today, they would have to give his position out to someone else. I couldn't exactly blame them. He's been in here for almost as much time as me. The world needed to go on. Especially the entertainment industry.
I'm so proud of him for pursuing at least a fragment of his dream. He was employed as a physiotherapist for a film-making company. Even if he wasn't right at the scene, he was surrounding by what he loved while still managing to be the doctor his mother wanted. I wasn't too happy about him compromising but he said it didn't feel like a compromise. He was getting the best of both worlds.
I'm brooding over being left alone in this cold empty room but I don't hold it against him. He has done everything in his power. It's not his fault I can't entertain myself. The only thing that can keep myself from slipping deep in depression and longing is somebody else's presence. Just hearing another breathing mix with mine can keep me occupy. I spend my time trying to decipher how they're dress, what they ate, and how their face has changed since the last time I've seen it.
How many sympathy points do I get now? The smallest movement can spark my interest. Anything that moves can captivate my mind. I guess that's because a bored mind is easily swayed. Alas, nobody's available. I'm alone. I thought Carmen would have showed up sooner or later. We're not exactly on the besties side of our relationship but we keep in touch and I know she's aware of my predicament.
She had call Joseph just a few weeks ago. It was a short call like all the others, just enough to get the basic information on my case. Hearing Joseph and Carmen have a conversation is like the people watching two presidential candidate in a speech battle. They're both fighting for my attention and trust while subtlety hinting at the bad aspects of the other one. They're both constantly trying to convince me how much happier I would be with them instead of the other. They both just want to win all of me without having any crumbles left for the other one. Unfortunately for Carmen, Joseph is my president for life. He won this election years ago.
Her betrayal still sting after years. It has never completely healed because I cared that much for her but she pushed the knife too far. If she had a plausible reason for throwing me under the bus, I might have been able to forgive her. We might have been able to mend things between us a little but she didn't.
I never wanted our friendship to deem to a mere acquaintance but she worked for it. It wasn't even like she earned something in return. No, she just stayed with plain bitterness and regrets. I wish she had listened to me. I wish she had took my word for it.
The years I'd invested in our friendship went down the drain the night of her much advertised date with an infamous frat boy. As if Shawn didn't teach her anything about boys who liked partying too much. Even worse, he was Shawn's cousin. I don't know how many more signs she needed to figure out what was about to happen.
The entire Saturday was dedicated to fussing about Carmen's first real date in her adult life. This was supposed to be the start of her future, that's what she said. I suspected her parents had something to do with the nervousness that was boiling under her skin. Carmen was in college now so it was possible she was hired in the family business. Mission finding a rich naïve husband was underway.
No expenses were spared for Saturday night. Hair was done, manicure and pedicure was done, and the most expensive jewelry, dresses, and shoes we could find in this little city was bought. Currently, she was having her face pimped up by a make-up artist she booked for the day. If that didn't have the Delangelos' signature all over it, I didn't know what did.
I wished I could have been happy for her but I wasn't. She was turning into the puppet she said she never wanted to become. She was no longer a person but a merchandise for her parents to sell to the highest bidder. Praise the Lord that her date, Erin McBang, didn't want to buy.
Third sign that he was trouble, he showed up two hours late. Carmen sat on her bed, trying to be nonchalant but I knew better. Every two seconds, her eyes fluttered to her phone then the lights in them will die a little more. She laid her head on the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. Her red bottom Louboutin shoes were thrown carelessly on the floor after the first hour. She had unzipped the tight red dress that fit like a second skin to her.
"Maybe he has a good explanation," I offered as comfort. I felt guilty to be texting Joseph while my friend was going through a rough time but it wasn't my fault and nothing I did will make it better.
"Hmmm," she said while letting her hair free of the fancy chignon it was in.
"Do you want me to order pizza?" I proposed.
It was comfort food. I'd grown quite accustomed to it for the past month since it was pretty much Joseph's entire menu. I made a record by eat half of a box by myself a few days ago when we were celebrating Joseph moving into a new dorm room. Now, he was alone. No more Shawn's shenanigans or dirty looks. However, he had refused to tell me why he had suddenly moved out. The only explanation he offered was that he had to.
"Are you trying to make me not get inside my clothes?" she snarled at me, her mouth was tight but her eyes were ready to pour a fountain on the bed. "You know I don't do carbs."
"I was just try..."
"Stop," she spat. "Just stop. You've gone crazy ever since that boy entered your life. You can't even hear reason anymore so don't tell me what to do."
The smart move here might have been to sew my lips together but before I knew it my lips were moving again. My heart was aching for her so it went against my brain and continued to push through her walls. "He might have been held up or..."
"Shut up," she hissed and turned her head to discreetly wipe a tear that was dripping down her cheeks. "I think I'm going to retouch my make-up," she cleared her throat to take away the rasp of her unshed tears stuck inside.
She left the bed and moved to the table where boxes of make-up still laid opened. She had barely began to apply blush to her cheeks when a loud, confident knock came at the door. We exchanged a look before we both scrambled up to our feet.
"I'll keep him busy for you," I said when I passed her to open the door. She nodded her answer to me.
"Yep, absolute trouble," I thought when I first got my real glimpse at Erin McBang.
He shared the same too blonde hair as Shawn. His wolf grin was so charming, it threw me back a bit. His sideburns ran down to his jaw, and his black, wild eyebrows only had about two centimeters about. His nose was offline a bit, mixed with the cut on his upper lip, it was enough to drag in a girl who was wild about bad boys. He was clothed as if he was expecting to go to a rock concert or a fighting club. Everything was black leather with metal spikes, from his jacket to his shoes. He was just missing the dark eyeliner and the piercings to complete the look.
