The Final Mark

Chapter 7

     It was quiet when Aiko left, almost too quiet. Aiko didn’t know anything really. Mai had meant to tell her, but never quite got the nerves to tell her. Mai didn’t want to hurt her.

     The bullies were back, but the spent all year finding the times Mai was alone, so that way they could attack. Mai did admit they weren’t complete idiots at least.

     They were still bastards though. Mai hated the lot of them. They constantly abused her. She had to hide the bruises so much; especially the emotional ones. The bullying now just made her plans even stronger.

     It also didn’t help that Mai had another blade. In her defense it wasn’t hard to take apart a razor.

     Mai cried herself to sleep every night. The pain was that bad. She didn’t know what to do anymore. Her life was becoming an endless void of nothing. Beside Aiko, it seemed she had nothing that she would care about if she lost. It was that bad.

     They say you can tell when someone is suicidal. Either that is the biggest lie ever or no one did anything when they noticed. For Mai, she figured it was both, but mostly the first. Not ever her parents knew what was going on. This made everything that much easier.

     It didn’t take too long to plan once she got going. That was a lie. It took her a week just to weed down the possibilities. So many options, but so few could work. Most of the times attempts fail. It’s not the method that failed, it was the person executing it, but it was alright, because they figure it out eventually. They are dead now too.

     Mai envied them. They didn’t have to live through hell. Even if they were in hell, it must be a paradise compared to here.

     Mai still studied hard. Was this good? Mai didn’t care anymore. She just couldn’t change her behaviors in front of others as they could catch on. Only Aiko had the slightest idea what was going on, but even she didn’t really know.

     “I’m sorry Aiko.”

     Mai said this a lot to herself. She didn’t want to leave her, but unfortunately the bad outweighed the good; easily.  

     More tears left her eye. Mai was surprised she even had tears left.

     Things kept getting worse. Mai soon was thirsty one day so she went to the refrigerator. After a quick look around she pulled out something new. Good thing her parents weren’t home. She took out the bottle. She needed a way to stop the depression. She needed a way to get rid of it all. She took the bottle and opened it. The smell of Vodka flowed through the kitchen. She took a sip. It burned her throat. It felt good.

     She took another sip.  More burns.

     And another.

     And another.

     Soon the bottle was gone.

     Mai awoke the next morning with a major headache. It was enough for her parents to not allow her to go to school. This helped Mai. It gave her more time to plan.

     The nights were like this a lot. Mai now took some of the money she earned from her job and bought a bottle of Vodka and sat down on her bedside and slowly drank the bottle down. This was soon followed the crying herself to sleep every night. This was how she spent her nights. This was normal.

     Mai hated her life. The stress killed her. The depression killed her. The bullies killed her. She was now addicted to alcohol. What was her life becoming? Honestly… she didn’t care anymore. She didn’t see the point of continuing anymore.

     Aiko is the only reason she is still alive. She always manages to talk her out of it or to keep her together for one more day. Each day Mai struggles along.

     This usually was enough, but every day grew harder and harder. The test came closer and closer. The depression became larger and larger. It was only a matter of time. No matter how many times you flip an hourglass, eventually you will get bored or forget, and the sand will soon run out. Mai was a big hourglass. It took Aiko a lot to flip the glass over. Mai doesn’t know if Aiko will be able to flip it one more time. Looks like the sand will soon run out.

     “I’m sorry.”

      This time, those words were to herself.

     “For everything.”

     The pain was starting to consume her.

     “…life has just been hard…”

     She could not be any truer.

     “…the bullies are wretched. The depression is horrid. I just want to escape…”

     It is what she wanted the most.

     “…I just can’t take it anymore. I try my best, but everything always ends in failure; every little thing in my life. I have never been able to accomplish anything: Ever…”

     Mai started crying.

     “…this streak ends now…”

     Mai was ready.

     “…I will not fail. Not anymore. If there is one thing I will not fail at this. I can’t be a failure forever. I have to do something right. I really hope this is what it shall be…”

     Mai cried even harder.

     “…I have thought about this every day and every night…”

    The tears kept flowing.

    “…and it seems to be the only way…”

     Mai wiped her eyes.

     “…I’m sorry…”

     Mai stood up.

     “…but it is time to go.”

     Mai walked over to her desk. Inside the leg she hid a bottle. It was orange with a white lid. She examined the capsules inside.

     It was time. This was all Mai could think of. It ends right her.

     Right now.

     Nothing will stop her. She will not fail.

     Not anymore.

     Mai cried more.

     “I’m sorry.”

     She opened the bottle and took out a pill. She swallowed it. She could feel it travel all the way down her throat.

    She then took two, then three, the ten. Soon half the bottle was gone.

     With in another minute she swallowed all the pills. She had no clue what the pills did. They were just random ones from around the house.

     He went back to her desk. She could barely walk. She reached in and pulled out a little piece of metal and a pencil. She quickly scribbled something onto a piece of paper in her hand and help the paper tight.

     She took the metal and wrote the words ‘I’m sorry’. She wrote them on her legs. She watched the blood flow out. She then raised the blade to her wrist. She put on her skin and pulled back.

     “I’m sorry.” She cut again.

     “I’m sorry.” And again.

     “I’m sorry.” And again.

     The blood came out. Her hand opened and out rolled the paper. On it were the words, “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do this. I’m sorry, but I can't take this test. It's been too much for me.  I can't do it. The stress was too much.” Her vision went dark. She collapsed upon the floor.