Chapter Twenty-Nine
We Walk the Precipice
She walked through the familiar halls, holding the familiar trey, with the familiar sense of evil inside of her and the same poison and blood on her hands.
Selina did not miss the Skeffington’s mansion and she did not miss her role in her brother’s sadistic plans. With a sunken heart, she knocked on the door to Sir Amos’s chambers and allowed herself to enter.
She regretted it immediately.
Amos had obviously gotten worse over the short two days she had been away. Victor, apparently, had had no problem poisoning him by himself.
His pale face, his heavy and slow breathing, his weakened body, his sunken eyes… It all contributed to the same sickening portrait. It disturbed her.
Trembling, she served him his coffee and medicine. Sir Amos took it, hands shaking as much as hers.
“Thank you, Beatrice.”
She spared a few seconds to let it sink in. He had never called her by name before.
Somehow, it just made it worse.
“You’re welcome, Sir Amos,” she replied, as she slightly bowed, anxious to leave the room. “I hope you a fast recovery.” The words burned in her tongue.
She turned to leave, more than ready to leave the terrible sight of the poisoned man behind her.
“You are loyal and kind,” he told her, before she reached the door. His words paralyzed her to the ground. “Loyalty is a rare quality. It’s a sign of bravery and love. Don’t lose it.” He smiled, genuinely and it was an alien expression on his face, though it seemed to take years from him and make him look healthier, it also didn’t seem to fit him. Besides, it only increased her need to run.
Without a word, Selina left the room as fast as she could without running. She rested against the closed door, her hand covering her mouth, trying to control her urge to cry and her self-hatred.
***
Selina always surrendered herself to her violin. She always poured her heart into every single note – according to Edna, it was the only way.
Today, Selina drowned all her sorrows, sadness and regrets into the instrument. It was healing, like the sound she produced was cleansing.
She didn’t seem to be the only person who felt that way. Back in the drawing room, Lenora once again sat in her favorite chair, next to her favorite window and savored every single moment of the beautiful song.
It was the only thing Selina could truly miss from that house – these moments in this room with Lenora. It wasn’t the same world that existed outside.
Lenora wasn’t the only one listening this time. Jack sat next to his mother, his eyes never left Selina and his smile never wavered. Once the song was over, he clapped with enthusiasm, praising every second of her performance. Selina blushed and thanked him with an appreciative bow, a wide smile on her face - she wasn’t used to the sound of applause or such high and cheerful praise. Her heart grew for him. He could make her so happy.
“Wonderful, Miss Beatrice, as usual,” Lenora complimented as she stood up from her seat.
“Thank you, Lady Lenora. You are very kind.”
“She’s not being kind, she’s being honest,” Jack interceded and Selina replied him with another bright smile that he returned.
“Yes, well…” Lenora began, looking away from the couple as if she was intruding. “I have to find Madam Price to discuss house affairs. I shall leave you for the time being.”
She made for the door but, before she stepped outside, she exchanged glances with them and, as if reading Jack’s wide grin, she said, in a warning tone, “Don’t do anything inappropriate.”
Jack laughed as a response, which didn’t seem to appease his mother in any way. As soon as she closed the door, Selina sighed – as much as she enjoyed Lenora’s company, it was always like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders when her mistress left, so heavy was Selina’s desire to please and impress the woman. With only Jack’s presence, she could be herself with no pressure – or as herself as she could possibly be, inside that house and living in that city.
She smiled at him again, rested the violin with extreme care in its appropriate place and walked towards him, craving more than ever to be lost in him. He looked at her with a mysterious, knowing smile.
“What are you hiding?”
Selina stopped in her tracks immediately. Her eyes widened with sudden surprise and fear. She didn’t say anything, she just looked at him and his smile remained.
She was somewhat relieved to see that he didn’t seem upset or angry in any fashion, in fact, he seemed entertained. At the sight of her confused expression, he decided to elaborate, “Your music, the way you play it… I can tell you have a secret.”
Selina faked a gentle smile, though she feared it would come off as a sign of her nerves – which it was. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Bea… I thought we had agreed not to keep anything from each other.” His smile was a kind one and that was enough to soothe her. He wasn’t accusing her, he was trying to support her.
She wasn’t quite sure if she was relieved or disappointed. In a way, Selina wanted to be caught. At least that would put an end to all the madness.
She took a deep breath and an idea entered her mind. It made sense and, though it wasn’t the total truth, it also wasn’t a lie – which would be a welcomed change.
“I’m worried. I can’t bear the sight of you father like that. I don’t think I can take it. After my mother’s sickness… I guess I don’t deal well with…”
She couldn’t finish the sentence and she didn’t need to. Jack stood up from his seat and walked to her. He embraced her with his strong arms and the feeling was of merciful bliss. She wished she never had to leave him.
“I understand, Bea,” he spoke against her hair, before gently kissing her forehead.
“I don’t think I can work here anymore. I’m so sorry! But it’s taking a hold of me,” she said against his chest. It was almost as cleansing as playing the violin, to finally show a piece of her true self to him, to tell him the truth, even if it was just a small portion of it. In that moment, in his arms, Selina really couldn’t think of Victor or his plans. She was being sincere with Jack and it felt as though the weight of a thousand worlds had been lifted from her soul.
“Then you should leave.”
“But your mother… I really don’t want to leave her. She was so kind to me, I really don’t want to disappoint her.”
I don’t want to disappoint my brother.
“Beatrice…” He grabbed her arms and looked her in the eyes with that cheerful smile that fitted him like a glove and that seemed to make the world such a brighter place. “Don’t worry about my mother, don’t worry about me, don’t worry about anyone else. Worry about yourself. If you don’t feel happy in this house, you should leave. My mother will find another servant, we will still be together, maybe you can even play the violin for her and we will find you another job. Just do what it’s best for you. Leave.”
