A Girl On Her Own

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

My heart stopped. My eyes widened, I was so scared out of my mind. He was standing there with a beer in his hand, I was more scared then ever.

"So where have you been...?" He asked looking at his beer and then back at me.

"I- I was a-at C-Carrie's" I stuttered.

"Really..? Did you ask permission..? Because if you did.. I never heard you.."

He walked up to me. He staring at me last like he was getting ready to hit. He walked right up to my face.

*SLAP*

I put my hand on my cheek that he just slapped. It really hurt. I looked back at him.. My eyes teared up. I opened the door, and ran next door.

I heard him yelling my name, and not so pleasantly. But I didn't care, I ran. I got up to Ash's door. His new called "mom" answered.

"Oh hi," she smiled.

"Hi, um is Ash home..?"

"Yes. He is, you can just go upstairs dear."

"Thank you." I smiled. And when I got to the second step, I cried, silently uncontrollably. I got to his room, and I knocked.

"Come in" he said slightly loud. I came in, still crying, he looked at me, his expression.. Looked very sorry for me.

I put my bag down, and he came speeding up to me. "What happened!? Did Dan do this to you!? Again!?"

I cried again.. I nodded. He walked over by his window, and punched the wall with both hands. I ran up to him.

"Ash.. Please.. Let's just leave.. We can run away.. And we will try and get Bill's schedule, and leave when he's off duty.. Ash.. I hate it here.. I just.. Want to go.. Please.." I looked at him desperately.

He looked back at me sadly. He shook his head and looked out the window.

"I like it here Jess, this family acts like a family to me.. I finally feel like I'm home.. And the best thing is your right next door."

Suddenly I was the one who was about to punch a wall.

"Ash! I'm happy that your happy here okay! But I'm not! I'm getting abused mostly every day now! And I- I'm terrified! You want to stay!? Fine. But IM leaving! I can't take this pain anymore! I love you Ash.. But I can't take anymore of this.. Bye.."

I grabbed my bag, and walked back to the police station, he called my name as I walked out, I didn't look back, I was leaving.. And this time.. I will get away with it.

******

I walked in the cold air conditioning room, it was very awkward coming in without Bill, un-cuffing me. I tried looking for the place where all the cops' schedules are.

"Excuse me..?" I flinched and turned around. It was Sir Smith. The chief. "What are you doing here miss? Your not here with Bill again are you?"

I quickly thought of something.

"No." I smiled. "Actually I came down to say I am so sorry for always wasting everyone's including Bill's time. But I don't see him, what's his hours? So I can come when I have time and he's here."

"Ah, well usually I don't give that information out, but you seem.. Well trustworthy." Today is Saturday. He is off every Saturday, but he works 5 days a week, from 7 to 8"

"Thank you! I'll come back Monday." Not.. I smiled and walked out. I had one week, to be prepared. I got back to the house, I was still terrified that Dan would be at the door, waiting.

I walked in. I looked around he wasn't around. They were both at the table eating dinner, Sarah looked over.

"Jessica, where have you been? Dan said he looked all over for you,"

"I was at the police station."

"Why? Oh my gosh.. Did you get caught by Bill again!?, I wonder why he never called us.." She asked confused.

"No. And also Saturday is his day off."

"Oh. Well come, have dinner with us."

"No. I'd rather be in my room."

She looked a little upset. But I couldn't care less I was leaving. I ran upstairs to my room. I grabbed my backpack for school and dumped out all my belongings from school on my floor, and filled it with clothes, and food that I stored in my room so I didn't have to go downstairs.

I wanted to leave right then and there. But I had to say bye to Carrie.. And.. Well only carrie... And ash..

I collapsed on the ground, across my room in a corner. I sobbed uncontrollably.

******

After about 20 minutes of crying, I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, my eyeliner and mascara had left marks on my cheeks.. My eyes were puffy, my eyes stung from crying. They were bloodshot.

I looked in my bathtub, and grabbed my razor.. I took it apart and took a razorblade, I closed, and locked the door. I started crying again, and slid down the wall and cried into my arms.

I looked up, and then back down at my razorblade, I lifted up my sleeve and sliced all up and down my arm, I don't do this because it makes me feel good, I do this.. So I just have a moment not to feel...

I kept thinking about Ashes' past girlfriends... They all ended up leaving.. I didn't want to.. But it's either leaving or telling Sarah.. But who would believe a troubled 16 year old over someone you've been married to for quite some time possibly.. No one.

I thought of all these possibilities to stay.. But the main one was Ash.. I love him.. But this hurts too much.. I can't take it.. So.. I wrote a letter....

Dear Ash,

I love you. You know I do. And I never want to hurt you. You don't know how much I'm crying while writing this... You mean the world to me. You ARE my world.. But this is too much for me to handle.. I can't take the pain anymore.. I wish you agreed to come with me... I want to be with you.. But if that means I have to stay here... I can't.. I won't be able to.. It hurts Ash.. I know you've had pain in your life too. I get that. I will ALWAYS get that.. Ash.. I hope one day.. We will meet again.. But until then..... This is a goodbye.... I love you Ash...

Love,
Jess.

A.N.

Hey guys! I'm SOOO sorry I haven't updated in awhile.. What do you think Jessica will do? Comment! Like! Share! Love you all!! Have a wonderful week!! ❤️❤️❤️

~ Cindaay 💋💋❤️