Dear Damn Diary

How it started

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Dear D.D.,

My mom says I have "issues". The more I ponder on what she says the more I'm starting to believe it. There's only one question in my head right now and that is: WHY??

Why do I have issues?

Is it why I'm like this?

Am I limited by my so-called issues?

I'm writing to you now because I can't sleep. Mom and I fought again. It's so tiring, this kind of routine. I wish we could just go back to the time when everything was okay. I kinda miss the times when someone asks you if you're okay and you simply answer "Yes." because you really are. But these days when someone asks me if I'm okay  I just say "Yes." just to get them to fvck off and mind thier own effin' business.

Sometimes I miss my dad. My REAL dad not the dad that cheated on my mom with some bimbo and ran off. I hate that other dad. My dad was the best. He was always there for me. I trusted him with all my heart. Mom and I loved him so much. But it was me who couldn't forgive him for what he did. No matter how many times he apologized or tried to make amends.

My mom still loves him. I guess I forgot to tell her that the person we knew and loved was long gone as soon as he decided to cheat on her. On US. 

D.D. , i'm crying again. I hate it when this happens. The pain is still there. It's been a year and a half. What my father did to us spread like wildfire. People were talking all kinds of crap. But the more it spread the more it got twisted until all the facts were replaced by lies and all the shit that go with it.

At school people started looking at me differently and to match how they looked at me they also of course treated me so.

My so-called friends were afraid to be seen with me. Apparently, a rumor spread that I became suicidal because of what my dad did. But of course I wasn't. Hurt, yes I was but suicidal never.

To think my friends were supposed to be comforting me. I guess thier heads aren't screwed on right.

One day, I even caught my best friend Stacy bad-mouthing me in the Girls' bathroom.

I was in the stall wallowing in my sorrow when I heard them come in so I tried my best to shut up. 

"She deserved what happened to them. God! she's such a bitch. Well i guess she didn't hear karma is a bitch to. It came to slap her in the face. hahahaha" she said

"I can't believe Toby even thought about asking her out." Missy said. She's a girl in my maths class.

"Well now that she's out of the picture Toby can ask me out." Stacy said while she dabbed on some lip gloss.

The five of them all laughed simultaneously. Thier laughter rang in my ears.

I was so infuriated D.D. I felt hurt,betrayed and used. Unfortunately now I know I'm not a good judge of character.

I tried to collect myself before I went out of the stall. They were so shocked to see me. 

I went straight to Stacy and smiled before I slapped her hard on the face.

"I heard it from others but to hear it from you. I trusted you. You're my best friend.. I can't believe this." i said through gritted teeth.

She was crying while holding her cheek.

"I'm so sorry.. You have no idea to live under your shadow. For someone you love not see you." Tears were streaming down her face. "I've always secretly hated you.."

And with that she left along with the other girls.

I was left alone in that deserted bathroom crying.But everywhere I went in school people stared.

I was the next big thing. The talk of the school. The laughing stock. I was bullied and people at school pulled pranks on me. I became "THAT GIRL". That girl who's suicidal. That girl whose dad cheated and others I won't even dare to mention.

But even though I looked like a mess and i was crying under the bleacher he was there. He comforted me. He loved me. He became hope to me. His name is Toby.

XoXo,

That girl