The Black Parade ➸ Phan

six

[ Let's Shout It Loud and Clear ]

You were so incredibly nervous when we went to your parents' house.

They knew about your sexuality and you knew that - they had from a young age. A few hours before I walked in on you watching Coming Out videos - despite being out.

We'd been together a few weeks, and you'd called up your parents and asked if you could bring your boyfriend around. They were ecstatic - if anyone shipped 'Phan' the most, it would be them. Embarrassing, really.

Honestly, I should have been more nervous than I was. The lead-up was tense, especially the car journey, but it was one of those situations that you found you were really calm when it actually occurred. It was strange - this was so different to how it was portrayed in books and on Tumblr.

The nerves I did have I tried not to show. I knew that it would only make you feel more tense and probably end up going back home. Of course I wanted to meet your family. They must have been pretty amazing, seeing as they raised you so well, I remember thinking.

Funny how that was all I remembered, everything seemed like a blur back then.

Dan - why were you even nervous? Your parents are lovely, we were bonding of ridiculous things like house plants within minutes.

They literally welcomed me into your family, and for one of the first times ever, I felt more at home than I never had.

I miss that feeling so much. There's a gap that you usually take up, it's now hollow and empty; echoing; aching for something to fill it.

I ended up holding your hand under the table for the majority of the evening. Whenever you stuttered, I'd squeeze it and you'd give me that look - the look that made my stomach explode in butterflies and tug at the corners of my lips. You looked at me like I was your entire world, and it made me feel incredible.

Your parents noticed, and your mum shook her head and smiled, before looking at me in the eye and saying "He's smitten. Heart eyed Howell."

I grinned, suppressing a chuckle, and you flushed a noticeable shade of pink, all the way from your forehead to the tips of your ears.

That's where the nickname came from. Soon, everyone called you that : Chris, PJ, Tyler, Troye, Connor. Well, maybe not so much Troye, we'd always tease him about Connor if he brought it up.

I have a photo on my desk of you like that, eyes bright and full of lust. I would give so much to see you like that again, Dan.