Chapter 3
Kimberley’s POV
I’m surprised at how strong my voice still sounds, because my knees feel like they’re about to stop functioning. Something happened. I’m sure of it. I was sure of it when I saw Cheryl try dodging Sarah’s question. The fact that she’s not answering me is just making it worse.
“Cheryl! What…” I try for a third time, before being cut off.
“Nothing! Okay? Nothing. I promise. Just… something could have happened... and… it… it almost did. But I stopped it before it started, I swear!”
“Did you want something to happen?” I try to swallow, but my mouth is completely dry.
“Kimba… can I just explain…” Her voice trembles and I think I have my answer. But I need to hear her say it. I shake my head.
“Just answer me”.
“I came in here to explain… my behaviour lately. I want to fix this, us. I’ve been thinking …”
“Did – you – want – something – to happen?” I utter the entire sentence again, slowly. She looks at me desperately.
“Baby please… I’ve been thinking about everything, about us, and…”
“Answer the goddamn question Cheryl”. She stares at me with tears in her eyes. I feel a tear run down my own face but I don’t care. All I care about is her answer, which, I have a feeling, will break me.
“I…” Her eyes dart around the room. It’s almost like she’s looking for an escape. When she realises there is none, she closes her eyes and softly whispers “yes”.
Complete silence takes over.
I no longer feel my legs at all and slide down the wall to the floor. Breathing gets more difficult and I’m sure an invisible hand is choking me. As a result, I start to hyperventilate, to which Cheryl opens her eyes, utters “f*ck” and runs over to me. She kneels in front of me, rubbing my arms and trying to calm me down.
“Shhh, Kimba… breathe… I’m so sorry… calm down baby… breathe…”
When I finally do manage to slow down my breathing, she reaches over to hold my hand. I look down at our linked hands and find the courage to ask:
“Do you want this to end?”
She looks at me, shocked, and quickly answers.
“No! No no no no no no no!” while shaking her head. “I don’t, baby, I love you. Please… don’t think like that. I love you. I want to be with you”.
“Then… why have you been distant?”
“That’s what I wanted to explain. I think… I think… it happened too fast. We happened too fast. I was still married at the time. I was heartbroken. I loved you, but I should’ve taken some time to… think about things. We happened so quickly! I should’ve cleared my mind first. The whole lesbian thing… is so different… I mean… no… not different... but I just… I just… started wondering about… men”.
To say that I’m shocked by her revelation is an understatement. It hurts. I haven’t missed my old life for a second since I’ve been with Cheryl. Sure, things are different with men, but I’ve never compared the two. For me, Cheryl was it, the one, or whatever…
She must’ve read my confused look as she tries to clarify herself.
“Not wondering… I mean... there was just so much pressure. And then, that guy was there and he was giving me attention… but honestly… nothing happened!”
Her words linger in the room.
She’s looking at me nervously, trying to catch my eye. I can’t look at her.
“Baby…” she tries. I take a sharp breath of air.
“Cheryl” I start, still looking down at my knees. “There are always going to be guys giving you attention”.
“But I don’t care about them. I care about you. It hit me when we were sitting at the table and I wanted to stop you from having to lie to Nicola… because I know you hate lying to friends. I know you… and you know me”.
I start to shake my head softly, tears spilling from my eyes. Cheryl notices and must already know what I’m thinking because she carries on relentlessly, albeit with a trembling voice.
“You know me baby. You do. You can trust me… please… baby” she starts crying. “I love you… I love you so much...”
I hear the bathroom door close and I look up to see Nadine looking down at us worriedly from the other side of the room. She clears her throat but Cheryl keeps her eyes on me.
“Ehm… is everything alright?” She directs at me.
I sigh and take my decision.
“Nadine, can you take me home?” Hearing this, Cheryl’s eyes flicker over my face.
“No… no no no no no no... You want to go home? I’ll take you. We can talk at home… okay? I can take you”. She pleads.
Nadine looks at me, so I answer her silent question softly.
“Can you give us 5 minutes?” She nods and quickly leaves the room.
Cheryl’s still pleading me with her eyes, eyes that are now soaked in tears that are about to spill from them. “Baby please… don’t go. Stay with me. We can go home right now and talk this through. I’ll tell you everything… the whole story… it was nothing!”
“Cheryl… it’s not about the guy. You’re right… we happened too fast. I never stopped to think about it but I realise it was too soon for you. I’d rather take some time apart now than try to continue this and ruin it forever. I think we should take a little break… sort our heads out… maybe see other people”.
It’s the best I can do without breaking down, because the thought of not seeing her every day makes me feel sick to my stomach, so I ignore it and try to play it cool. It won’t help Cheryl either if she thinks she can change my mind right now.
Nadine opens the door once more and I see Sarah and Nicola standing behind her. I start to get up but Cheryl wraps her arms around my knees and leans her head on them, sobbing.
“Please! I love you. I’ll be better… I promise! I don’t need time. I need you”. She starts sobbing. “Don’t go baby please… I love you… please… don’t go… please don’t go… don’t go… don’t go… please…”
I stroke her head and kiss it, before looking up at Nicola. She gets my hint immediately and quickly walks over to help me get Cheryl up. I can’t bear to stay any longer and take a few big strides towards the door, where Nadine grabs my hand. Before I turn the corner I look back to see my baby holding onto Nicola as if her life depended on it.
