M.E Imagines

Imagine#25

"Matt stop, I can't I don't think this is going to work" I said balling my eyes out.

"What do you mean?" He asked with his voice cracking. He came closer to me as I backed up. "Y/n, baby please talk to me" he begged.

"Matt please your making this harder for me, just leave" I said not wanting to look at him in the eyes.

"Who is it?" He asked hurt. "What?" I gave him a confused look. "You like someone else don't you?" He asked once again hurt.

I didn't know how to answer.

It was Jack. Jack Johnson. It was something about him that I liked a lot. Ever since Matt was starting his tour he's been spending less and less time with me.

I started spending more time with Jack. It's a small crush. He doesn't have a place in my heart like Matthew. He's my whole world but Johnson makes me feel good.

"No one" I said whipping my tears. "Tell me" he snapped making my scared. "Matt please just go" I begged.

"Not until you tell me" he clenched his jaw. "It's JJ" I referred to Johnson. "Just listen to me before you say anything" I said closing the door behind us.

"When you were gone for tour I was by myself, lonely and hopeless without you. Then Johnson wanted to hang out one day and we started clicking. He was funny, he made me smile a lot-" before I could continue he cut me off.

"Stop!" He yelled as his voice cracked. "Do you think I was to hear about your feeling towards someone else when I'm still In love with you!" He yelled.

"Matt you don't understand the pain I went through!! I had no one and he was there!! When you weren't there" I pointed out.

"I was busy y/n don't you know that. I told you from the start that I was going to go on tour soon and you were fine with it" he stated.

"I understand that but I didn't think it was to the point were I would be able to talk to you for days" I protested.

"Can we just work this out" He said grabbing my hands. "Matt-" he cut me off by kissing me.

I pushed him off and his face went down. "Why don't you love me anymore" he asked. That question broke my heart.

"I never stopped loving you and I never will. I'll always love you but I just don't know what I want. My heads in another place and I can't think. It's too much for me I can't i can't" I broke down.

My breathing became hard for me. I was panicking. I felt as if the walls were closing on me and everything was getting smaller.

"Y/n calm down" Matt said scared. I couldn't talk. It was as if someone was choking me.

It was then when I noticed I was having a anxiety attack. I fell to my knees as my breathing became louder.

'Your broke his heart you bitch'

'He deserves someone better then you'

'He's finally leaving you. You were too ugly'

These voices were in my head saying all kinds of things that were making me panic even more.

"Breath in and out babe listen in and out" Matt said grabbing my shoulders.

I started breathing in and out as he went along with it. "In" he inhaled. "Out" he exhaled.

My breathing was becoming easier and better. I feel better. I still couldn't speak. I was in such shock.

He handed my a water bottle from on top the drawer. "Here" he opened it. I tried grabbing it but I couldn't. I was shaking because of how scared I was.

Before I knew I was crying. "I'm so sorry Matt. I hate myself" I said with my head in my hands.

"No no no listen baby it's not your fault I promise you" he cooed in my ear as he hugged and rubbed my back.

He gave me the water for me to drink as I did. My breathing felt better little by little. I hadn't had a anxiety attack since 11th grade.

"I'm sorry for scaring you, for everything. I really am" I said whipping my tears. "It's okay y/n listen to me." He said making eye contact with me.

"It's okay if you like JJ I understand just know that I will-" I cut him off by kissing him.

"I want you and only you. I'm so sorry" I kissed him again. "I love you" he said huggin me tight. "I love you more" I said truthfully.

I tried to make this as realistic as possible when she had the anxiety attack😅

I've never told you guys this but I get anxiety attacks in situation when my parents are arguing or if something goes wrong and I feel trapped.

Luckily I haven't had one since 2 summers ago. If any of you are having trouble times you can always message me. I care about all you with all my fucken heart! Even if I don't know you just know I care about you💗💗

I hope you guys liked it. I tried my best.

I love you all💜

~sam🍅

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QOTD;

@drugIist: depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die💭